DollWelch Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I have recently signed-up with an OLD site, and am somewhat wary of what to expect. How do people transition from OLD to meeting in person or pursuing private communication? What are the norms? And what have been your experiences? This is going to be quite an interesting experience. 2
Syconort Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 As a woman, expect an overwhelming amount of messages from lots and lots of men which will possibly lead to an inflated ego and turn you into one of the stuck up precious princesses who prowl such sites feeding on attention. If you can stay grounded, well done. I'm a man, so I'm only speaking from what other women have told me, but if I were a woman, I'd disable the ability for men to contact me (or have some very particular mail requirements), and I'd initiate contact with men I liked the look of. Be patient with the genuine guys, I imagine most have grown extremely bitter from using online dating sites. From this side...it's ridiculous.
deathandtaxes Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Haha ridiculous indeed! As a guy, it can be very hard to cut through all the noise and bs that women endure. Many messages are just flat-out ignored. When I was active on Match several months ago, it seemed that maybe 1 or 2 in ten e-mails sent would get a response. Have fun. Be picky.
Author DollWelch Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 As a woman, expect an overwhelming amount of messages from lots and lots of men which will possibly lead to an inflated ego and turn you into one of the stuck up precious princesses who prowl such sites feeding on attention. If you can stay grounded, well done. I'm a man, so I'm only speaking from what other women have told me, but if I were a woman, I'd disable the ability for men to contact me (or have some very particular mail requirements), and I'd initiate contact with men I liked the look of. Be patient with the genuine guys, I imagine most have grown extremely bitter from using online dating sites. From this side...it's ridiculous. Oh! I can imagine. But unfortunately, or rather fortunately, I have decided to do OLD a different way than most. As much as I would like to do OLD the way most women do it out there, I choose not to due to mainly my profession, but also privacy and confidentiality. I have not posted a picture of myself on this particular OLD site, and have no desire to. I do understand that this will hinder my OLD success, but I believe I can focus on filtering and establishing sincere connections with those I am interested in. Thus far, I have contacted one member -but have yet to hear back from him. And if I don't, that's perfectly okay too. I don't expect men to fall at my feet, nor do I walk around with an aura that oozes entitlement or self-absorption. You're right. I should be patient when communicating with members on OLD sites, it's a learning experience for all. Hopefully I'll meet someone special, if not then perhaps I will have walked away from this having met some new people.
crederer Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 From a guys perspective, you have to be a player and know what to say to get attention from females. Then the women have a ton of interest from players that just want sex, and give into them cause they're smooth talkers, and then complain that they didn't get a second date after they had sex with the guy. Just sayin....it's pretty true. 2
henderson14 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 On paper it seems like the greatest thing every invented. In reality, its horrible in so many ways. It will end up being a colossal waste of time and energy. It will drain you if you are a guy. Even if you have a good profile and meet a lot of women, it will still drain you and be a waste of time. I think the best way to describe what I am talking about is looking for a job online vs being referred by a friend. Looking for a job on online while unemployed can drain you, and it just doesn't work that well. But looking for a job on online is easier believe it or not! 3
deathandtaxes Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 A guy's first response to getting contact from a women with no pictures in her profile is "what is she hiding?" It's a knee-jerk reaction and you'll fight some uphill battles.
crederer Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Yah I'd definately ignore a woman with no profile pic
Dadremblvin Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 (edited) What should you expect? Lots of disappointment! Hahaha! Edited September 19, 2013 by Dadremblvin 5
365daysgone Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 As a guy: 1. A lot of messages sent with no responces. 2. A lot of wasted time. 3. A meetup that leads to a flake. 4. A lot more wasted time. 5. Encounters with alot of sluts looking to hookup. 6. A lot more wasted time. This has just been my experience at least. 1
MsOptimist Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I was hesitant to do it (33 yr old divorcee), but one night after a glass of wine and utter curiosity, signed up and made a short profile in a few minutes. After browsing through the men I figured it would be a giant waste of time as none of them seemed remotely interesting/attractive to me. Until I came across one profile of a guy who was attractive and seemed to have very similar interests as me (and was also age appropriate). Athletic, outdoorsy, nothing negative in his profile. I figured he had women lined up so my expectations were not high at all. I messaged him, we exchanged several messages and agreed to meetup the very next day and had a phone conversation prior to meeting - I liked that he was direct. I didn't want to be messaging online for weeks on end. I was very nervous, but we picked a public place and hit it off instantly. I could tell just through our messages that we indeed had a great deal in common. We are now exclusive and it's the start of a wonderful relationship - neither of us were expecting this at all. He had been on 2 dating sites for over a year with no luck, maybe 6 first dates that never went anywhere. He never put any effort into OLD, he's simply too busy. I met up with 1 other man from OLD. Perfectly handsome and nice man, there just wasn't enough in common for my liking, and I had already had a 2nd date with my now boyfriend and was more attracted to him overall. I declined a 2nd date with the other man. Don't expect anything from OLD, but you never know what will happen. I did get a ton of messages from guys, the large majority of which I never responded to. I spent very little time on the website, and if there wasn't something interesting in their picture or message, or if they clearly didn't have anything in common with me, I didn't want to waste my time or theirs. 2
KAOJ Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 OH!! Also expect *EVERYONE* to talk about how they love to hike, mountain climb, bicycling and on and on about how they *love* outdoor activities..... 2
deathandtaxes Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Don't expect anything from OLD, but you never know what will happen. This. Probably best advice I've read on here. And I try to employ it when I do OLD. Leave those expectation at home. You'll hit it off like MsOptimist or it might just be fun and ok.
deathandtaxes Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 OH!! Also expect *EVERYONE* to talk about how they love to hike, mountain climb, bicycling and on and on about how they *love* outdoor activities..... WTF is up with this??? Ggggkgjkgjg I see it so much on profiles. And I don't care for the outdoor stuff too much. So I'm not sure who they're trying to impress? 1
MsOptimist Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 OH!! Also expect *EVERYONE* to talk about how they love to hike, mountain climb, bicycling and on and on about how they *love* outdoor activities..... In my case this is very true for myself and my bf and we both back it up and spend most of our dates doing awesome things outdoors. I am a distance runner and he said I was the first runner to ever contact him from OLD. We run together, go to the gym, bike, hike, canoe. He said he had lots of women contact him saying that they worked out several times per week, but in reality did not and did not enjoy it. We are both thrilled to find someone who wants to do these kinds of things. 1
Babolat Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 OLD gets a lot of negative, a lot. I understand why. My experience 2 years ago was positie though. I ended up dating a woman for 12 months, it did not work out for various reasons, but I did meet someone. I actually met a lot of woman. I chose the last one I met to date ironically. I see OLD almost like a bar or any other social gathering place where folks hang out (a party, a festival, an event, etc). Guy walks in, walks up to a girl, starts a conversation, she replies, or not. Girl walks up to a guy, strkes up a conversation, guy responds, or not. Why do men bash OLD, really bash the women on OLD, because they do not get responses to their messages? Why do women bash OLD for getting "hit" on by too many men? Teah, it's a numbers game, should you chose to look at it that way. To me it was just another means to meet people, not the end all. Why do men say you have to change who you are, be a player, to get a "hit". I could not disagree more. I found, 2 years ago, just being me, worked well. If you have to change who you are to get a womans attention, well, then, IMHO, you have other things to work on and probably should not be on OLD. One of my female friends went on Match a few weeks ago. I was surprsied she did as to me she is a catch: 34, Beautiful, funny, witty, outdoorsy, Athletic, very social, great body. She got 80 emails her first day. She eventually responded to 2, met 1 and the guy was a creep she said. She emailed 2 and never got a reply. I looked at her profile for her and why those 2 guys did not reply confuses me...
Babolat Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 OH!! Also expect *EVERYONE* to talk about how they love to hike, mountain climb, bicycling and on and on about how they *love* outdoor activities..... Interesting..so I should no list what I like to do is what you are saying? I should lie, make some stuff up? I guess I fall into the EVERYONE category...oh well. And I never knew so many people liked this too, as when I go on the trails to hike or bike, it's usually pretty quiet. Look for photos that "prove" they do these things. That is what i did.
Babolat Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 In my case this is very true for myself and my bf and we both back it up and spend most of our dates doing awesome things outdoors. I am a distance runner and he said I was the first runner to ever contact him from OLD. We run together, go to the gym, bike, hike, canoe. He said he had lots of women contact him saying that they worked out several times per week, but in reality did not and did not enjoy it. We are both thrilled to find someone who wants to do these kinds of things. This is a better assessment of the EVERONE comment. Saying it and doing it are very different. The girl I ended up dating said she loved the mountains and the water, she loved to hike, camp, etc. What I learned was she had family with a home in the mountains and the Bay, where she loved to go and party most of the weekend. We went on one hike in 12 months, I went to the Bay house with her 2 times, only to watch everyone get trashed drunk then lay on the beach hungover the next day. Ugh....
KAOJ Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Interesting..so I should no list what I like to do is what you are saying? I should lie, make some stuff up? I guess I fall into the EVERYONE category...oh well. And I never knew so many people liked this too, as when I go on the trails to hike or bike, it's usually pretty quiet. Look for photos that "prove" they do these things. That is what i did. Nope. Just saying the majority of people *say* they do these things....some are being truthful, but in my experience they haven't been rock climbing for 10 years. And I will not go on a hike in the middle of nowhere with a complete stranger. Just saying. I never ever suggested that you (or anyone) lie.
MsOptimist Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 This is a better assessment of the EVERONE comment. Saying it and doing it are very different. The girl I ended up dating said she loved the mountains and the water, she loved to hike, camp, etc. What I learned was she had family with a home in the mountains and the Bay, where she loved to go and party most of the weekend. We went on one hike in 12 months, I went to the Bay house with her 2 times, only to watch everyone get trashed drunk then lay on the beach hungover the next day. Ugh.... Yikes! The only other man that I met from OLD also made it seem that he was much more athletic/outdoorsy than he was. In reality he liked fishing (that's cool), an occasional game of basketball, and did 1 race with his coworkers that he was suckered into. Don't lie about what you like to do - there are people out there who like to do those things as well. I wouldn't have messaged my bf if I hadn't seen those things in his profile because I very much wanted someone who is as active as I am. He did have pictures up on his profile that backed it up a bit. It wasn't obvious from my OLD pictures (I had 2), but once you talk to me you know I'm serious about training and being outdoors a lot. I agree with finding out early if those things are true. It was obvious on the first date with my bf that we were both on the same page as far as activities go.
Babolat Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Yikes! The only other man that I met from OLD also made it seem that he was much more athletic/outdoorsy than he was. In reality he liked fishing (that's cool), an occasional game of basketball, and did 1 race with his coworkers that he was suckered into. Don't lie about what you like to do - there are people out there who like to do those things as well. I wouldn't have messaged my bf if I hadn't seen those things in his profile because I very much wanted someone who is as active as I am. He did have pictures up on his profile that backed it up a bit. It wasn't obvious from my OLD pictures (I had 2), but once you talk to me you know I'm serious about training and being outdoors a lot. I agree with finding out early if those things are true. It was obvious on the first date with my bf that we were both on the same page as far as activities go. All of this is in my current profile. I listed the activities and hobbies I like, then I said something like "I am very active and would like the same in a partner. You do not have to like everything I do, nor do you need to join me in everything I do". I have dated the women who pretend to like everything I do, or who "need a life" so they want to do everything I do, with me. I hope this comment filters them out.
Babolat Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Nope. Just saying the majority of people *say* they do these things....some are being truthful, but in my experience they haven't been rock climbing for 10 years. And I will not go on a hike in the middle of nowhere with a complete stranger. Just saying. I never ever suggested that you (or anyone) lie. Ask them where they hike, when they last hiked, how often they hike, who they hike with (a group for example like I do). Using hike as an example here, goes the same for biking, kayaking, etc. A women messaged me last night asking where I like to bike..I thought that was a great question. She asked about a local upcoming biking event, if I was attending/signed up. And no, don't go hiking with them the first time you meet them! 1
MsOptimist Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Ask them where they hike, when they last hiked, how often they hike, who they hike with (a group for example like I do). Using hike as an example here, goes the same for biking, kayaking, etc. A women messaged me last night asking where I like to bike..I thought that was a great question. She asked about a local upcoming biking event, if I was attending/signed up. And no, don't go hiking with them the first time you meet them! Great advice! On our first phone conversation I mentioned trails that I sometimes run that are near where my bf lives and I could hear the smile in his voice. We talked about races in the area that we've run, groups I run with, etc. That first message that I sent him from OLD was very simple and to the point. I said something like, "It looks like we have a lot in common. Let me know if you'd be up for going for a run and/or grabbing a beer sometime." He thought that was great. We didn't run together on a date right away, and I would have insisted it was in a group run setting if he had wanted to run together right away. 1
lionoftheforum Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 As a woman, expect an overwhelming amount of messages from lots and lots of men which will possibly lead to an inflated ego and turn you into one of the stuck up precious princesses who prowl such sites feeding on attention. If you can stay grounded, well done. This. OLD is like crack for the female ego. Men? Don't bother. Your time and resources are better honing your day to day approach and closing skills. Virtual databases are exactly that, 'created' virtual environments. Kind of like Hollywood production by and for the masses. The only people who win in OLD are the advertisers and coders who produced the datbases.
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