srmano Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Me and my girlfriend went out for around 9 months for the first 7 months things were great then i got complacent. Around a month back she said she wanted to break up as her feelings had started to change, and i suggested we instead we try to make more of an effort to go out, so for two/weeks we would go out and had a good time. A little over a week ago i something didn't seem right, and so i asked her then and if she wanted to end things and she said yes.She said things had been good the last two weeks, but she didn't feel something was right. For the first couple of days she said that she wasn't sure if she made the right decision numerous times, and kept saying " i don't want to change my decision. i have missed you but i don't think i want to change my decision im sorry" and how she wants to keep coming back to me. When i asked her if she still loved me she said "i don't think i still have the same feelings". Last night i texted her and asked her if she enjoyed the last two weeks going out and she said " i don't want to ignore you but i don'r really want to talk to anyone". She has made it clear she wants me in her life, but the thing is i still love her, i made the mistake of essentially begging her to give it another go. Im going to try NC but i do work with her so am bound to see her 3 days of the week. When i asked her if she would date me in the future she said her "future is open-ended" and how we had a good relationship without fights. Is it possible i could get her back?
Ansem Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Sorry to hear the two of you broke up. It sounds like your a good guy, seeing as how you tried to fix the relationship when she begun to lose interest. At this point there is not much you can do except show patience and let her decide what she wants. I'm not entirely sure what you can do with your work situation and I hope someone with experience in that area can offer you advice but apart from that you should start NC. You already mentioned that she might regret her decision so let her miss you even more by removing yourself from her life. In cases like these, where we're the dumpees, there's no point in asking or begging them to come back. Additionally, after re-reading your post I came under the impression that she might have found someone else. I don't tend to believe that people just lose feelings for someone unless there's another party involved. When she mentioned she doesn't want to talk to anybody I think it's just a way to save face and her way of telling you to stop contacting her. Give it time and go NC, she can either be experiencing GIGS and come back to you or by the time she reinstates contact you d have already moved on. Like I said, you seem like a nice guy so stay strong and try not to think about her too much.
joe86 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Very similar BU to mine. Mine was about 5 or 6 weeks back. Its been a bit LC for me, we've caught up via text every couple of weeks & last week she said she wants to meet me for a coffee. Give her space & time. You know her, you know how to play this if you can clear your head and figure out what you need out of it. I'm not the best at it, but I soon realised it was up to her to show that she wants to still see me & from here, that she wants to change the way things are now rather than me doing anything. I'd say, try and do the same
Author srmano Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 shes always been a very emotional girl, i don't work directly with her which is good but ill occasionally see her, its difficult because the entire time we were together and for a couple months before we started dating we talked every day essentially for the whole day. SO i should just wait for her to contact me, the thing is i just don't want to annoy her like i have been doing and do want to respect her decision.
Viro12 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I feel a third party is involved. Usually if ur all she have she's stick right by you and accept you. This is especially u guys never have fights, and everything was going well. Until suddenly she turned cold. 1
lauri Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I feel a third party is involved. Usually if ur all she have she's stick right by you and accept you. This is especially u guys never have fights, and everything was going well. Until suddenly she turned cold. Sad but true. I think that if you go NC she will realize that you are more of a challenge and may start to chase you. I'd maintain full NC and focus on improving yourself as much as you can.
Author srmano Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 (edited) I was just going to try NC and just focus on sorting out things in my life, keep busy and get in better shape. Im tired of the sleepless nights, and its effect on other things in my life. If she wants me ill let her make the effort, i told her i'd keep in touch not sure if that was the right thing to do. Edited September 18, 2013 by srmano
Author srmano Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 how long should i maintain NC for? her birthday is at the end of next month
Ansem Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 You should maintain NC until she talks to you. Even if she does, try to remain collected and casually talk to her while keeping it short. Always have her start the conversations and never the other way around. If it goes past her birthday it's your decision to wish her a happy one but I wouldn't. Best of luck to you.
TrblinMN Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 This sounds very similar to my BU. She couldn't really say what was missing, all she could say is that she has to listen to her heart. Well, 5 months after our breakup, she got engaged to someone else. It crushed my hopes and spirits. I was devastated after I found out. I'm not saying there is someone else, but keep that in the back of your mind so if it was the case, you have at least prepared yourself for it. Just don't get your hopes up and then have them get crushed.
Author srmano Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) she sent me a text saying " i have no idea where i stand right now..." should i bother replying? Edited September 21, 2013 by srmano
Ansem Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Do not reply. What will you gain from it? You don't want someone that is unsure of themselves. Sounds to me like she is just checking to see if you will be her backup plan. 1
Chi townD Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 she sent me a text saying " i have no idea where i stand right now..." should i bother replying? Huh? That...doesn't make any sense. Therefore, ignore it. If she can't be open with you and send crap that you can't make heads or tails about...ignore it. That didn't say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I will do anything to get back with you." anything else is just breadcrumbs. 1
Author srmano Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 she sent another text saying "I don't want to date . I just need some time. I'm happy to go to uni together. And have coffee or whatever. But in the way of dinners etc. I'm not sure if I'm ready. I need to see how things go, I'm sorry I can't say much more"
movingonnow1 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 she sent another text saying "I don't want to date . I just need some time. I'm happy to go to uni together. And have coffee or whatever. But in the way of dinners etc. I'm not sure if I'm ready. I need to see how things go, I'm sorry I can't say much more" Those are breadcrumbs...just ignore...shes trying to keep you around.
Chi townD Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 she sent another text saying "I don't want to date . I just need some time. I'm happy to go to uni together. And have coffee or whatever. But in the way of dinners etc. I'm not sure if I'm ready. I need to see how things go, I'm sorry I can't say much more" Please tell me you're in NC. Because her text reads like she's answering some of YOUR questions!
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