deni9 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 (edited) Why do men think controlling their girlfriend is ever a good idea? Why do they even do it? What are the roots of it? Does insecurity have to do anything with it? Do they fear that they are going to leave them? I'm sorry for all these questions, today for some reason all this has been in my head. I have been in a very serious relationship that lasted almost 2 years. I broke up with him in Early June. he abused me here and there, the last time he abused me I had enough of that crappy relationship, I realized I was worth more than that and I deserved better, especially if I was putting my all into it and he wasn't. He was just sooo controlling and dominant and had anger issues. when I saw in the mirror all the bruises, I knew I was doing something correct. now I have a new boyfriend; we've been dating for 4 months. and so, I notice hes been very worried, and he doesn't feel comfortable me going out. He gets mad when guys talks to me or if they look at me. and not too long ago he admitted that my past bothers him and he told me I should go seek someone way better than him. He said he cant compete with my ex. because my ex was taller and built and HE said that he probably had a bigger penis. (yup he said that) I was in shock. Now my current bf knows my past. and knows about my ex. My current bf actually helped me moved forward from my ex cause let me tell you, it was not easy, but I did it! But why is he comparing himself to my ex physically when obviously I left my ex and don't want nothing to do with him!!! Idc if he looked like Orlando Bloom or Matt Bomer!!! anywho. my bf now also admitted to me that he lost his virginity to me as well. and he feels like im too experience for him, that I deserve some one who can please me in every way, especially in bed. it makes me really sad for him to hear all this from him Because he was a very confident man, really cocky. like if you look at him u can tell he is because hes not bad looking at all. I mean hes a small framed guy but that doesn't mean anything, I don't care! hes a sweet guy, he really is, he literally fought to be with me! since i have been scarred emotionally from my previous relationship. He stood by me and was patient. it amazed me cause no guy has ever done that for me. its just I think he thinks im comparing him, when I really am not! he thinks I can do better, when in reality HE IS THE BETTER! Now, back to subject. He doesn't want me going out anymore. Unless im with him. He doesn't trust me anymore, when I've done nothing! ive been so honest with him. I think he is overthinking things! I just don't get a guys mind! im trying to put the puzzles together. I try to reassure him, but that's not working, I can tell he thinks im lying. but im not I feel like I cant fix this relationship, cause if a guy lost trust in me for no reason, and is insecure, I can only do so much to do anything, its up to him to want to fix it and fix himself! But if any man or woman who has been through this can help me out! I really care for this guy. Am I the one with the problem? because all my previous bf been like this. like they end up insecure and then getting angry at me. I mean randomly angry. some accuse me of random crap.I take relationships very seriously. I make sure I play the role of a woman, I am very respectful and understanding. I treat them how I want to be treated. I don't do things that I don't want them to do. My father and mother have raised me right. but also my past experience made me wiser and I have learned so much and I've applied. Every relationship I've been in, ive learned and apply to the next Im not a cheater. is there any way I can help my boyfriend? Because I really don't want to leave him. I think he is over reacting and its really bothering me. I've told him, it cant be like this anymore. he needs to trust me with all his heart or not. im giving him a chance to try to figure it out. if not, then im walking away even if I don't want to. my current bf is starting to "try" to control me. He told me once "no I know why ur ex controlled you. he had a point" I was like "wtf??? what the hell is that suppose to mean" and said "you need to be protected". got me wondering..what the hell is wrong with me?? these guys aren't teenagers either. my ex is 26 and bf now is 21. but both didn't have a father figure.. can it be that? Edited September 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
emva07 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 This will never chance. His insecurities are wayyyyy beyond a point that you can help. I used to be sympathetic to a guy like this but then you have to wonder " well who the hell will be sympathetic to me ???" Most times this is how these guys were raised to be. This is the norm for them. So in their mind they're being a real "man". It gets to the point where in a few years you will not go anywhere, you will be forced to wear clothes that covers you from head to the , an nothing you do will ever make him happy. No one can make these men happy.
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