Absolutely devastated, whats the next step?

[Hungup123]

Hello everyone,

 

I'll try to be brief, as my story is probably the same old thing.

 

Cliffs:

 

 

• Together 5 years.
  
• First 3 years were absolutely fantastic, never been happier or more in love.
  
• We then graduate college and have to handle "real life".
  
• She goes to grad school while I start working and struggling to pay the bills.
  
• I begin my career as a pilot and work a second job and persistently have a lot on my mind.
  
• We gradually stop going on dates and doing things with each other.
  
• We both get bitter and being as stubborn as we are, start to put up barricades.
  
• We become more of roommates than bf/gf. I get angry because she doesn't want to be physical anymore, and she says I don't treat her right.
  
• I start to exercise, eat right, and generally try to take care of myself; and although its not right of me, get upset by her lazy habits.
  
• Haven't kissed or done anything in months, as we are both very busy, and "bitter" to say the least as mentioned above.
  
• I'm living with her as my schedule and location is so varied, and she eventually tells me to get out.
  

 

 

 

 

Absolutely crushed.

 

 

 

 

I don't know what to do, and have never been so depressed in my life. I'm feverishly trying to find an apartment and build back up, but feel so overwhelmed that I just want to crawl in bed and stop. I have no friends in this new city and all of my college buddies are gone and married. I've never felt so alone and isolated and would give anything to get her back.

 

 

We talked for a short while after my initial struggle and told her (probably mistakenly) that I loved her very much and would do whatever it took to get us back to where we were. She was crying and said she just can't do it anymore and be hurt constantly.

 

 

 

A few days pass and she sends me an email stating that she was mentally preparing to break up the relationship for a long time, and never knew that I felt the way I did. She said it was much easier when she thought I didn't care and she has tried to position herself to move on. At the end she said she doesn't want me out of her life, just time to think things over and be apart.

 

 

 

The most recent event is that we talked last night for about 20 minutes or so about my current situation. I tried to sound upbeat and have a "I'm going to make it attitude", but it was really tough. She said she would call me later this week but, again, I don't know what to do. I feel awkward trying to act like I don't give a damn and going "no contact", but I also don't want to break down and confess my everlasting love for her.

 

 

Any advice would be appreciated as to what to do next. I could use a friend right now.

Edited September 18, 2013 by Hungup123

[Heathcliff_201]

If she is worth it, why not give it a shot and tell her how you feel? If she rejects you or still on the fence then you did all you could. Better to know then regret. My 2 cents.

[destroyed4sho]

Sounds like she is done with the relationship. She had been.mentally preparing for this.and going thru all the grieving stages while stringing you along....not right. Go no contact and let yourself completely heal first, then think about whether you want to be friends later.

The most you can get out of this is experience, take that and use it to your benefit in your next relationship. Keep moving!

[SuperGeek]

You're screwed. Your relationship is over.

 

Go no contact and get away from her, her friends, family, etc. Start over again. She's checked out.

 

I feel for you bro as I know you were working hard and doing everything you thought you were supposed to do. She's a real piece of work too to just bail on you like this, but clearly she isn't happy. A lot of guys are going through this now, especially since the gender roles and expectations are so screwed up these days.

 

I know it sucks. You probably feel like you just wasted so much time on someone that threw it all away. I feel the same too sometimes about my ex. It is what it is though. She is opting out, which she has the right to do.

 

If you don't have kids with her (I didn't see you mention it), pack your stuff and proceed to move out. Let her know what your plans are in a non-confrontational way. Set a date in the future when you'll be out of the house and just execute the plan. Give her what she wants, you out of her life. At this point treat her just like any acquaintance you'd meet on the street. No extra support, no hanging out and cuddling, no sex, just small talk until you're away. Then after that cut it off and move on.

 

You'll find someone who does want to work on a relationship with you. It will be painful for awhile, but it will get better in time. I'm over my break up from 3 years ago finally, but now I'm an ahole lol...

 

Being friends with her is not going to benefit you in ANY way at all. Just leave it in the past.

 

Geek

Edited September 19, 2013 by SuperGeek

[Hungup123]

I just want to tell her how I feel, since that is what ended the relationship. I was so cold and cutoff from her because I didn't like the way she acted. But now that shes gone I'm beside myself.

 

We are still in a relationship on facebook, but I think its because we are both terrified of putting a period on it. I'm also unclear if we're just on a break or if this is the final nail in the coffin. She keeps stating that she just wants time apart, but I feel like with each passing day she's moving on and I'm realizing more and more what I lost.

 

I want to call her every second and just hear her voice, but I know thats probably a mistake. Perhaps its part of the recovery phase, but I want to make sure she knows that I can't envision life without her.