WB Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 (For the whole story, see http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49110/) 18 months after breaking up, and 6 months after last contact, I broke NC. I wrote her an email. Didn't really say much, just that winter is here, take care. (She always got sick in winter). I don't even know why I wrote it. I guess maybe I still really care about her. Also, maybe because the last time we talked (she initiated contact), I was cold toward her. She wanted to talk about our breakup and I just rebuff her. She then emailed that she's coming to my city and I ignored her. Maybe I hoped we would get back together? I did regret not talking about what happen because there were so many things I wanted to say. Predicably she didn't reply. So now what do I do? Just ignore the whole thing? Or take a chance and write her all the things I wanted to tell her.
Weird Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 In that email did you apologize for being cold towards her when she wanted to talk about things and all that jazz? If not, I think you should have. I don't know if you should fire off another email with all the things you want to say but I think it may be a good idea to tell her you are sorry for not showing more interest in talking about things when she first came to you about it. That is assuming you didn't apoloigize in that email you just sent. If you did apologize then I say don't bother writing her another email and let her contact you if she feels fit...unless you REALLY want to send off another email and it will ease your mind. If it will make you feel a lot better then go right ahead but I'd say a better option may be to write it, save it and then read it the next day and see if you still want to send it. You may find that you may not.
hurtingandconfused Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 You have two choices: You either wait for her reply or just forget about what happened. Do not send her anything else.
Author WB Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Okay she replied. Just a two-sentence email, basically saying things are okay and asking about me. So the ball is back in my court. Now what?
Weird Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 don't waste your time. She gives you a 2 sentence reply? Come on man
Author WB Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Actually my email was just as short, about three or four sentences. I just asked how she was, and that she should take care now that winter is here, and wished her well. She replied that she's okay, good to hear from me, and asked about me. Now that I think about it (which I obviously did not before writing her), I think I wrote the email because I had a lot of things on my chest. I wanted to tell her so many things, about what happened, how I felt, etc. My email maybe was just a pretense to that. And of course I still harbor feeling for her, though logically I think that's a dead end. Should I even bother?
Weird Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 I wouldn't bother if I were you. I say this from experience.
kisslaboca Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 I think you should write her. I can perceive by your posting that you really need to actually and that you will feel better if you do. Don't listen to anyone in this forum including me, listen to your gut, be honest to your self about what you really want. A lot of time has passed, there is nothing wrong with it. YOu sound like a nice person, however by ignoring her the way you did before you may have seem cold and a bit jerky to her. However, I know that you were just not ready to have this sort of transcendental post breakup talk at that point. Now it seems you are ready. And it seems you are giving your self signals in reference to this. Just because someone is our ex, doesn't mean is your enemy. Relationships are complex, and in this forums as well intentioned as they are, cannot don't really know the whole story or the two sides. Besides, many may project upon your ex and your situation the grudges they hold against their own exs. That is why go with your gut and do what you feel you need to do. Wether by writing or meeting one day for coffee. Also forget about you having some feelings for her but not wanting to go back with her, this is not the time to bother with this it is way too early and who is to tell you that she wants back with you at this point. I think the most important thing is to have peace and to have this end in a good way, respectful way to you both. Just because someone is no longer together with you doesn't mean that you can have good open communication and that also doesn't mean that you will go back together. Your goal should be to feel peace. Do you feel that now? What does your gut tell you you must do to feel that? I think it feels very peaceful when you leave nothing unsaid, I understand you broke up with her? No matter who broke up with whom I think everyone deserves the chance to have clousure or to talk about the breakup, after all it affects the both of you. You sound like a nice person, and like someone that at least has caring feelings for this girl.I think she will appreciate hearing what you need to say, when we feel that urge at the point of post breakup where you are I think you should it means somethng, and that there is a purpose to it. I think above all it will do you good. This thing is just screaming to get off your chest. Enough time has passed to make that ok.Go for it, write it down I assure you will feel better.
Weird Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 oh wait! This is like the 945769376956 diff thread about writing off a letter or email to an ex. I take my latest comment back. Earlier in the thread I said you should apologize to ehr for being cold when she wanted to talk things over earlier on after the break-up. Seeing as how you didn't in that first email you fired off, I say you write her and clear the air. I should have realized what thread I was replying in and saw that it wasn't like one of the others of the same subject. So yeah, fire off another email and get all the stuff off your mine INCLUDING an apology.
Author WB Posted November 25, 2004 Author Posted November 25, 2004 Yeah I kind of regret not talking to her the last time she contacted me. She tried a couple time to talk about what happened and I just brushed it off. I think maybe that made her reticent. She broke off with me and really broke my heart. Last time she contacted me I was still hurting. Now I think I want to talk about it, but I am afraid of opening wounds. Also, now that I think about it, there was a certain desire for revenge. It's like... you hurt me, now you feel guilty, well I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of talking about it so you can relieve your guilt. Something like that. I know that's probably not healthy, but sometimes the mind does illogical things. Okay the general consensus is to write her back. I do want to get things off my chest but also a bit terrified.
kisslaboca Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 I know its scary WB. I also can totally identify with the whole pulling away thing as a revenge of sorts. you hurt me, now you feel guilty, well I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of talking about it so you can relieve your guilt This must be unhealthy, however I just think is a form of self protection and maybe it is one of the few areas or oportunities that us , the dumpee, get to have control over, so yes, we do exercise our power there...everywhere else we seemed sort of powerless like in their decision of dumping us and changing that. I think is all normal. I think you do good to write if that is what you sincerely feel is the best thing for YOU. But always do it, keeping your best interest in mind. Our ex's are not our enemies, but when dealing with them again, we must do it from a position of power as in feeling good about ourselfs, as in no longer lowering our heads because of the rejection we felt in no way, shape or form. Also give your self your rightful place. You don't have to be arrogant, you don't have to be mean. But you have to put your self first and know that she cannot longer hurt you. I think you will send a wonderful email. I wish you will share it here. If not do keep us posted as to her reaction. Remember you are not alone in this wole post breakup scenario. We are going through the same and are here for you.Good luck.
Author WB Posted November 26, 2004 Author Posted November 26, 2004 Thanks for the encouragement, Kiss. It's all a bit surreal. A year ago we were so close, now we are like bare acquaintances. I'm not really sure what to write. My whole reason for starting the conversation was to tell her how I felt. Now that we are here, I'm not sure how to go about that. I guess I'll just stay easy. If she brings up the breakup, then we'll talk. If not, well...
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