Pearlbay Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Hello people, Let me start off by saying I've made several post-breakup mistakes and know I shouldn't be watching her profile on FB/Twitter in whatever ninja-way available. My ex (21) and I (25) have dated for 26 months of which the last two months were very very rocky due to several things: First red flag I noticed was when she stopped wearing her ring/necklace, we were sort of 'engaged' nothing official however. Her excuse for not wearing them was because she forgot to put it on after work. Which to me seemed illogical considering she worked there for over a half year by then and never ever forgot putting her ring/necklace on. The second red flag was that she suddenly was not in the mood for sex and was under a lot of stress. The third and heaviest red flag was when I was on her notebook and typed in some letters for whatever search I was trying to make in the urlbar and found out she had been on sites such as 'How do I make somebody fall in love with me?' 'How do I know somebody is in love with me?' you get the gist. After the third flag I confronted her and she told me she fell in love with some guy from work, this happened around halfway june and she said she didn't do anything with her feelings. The guy is around 190-195cm(I am 180cm) and according to her is more athletic, my build is 'normal'. So it suddenly seems she's going for the looks department muscular guys that are way taller than I am. I found out she posted cryptic messages on her Facebook/Twitter in the beginning of july such as 'I have to work tomorrow <3' which seemed kind of weird to me at the time. After two months of stress I went to her house bringing along her stuff and told her we should make a decision whether to stick together or not because the stress was killing us both and she seemed to be indecisive. So we broke up even though I didn't like the idea. At some point she stated to a mutual friend she was never(?) physically attracted to me and fell for my character.... Not sure what to think of that. Our intimacy was pretty good up till the past couple of months. Another reason was that I supposedly killed her social life/independancy. There has been several things in our relationship SHE killed/hindered: - She just wanted to do missionary, doggy-style(her favorite) hurt her and other stances were hasslesome which certainly made our sexlife dull - She stopped going to the gym - She stopped singing - She stopped dancing - She stopped going out with friends and when I kind of poked her to tell she should do stuff with her friends because some occasions she was asked to go somewhere and she just blatantly declined them. - Another friend of her had an argument with me over something simple over Facebook, she jumped in and they started bickering even though I remained calm. She however blocked the guy (her best friend at the time) and didn't speak to him for a year. Multiple times I've tried to get them to reconcile but she didn't want to hear from it. Now after our breakup she suddenly contacted him, which makes it seem as if I prevented her from contacting him even though I put effort into their reconciliation. So, in short she killed her own independency by dropping hobbies, interests and friends. BUT blames it al on me... We broke up the 26th of august and have decided to go into NO CONTACT but we both had moments at which we couldn't keep our mouth shut and it was more or less LOW CONTACT. At the moment I haven't spoken to her for almost two weeks; Although we had our FB/Twitter 'war' going up till the 9th of september. She keeps on posting stuff publicly so that she knows I will read it. Surely I wasn't the perfect boyfriend but I did try to give this relationship my all, I've had my ups and downs regarding jealousy in some occasions but never stopped her from doing things. However she had the same feelings of jealousy with me and even ran out a club once because I was casually talking to another girl(one that had a relationship with a friend of mine). Afterwards I never contacted that girl again because I didn't want to upset my girlfriend on purpose. (Beta-like? Maybe..) She posts all sorts of lyrics especially by Disney saying stuff as if she was caged, not free and that some person is blocking her path. Which all seems loads of crap because I always supported her in whatever she did and tried to give her back the things she dropped herself, contacted her old friends if they wanted to meet and some did, contacted the woman from the studio she singed with and that person wanted to make an album with my ex but my ex never contacted her back. She attended her previous school for like 6 years and she barely speaks to the people from that school anymore; Even her better friends dropped her but according to her it's all because of me.... Even after I explained it's normal for that to happen when you're not involved with each other anymore. With my previous exes I never really had problems leaving them behind and moved on pretty quick but I can't let go of this girl.... She's the prettiest, most intelligent and funnest girl I've ever dated with.... I felt as if we were soulmates, we had pretty deep conversations, we shared a lot of interests/hobbies and we could barely keep up fighting in real because we would end up looking at each other and laugh. We both said and did mean things post-breakup, such as the songtexts she posted kind of translated into me never letting her be herself and that I completely wrecked her. I'm not the songtext kind of person but pretty straightforward (unlike her) and in the heat of the moment I said something in the lines of every single woman being an untrustworthy insatiable harlot. Obviously she didn't take it really well and promptly blocked me in every way possible. I also obviously didn't mean it but was angry by her 'emotional cheating' and because I had previous relationships fail due to cheating/other guys etc. I still however have my ways to look on her profile(I'm just too curious ) and she keeps liking and posting stuff that are pretty mixed. One day she likes something saying ''Life is too short to wait.So, I won't wait for anything or anyone' and another time she likes on weheartit.com ''It's so hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember'' .. and of course she likes stuff that are probably about the new guy such as 'You look a lot like my new boyfriend.'. I had access to her fake second account on FB and noticed whenever she posted something on her FB-profile or Twitter she checked my profile with her fake account like 5-10 times a day to see if I responded to it(I guess). So obviously her intent with her posts were either to hurt me, lure me out or to keep me 'hooked'. It almost made it seem as if she doesn't want to lose me being around or something and thus keeps me involved indirectly. But obviously time will eventually tell. I've read the topic about the Grass is Greener Syndrome and my situation seems to be kind of like it but can't really know for sure. She did tell me stuff while breaking up like 'If we truly belong to each other we will find our way back together' and named situations with other people that got back together. Kind of weird considering she was kind of more the dumper although I iniated it because it was taking too long. Currently I'm going to the gym and went out a few times with friends and plan to do so in the future, I also talk to other girls again and seemingly one girl is attracted to me but I have no feelings for her as of now so I won't be acting on it. This breakup has highered my standards rather than lowering them. Also started reading a book and plan on improving my skills in general. So yes I am moving on with my life and am certainly open for anything else if I come across somebody that makes me genuinely interested but for some reason I can't stop being curious to see what she's up to in her life.
Philosoraptor Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Well that's your issue all together... you're way too worried about what's going on in her life and all it's doing is further confusing you and giving you more questions. You're not moving on becuase you're playing games rather than taking your focus off of her and putting it on yourself. While the reasons she left really do not matter, the fact is that she's gone and playing games is just going to waste your time. Go NC and stop digging around online. Delete your own facebook and twitter and whatever else. That way she won't worry about playing games and you can finally begin the process of letting go.
Author Pearlbay Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Well that's your issue all together... you're way too worried about what's going on in her life and all it's doing is further confusing you and giving you more questions. You're not moving on becuase you're playing games rather than taking your focus off of her and putting it on yourself. While the reasons she left really do not matter, the fact is that she's gone and playing games is just going to waste your time. Go NC and stop digging around online. Delete your own facebook and twitter and whatever else. That way she won't worry about playing games and you can finally begin the process of letting go. I haven't played those games for more than a week already. However she posts stuff publicly or 'friends-for-friends'. She even put her Twitter from hidden to public so it's obvious what game she's trying to play, but it ain't working. I'm no longer hooked and interested in playing them and perhaps in the past couple of days she REALLY is going to start feeling me not being around anymore. We're currently in NC; The digging around well, I'm a curious person in general so it's kind of difficult to change myself completely. I know where you're coming from and appreciate it but I do feel like I'm moving on since I don't have the extreme feelings of missing her and gradually feel better about myself as well. Also I feel like removing my Facebook completely is kind of a drastic thing to do especially since we've blocked each other. ; I have friends, colleagues and family on it as well it would generally just mean dropping my primary form of contact with friends which will negatively influence my process of moving on.
Philosoraptor Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Who are you trying to convince here? Me or you? You're rationalizing both your reasons to continue looking and your feelings here. You say you don't have any extreme feelings of missing here, yet you sought out an internet forum and posted them for advice. No one can stop you from looking, that's your choice. But don't lie to yourself about what your reasons behind it are.
Author Pearlbay Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 Who are you trying to convince here? Me or you? You're rationalizing both your reasons to continue looking and your feelings here. You say you don't have any extreme feelings of missing here, yet you sought out an internet forum and posted them for advice. No one can stop you from looking, that's your choice. But don't lie to yourself about what your reasons behind it are. I am at the stage where I can function and see a future without her; However that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to see her return in my life in several months or so as a friend. She was good company and a relationship as friends might work out better than partners. I'm not lying to myself about the reasons I check on her; SURE I would like her back be it as a friend or partner but I'm smart enough to see that ain't happening at least not in the near future. I feel like it's going better by the day and even looked at other girls with keen eyes. There's another girl in my life I like for 7 years already and on occasion kissed with. Too bad every time either of us is single the other is taken. Which is the case for her at the moment; I'm not interested in being her rebound though. When my ex returns I will surely friendzone her and only jump into a romantic relationship when I feel we both will benefit from it and changed or are willing to change certain things we did wrong the first time.
stormer1092 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Uhhhh NO CONTACT simple as that. If she wants to be in your life she will make an attempt.
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