marriedandmiserable Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I have been married for almost years and we have 3 children, 2 together and one from my previous relationship. I am extremely unhappy and have been for quite some time. Ive recently been diagnosed as severely depressed and started on medication and counseling. My issue is, though, that I don't feel any sort of connection with my husband, physical or emotional. I really want to get out but im afraid of my children suffering, they are 8,6, &4. Any advice out there??
GorillaTheater Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Any advice out there?? Just this: get your depression under control before you make any life-altering decisions. Make sure that you're making choices from a very clear perspective, and good luck. 5
carhill Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Welcome to LS. IMO, I'd clear up the depression prior to making any life-changing decisions. Oh, yep, GT got it first so I agree with him. Does your husband know you're thinking of divorce?
Balzac Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Knowledge is power. Step one is to meet w an attorney for a conference to understand local divorce reality. An initial conference is often no cost and always confidential. Meanwhile get treatment for your depression.
Author marriedandmiserable Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Welcome to LS. IMO, I'd clear up the depression prior to making any life-changing decisions. Oh, yep, GT got it first so I agree with him. Does your husband know you're thinking of divorce? No he really doesnt think it is at that point, but he can sense something is up. I am getting treatment for my depression, so hopefully that will be stabilized soon....but it isn't going to change the martial aspect. There's just nothing there anymore: -(
Moniq Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Maybe my husband is depressed and that's why he up and left and only after 3 months is ready to file. Do you have any idea how hard it its to be dumped and not know why? People are getting divorced for no logical reason ( cheating, abuse, addiction should be the ones that mean the most ) Depression is real and it can mess your entire system and way of living. Get help and that way you don't have to ruin a marriage and hurt your kids. Depression, ive read, can even make you hate certain foods you once loved. Please Please Please get help. Im sure you do love your marriage and one day be hole again. Being separated is no fun, and with kids harder. You might end up digging yourself into and even bigger hole and bigger depression. Just my thought. 3
carhill Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 If that's true, that there's 'nothing there anymore', when your counselor has processed you through to a neutral emotional state, then engage a MC, clarify the marriage and, if it's dead, file for divorce. If you're currently depressed and medicated, figure six months to a year of medication and counseling before reaching a neutral state, depending on how deep the depression is and how you respond to the treatments. One thing marriage taught me is that feelings change. As another poster mentioned, if your marriage lacks abuse, infidelity, substance use, etc, a lot of what is happening is right there in your brain chemistry. You're a part of the equation of feeling nothing. If you can change, it can change. Good luck. 2
MrWindupBird Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Depression's a tricky thing. I realized recently, and I always sort of knew, that life with my wife makes me depressed. Her and I are very different people for a number of reasons, and I have stopped looking at her like she's a bad person, but rather she is an incompatible person for me, at this point in our lives. You might want to deal with the depression before making big moves, but then again, you might be depressed until you make a big move. Just something to think about. 1
heartshaped Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I don't mean to discount your feelings, but I can tell you this coming from someone who has struggled with depression all of her life...it's the depression. In your head, you're unhappy. Not with him, but with everything so obviously that in your mind spreads to him and your marriage as well. You begin to wonder why you are unhappy because there has to be some reason...so again you come back to your marriage. I'd be willing to bet you are a SAHM as well. Getting depression under control takes a very long time and even then it can come back to rear it's ugly head. I'd wait until you are happy again. Truly happy with yourself and your life before making any decisions. If you are still depressed or unhappy any decision you make is being clouded by your depression. 2
vla1120 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I'm sorry that you are going through this. In addition to getting your depression under control (which will take months), I hope you will seek marriage counseling and communicate with your husband. Give him a chance to step up and support you. I know you said you have no feelings for him, but as other posters have pointed out, depression can be the cause.
keepontruckin Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 but it isn't going to change the martial aspect. There's just nothing there anymore: -( Then be up front and tell him you want a divorce. You be fair to him, and to yourself. You part ways. Since you want out, you should be the one that then moves out. And then once you're out, you file for divorce. The sooner you move on, is the sooner that he can move on. It is only fair to the both of you.
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