My Complete Story

[Desirable]

Hello everyone, I am new here and have been lurking here recently. My story began three months ago and ended last week, however so much developed and happened within the past few months that it feels like years. I want to share my story with everyone here to maybe help someone out in their time of need, hear some comments, and kind of just cope a little too I suppose.

 

Here we go.

 

I am a 20 year old college student who excels in school and I have many wonderful friends and people in my life. I am a very happy person and always tend to look at he positives in life and just live life to the fullest each day. Life was great, I was acing my summer college course while working and making some extra money on the side, and just enjoying the free summer time I had with my friends when I could. Then that day came where we laid eyes on one another for the first time.

 

I walked into where I work to grab something to eat, dressed up in a royal blue lace dress, ready to go out with my friends. Going for the salad I whipped past the Bakery section, grabbed my salad, then turned around...and that was when we locked eyes. We locked eyes, but there was also an instant connection between us. He was so handsome, dressed up ready to take charge as a new manager. We held eye contact for what seemed like minutes, before we came back to reality and went our separate ways. That moment struck me weirdly, I had felt something there when we looked into each other's eyes, but continued about my day...with that in the back of my mind.

 

As I started coming into my shifts for work, all the girls would gush about the new manager in Bakery. It wasn't before long though that I had heard that he was ENGAGED to be married to his girlfriend of three years. He is 23 and had been engaged for about half a year at the point I believe, she was the same age. I quickly tossed the idea of him out of my head upon hearing that, thinking it would never go past a girly crush. That's when things started to get weird. I would be at my check stand, and lord and behold it was my handsome crush, always waiting in my line to buy his lunch. I started noticing him around more that is for sure. It seemed like he would find any reason to get near me, but I tried to brush that away thinking I was just fantasizing.

 

Fast forward two weeks of this behavior, and he finally approaches me in the break room. He asks me if I want to pick up hours in his department because they are short staffed. I tell him I am about to transfer stores but would not mind doing so because my department was cutting hours and I needed money. He says he will keep me updated and if is left casually, however my heart is racing. That night my phone lights up and he messages me on Facebook, saying he didn't mean to seem creepy but if I was really serious about picking up hours he'd keep my posted. I kept my reply light, not wanting to get involved. However, it went from talking about that, to him asking me about my major in college and other basic things about my life. We talked for hours, till finally he asked me to call him. I called him and we talked briefly on the phone. Then he began messaging me...me always trying to keep things short and professional and end things properly.

 

It wasn't before long until we began to get closer, learn more about each other, and become more attracted on one another. The whole time I knew what I was doing was wrong, yet I couldn't stop myself. He began sending me good morning texts, sweet good luck texts for tests, goodnight texts, I wish I could be with you texts. As much as these texts made my heart melt, I always voided them off and ignored them, and I could tell that hurt him. One day he finally asked me why I reject his affectionate texts (he knew I knew he was engaged), and I told him I just didn't feel comfortable accepting them because of his engagement. He said he was sorry and I told him I wanted to keep things at a friendship level because I didn't want to be that girl and cause trouble. He said he didn't want to lose me as a friend so he would respect anything I wanted.

 

After that conversation, I told him I was very happy for him and congrats on his engagement and asked about wedding plans and such. However, he was very short and unexcited about it all. I just kind of brush it off, but then he began to open up to me about his life with his fiancee. He basically told me he felt unappreciated, confused, doubtful, anything you could think of about his engagement to her. I tried to tell him to talk to her about it and work things out. He said he has tried everything but that it hasn't gotten better and that he has felt this way for quite some time. I just told him he deserves to be happy and that I hoped he could work things out with her.

 

We still texted everyday, just as friends and it wasn't long before he asked me to hang out. I cancelled on him twice before finally agreeing to a movie. I was nervous, but when we finally met up it was like everything fell into place...all the worries became non existent. He said, wow, you look gorgeous and We were so happy to see each other and he was a true gentleman. He paid for everything, held doors open, offered me his jacket if I was cold...We enjoyed the movie, and afterwards he hugged me and we ended up kissing each other. We walked around mall holding hands, acting like a couple, laughing, and everything, just growing closer. He was so romantic, he would hold me and brush my hair out of my face and just stand there quietly, looking into my eyes. It felt so real between us. He was always looking at me and smiling. Finally he walked me to my car, kissed me goodbye and held my face, telling me he had so much fun with me today and couldn't wait to see me again. We texted afterward, just talking about how much fun we had and such.

 

The next day, he sent me a text saying I have so much going on in my head, but you are so perfect. Everything about you, you are gorgeous, smart, have a beautiful heart...your laugh, your smile, just YOU. I can't get you out of my head. I think about you all the time and I dream about you. You would be the one chosen. My heart dropped...I didn't know what to say. It was all so perfect, except for that darn elephant in the room. I told him I couldn't do this anymore and that I didn't want to see him because I can't just settle for part of him. He got really worried and told me he would drive from work (which was 30-45 mins away) just to sit and talk with me face to face. I agreed to it.

 

We met up at my favorite coffee place and talked about everything. He told me he regretted proposing to his fiancee and that he should have thought things through more. I asked him what was holding you back from leaving and he said there was so much invested into his relationship with her. Financially, the lease doesn't end till May and if she moved out he would be stuck paying two rents, he would get stuck paying for furniture he doesn't even own while she would take most of it, the families put a heavy pressure on them to take the next step, and when he proposed he felt like she was it because they had been together for three years and wasn't sure if there was anyone else. I didn't know what to say, my heart wanted to tell him to just leave her and be with the girl who makes you happiest, but I didn't think it was my place to say. I sat there quietly and he just grabbed my hands over the table and just caressed my ring on my left ring finger. That is where he looked me in the eyes and told me I am falling so hard for you. I told him I really liked him too, but that I just wanted him to be happy and find the genuine happiness he deserves with whomever he decides to be with. I told him there surely must be something there between you and your fiancee if you have stayed this long, and he said there have been good times yes, but I just don't ever see us making it down the aisle. I asked him what he was going to do, because this was complicated. He said he could never marry a girl who wouldn't love him for who he really was and who he had to change a lot about himself to meet her needs. Then he said I want to be with you. I told him okay, then let's be together. He said it was going to take a little time to get things sorted but that it had to be mutual between them both to make the split as easy as possible and to divide things equally and integrate me into his life easily without me getting dirty looks. When we talked about the whole plan, every concern I had...like not wanting to start dating right away because that would look bad, he had voiced first and it was as if he had already been thinking things through already and planning.

 

So we still began spending time together, going on many fun dates. We would go to parks, go swimming, go have breakfast before he went to work, went and listened to jazz music at a coffee shop, watched sunsets at the lake, even looked at furniture together! He never once tried to have sex with me or anything. He was always very respectful. Meanwhile he would tell me how things were over at his place with her. He said they would fight a lot and that she would say she was having second thoughts too and such. It was all going well.

 

Then about three weeks ago, I noticed he seemed troubled. He said he was sorry if he seemed distant but that he was getting really stressed out with work and that it was getting to the breaking point with his fiancé and having huge fights every night. It was taking a toll on him. I told him no matter what I was there for him as a friend too, and he said he couldn't wait to just roll over next to me and kiss me and tell me how lucky he is every single day. He said he was so lucky just to have my attention. He always talked of a future with me, would always say thing like WHEN we are together, or we are GOING to do this together down the road. He never came off as iffy. He would even get sad because he said it bothered him that he couldn't just lay with me whenever he wanted and when we hung out he would look me in the eye while brushing my hair and holding my face, and tell me I am in this for you.

 

One morning, he came over to my place because he had work late. After a little over two months of falling deeply for each other, we finally made love to each other. We just cuddled afterward in each other's arms, talking about random nonsense, laughing and such. It was wonderful. He was very sad when he had to go to work haha. After that happened, he told me he loved me, but I just didn't have to courage to say it back to him because I was afraid. I told him instead I was falling deeply for him too. I did love him, but I didn't want to say it too soon. I told him I was very grateful for him and he said he was very happy to hear that. For the next two weeks we just kept talking the way we normally would, just growing closer into love like we have been for almost three months. He would sing to me, ask me for my approval on his haircut, send me good morning messages, back and forth sweet talk throughout the day.

 

The last thing he told me two weeks ago was I can't get over how amazing you are, then suddenly he just kind of dropped off the face of the earth. I didn't hear from him for a few days until I finally discovered that he was on a cruise with his fiancee and another couple. This crushed me that he would leave without even telling me, but apparently the cruise had been planned for months and I guess he didn't want to hurt me or something.

A week of silence, I didn't blow up his phone or anything, and I wake up to a message last Thursday, saying I am sorry for everything I have done but I NEED to make things work with my fiancee. Words can't describe how sorry I am for everything I have done. I just told him thank you for telling me and that I will miss you. Goodbye. To which he said I drug you into this awkward place and I am so sorry. I just told him I loved him and that I was happy for him that he found happiness with her again. He said he still had so much crap going on in his head but that he didn't want to drag me into it anymore. I asked him if he ever meant anything he said to me and he said he did, but that this was something that needed to be done. I just told him before I say goodbye, I just wanted to let him know that what I felt was real towards him and that only he knows if he felt it too. I told him I truly did fall in love with him and that I hope this woman is everything he could want and more in a wife (even though he would always say he wasn't truly happy with her) because I would have given him the world if I was given the chance. I wished him well and he said you are such an amazing person and I hope you find the guy and love that you deserve.

 

And that is my story. It has been a week since that text happened, and I cried a lot that day. My friend who still works where I use to work and he still works says that he has looks so miserable the past few days and that every time he talks to him, he just keeps things very short vs how he use to joke around back when we were talking. My friend (who is a guy) says he can tell when a man is heart broken...they have a certain hop when when walk and look on top of the world. My friend said he had that when I was in his life, but that now he looks broken and sad.

 

I don't know whether to take that seriously because I haven't seen it for myself, but if anything it didn't make me feel better to hear he isn't happy. I thought it would, but if anything it is just sad. Sad that two people who like each other so much just weren't meant to be. That is what is heart breaking.

 

I know what I did was wrong and irresponsible, but sometimes these things aren't logical. Love isn't logical. Even though we didn't end up happily ever after in the end, I know we fell in love. I know what we had was real, and I know I am going to get heat from people and some negative feedback. You don't just fake love, everything that happened between us...the actions, the feelings, how he would look at me with that twinkle in his eye, how he would light up when he saw me, you don't fake that. That fact that he let me go and didn't continue to string me along prove to me that he loved me enough to let me go and find true happiness, even if it wasn't with him. I don't know why he NEEDS (which he emphasized the word NEEDS when he broke it off last week) to work things out with her, but I sincerely hope and pray that he finds the genuine happiness he deserves. I was a little bitter at first, but now I can just smile and know that we truly did fall in love with each other, and smile on the memories and short time we shared together. It may have only been a couple months, but I will never forget how we spent the summer under the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. He told me I showed him what it meant to be genuinely happy...and if my purpose in his life was to at least give him a taste of genuine happiness, then that makes me smile. If he can look back on our times together, when things get rough, and it shine some light or if it can help him in the future in anyway, then that means the world to me. I don't know if we will meet again in the future, and I am trying not to hold onto that hope, but I will always hold a love and special place in my heart for him. Some things just aren't meant to be. And it is sad, but it is also okay, because the future is so bright and there are so many reasons to smile.

 

Sorry it is so long, I appreciate anyone who made it to this point. Feel free to comment and leave opinions and such

Edited September 18, 2013 by Desirable

[HopingAgain]

I suppose its possible he truly fell in love with you. But the most likely possibility is that this guy is a player and once he got you in bed he lost interest because his goal was to sleep with you from the beginning. Be glad that you're rid of him!

[Desirable]

I suppose its possible he truly fell in love with you. But the most likely possibility is that this guy is a player and once he got you in bed he lost interest because his goal was to sleep with you from the beginning. Be glad that you're rid of him!

 

Honestly I have been used by guys in the past for sex, and they never once cared to go out with my publicly and do something fun and just enjoy each other's company. They wouldn't stick around long either if they saw they weren't ever going to get sex and would always push for it somehow by trying to hang out at parties or have me go over to their place.

 

This guy never once pushed for it or tried to do anything funny. He always suggested doing something fun and in public. I could tell he really liked being in my company. Trust me, I know a guy isn't going to waste his time taking a girl on many dates just to sleep with her once. Guys that just want sex won't go through that much effort for it and just go seek for it somewhere else.

 

Idk that is my two cents but you are entitled to your opinion haha.

[Quiet Storm]

I think you are romanticizing this way too much.

 

His words are only words. They mean nothing if they have no action to back them up. There is a name for what he did- future faking.

 

I think he has probably done this before with coworkers. The reason you felt so close and so perfect for him is because he knows what to say. Guys your age are still learning how to connect with women, and their communication style doesn't make you feel connected to them. This guy knows how to communicate with women, how to make them feel special & validated. He knows how to "mirror", which makes it feel like it was so real. He "got" you- he knew what you needed & provided it.

 

He is not married yet, so if he was that much in love with you, he could end his relationship. He has chosen not to do that. He is going to stay with his fiance, get married & live a life with her. The connection you two had together is not meaningful enough for him to change his life.

 

Now you have to guard your heart, because he will be back for more. He knows that you love him and that you will miss him. He knows that you enjoy his friendship & talks. So expect that he will put himself in situations to be close to you, because he does like you. However, do not fool yourself into believing he will leave his fiance for you. He will come back for an affair, but that's all it will ever be.

 

You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. In the future, stay away from "taken" men. Even if they make it sound like their relationship is over or dying. Do not allow yourself to be a supplement to someone else's relationship. Do not believe words that are not backed up with action- no matter how real they seem. Understand that some men have the "gift of gab" and they are masters at using their words to meet their own agenda. Understand that there are also many men that are confused & emotionally damaged- they may not intentionally try to manipulate you, but their brokenness causes you the same pain.

 

I say this often because it's true- As an adult, you have to babysit yourself. You have to act as your own parent and keep yourself out of situations and away from people that have the potential to hurt you. You know this guy has hurt you, he has lied to you, he went on a cruise with his fiance without telling you and he's marrying another woman. Continuing a friendship with him will only bring you more pain.

 

If you don't think men will wait & put effort in for sex, you have a lot of learning to do. Don't underestimate the lengths some men will go to for sex. They will be patient if they think there will be a prize at the end.

Edited September 18, 2013 by Quiet Storm

[Desirable]

I think you are romanticizing this way too much.

 

His words are only words. They mean nothing if they have no action to back them up. There is a name for what he did- future faking.

 

I think he has probably done this before with coworkers. The reason you felt so close and so perfect for him is because he knows what to say. Guys your age are still learning how to connect with women, and their communication style doesn't make you feel connected to them. This guy knows how to communicate with women, how to make them feel special & validated. He knows how to "mirror", which makes it feel like it was so real. He "got" you- he knew what you needed & provided it.

 

He is not married yet, so if he was that much in love with you, he could end his relationship. He has chosen not to do that. He is going to stay with his fiance, get married & live a life with her. The connection you two had together is not meaningful enough for him to change his life.

 

Now you have to guard your heart, because he will be back for more. He knows that you love him and that you will miss him. He knows that you enjoy his friendship & talks. So expect that he will put himself in situations to be close to you, because he does like you. However, do not fool yourself into believing he will leave his fiance for you. He will come back for an affair, but that's all it will ever be.

 

You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. In the future, stay away from "taken" men. Even if they make it sound like their relationship is over or dying. Do not allow yourself to be a supplement to someone else's relationship. Do not believe words that are not backed up with action- no matter how real they seem. Understand that some men have the "gift of gab" and they are masters at using their words to meet their own agenda. Understand that there are also many men that are confused & emotionally damaged- they may not intentionally try to manipulate you, but their brokenness causes you the same pain.

 

I say this often because it's true- As an adult, you have to babysit yourself. You have to act as your own parent and keep yourself out of situations and away from people that have the potential to hurt you. You know this guy has hurt you, he has lied to you, he went on a cruise with his fiance without telling you and he's marrying another woman. Continuing a friendship with him will only bring you more pain.

 

If you don't think men will wait & put effort in for sex, you have a lot of learning to do. Don't underestimate the lengths some men will go to for sex. They will be patient if they think there will be a prize at the end.

 

Oh don't worry, I went ahead and deleted EVERYTHING...texts, number, my Facebook...after all of this happened. I don't intend on contacting him and I am going on with the intention of moving on honestly.

 

I am really okay It did hurt because so much was said, done, and promised, but at the same time he is the one who will have to live with it. He is the one who will have to live with a fiancé whom he isn't truly in love with and that is the bed he made and has to lay in now.

 

I say he doesn't truly love her because he was able to feel this way for me. You don't do that to someone you truly deeply love with all your heart. Their engagement at this point is pretty much worthless I think, but that is his problem. They have so many issues anyway, so good luck to him!

 

I honestly pray he doesn't come back, so we can both just move on with our lives, but it he does. I won't accept a friendship or scrapes. I will tell him that if he is still with her then we simply cannot talk and that if he wants to talk to me, he needs to be a SINGLE man.

[Desirable]

Sounds almost certainly that his fiance found out. He then pannicked at the thought of losimg her, decided he didnt want to break up with her, and stopped contact with you.

 

Im glad you are handling it well.

 

Just learn from it and move pn. Dont ever get involved with a taken man, no matter what.they say or promise b/c it will very rarely lead to anything but heartache.

 

I have no idea what happened, and I didn't care to pry. It is his business so I will stay out of it.

 

I know I am a good girl and I have a lot to offer. It just helps to not think negatively about it and think he was just using me. Because I still believe we did genuinely like each other. But at the same time things aren't meant to be and that's okay. There is too much to look forward to to just sit around and wonder what could have been!

 

Besides, what does his engagement mean at this point? It has been broken for awhile even before I came in (according to him), it is damaged beyond repair at this point. But that is his decision.

[Desirable]

Most cheating men tend to vastly overstate problems in their primary relationship. Things are/werent as bad as he let on. Or maybe they were going thru a rough patch but are back to normal, or maybe shes pregnant

 

At any rate, he is where he truly wants to be, otherwise he would have ended it with her.

 

Glad you arent beating yourself up with Whys and Hows? Stay away frpm taken men, they suck!

 

Honestly I did wonder if things were as bad as he was letting on and I had those questions too. I had my doubts throughout the whole thing as well even if he did leave her. There was too much working against us to even have a healthy normal relationship honestly. I wouldn't want to date someone just fresh out of a long term relationship now that I think about it.

 

I truly hope he is happy. Everyone deserves to be genuinely happy. I know I sound so naive to you guys because I am so young, but I am just a positive person in general because being jealous, angry, bitter, or anything like that is just punishment on yourself. I really believe every person, good and bad, deserves true love and genuine happiness in life.

 

I know he hasn't been genuinely happy with lots of things, and I hope he is making the right decisions with his life. I just wish him well It is always best to wish people well, even if they have done you wrong. It feels better to wish them well vs beat yourself up and hate them.

[Quiet Storm]

Oh don't worry, I went ahead and deleted EVERYTHING...texts, number, my Facebook...after all of this happened. I don't intend on contacting him and I am going on with the intention of moving on honestly.

 

I am really okay It did hurt because so much was said, done, and promised, but at the same time he is the one who will have to live with it. He is the one who will have to live with a fiancé whom he isn't truly in love with and that is the bed he made and has to lay in now.

 

I say he doesn't truly love her because he was able to feel this way for me. You don't do that to someone you truly deeply love with all your heart. Their engagement at this point is pretty much worthless I think, but that is his problem. They have so many issues anyway, so good luck to him!

 

I honestly pray he doesn't come back, so we can both just move on with our lives, but it he does. I won't accept a friendship or scrapes. I will tell him that if he is still with her then we simply cannot talk and that if he wants to talk to me, he needs to be a SINGLE man.

 

 

Good. I am very glad to here that you are not open to friendship. Even if he were to become single, he would not make a good partner. Look at his character traits. He lies, he sneaks, he avoids, he's inconsiderate, he's weak. Not good boyfriend material.

 

People have affairs because of their own personal issues. It's not a reflection of the relationship. People in good marriages cheat. And people in bad marriages don't cheat. It's a character issue.

 

Cheaters are messed up emotionally and can't cope with their problems. Think of an affair like an addiction. Drugs are a way to self medicate. Emotionally unhealthy people use drugs to cope because they don't know how to handle their feelings. They were never shown healthy coping skills. Affairs are used in the same manner. Do you think drug addicts stop loving their wife & kids because they lie & are sneaky? No- they still love them, but their emotional issues cause them to act out in unloving ways. It's all about them and the messed up way they deal with life. They are not capable of having a healthy relationship because of their own issues. OW are a band aid, a coping mechanism, just like a hit of crack is to an addict. OW should not assume that just because he is cheating it means he wants out of the relationship. OW should assume that he has issues that are not circumstantial or situational, but issues that are a reflection of the kind of person he is.

[Desirable]

Good. I am very glad to here that you are not open to friendship. Even if he were to become single, he would not make a good partner. Look at his character traits. He lies, he sneaks, he avoids, he's inconsiderate, he's weak. Not good boyfriend material.

 

People have affairs because of their own personal issues. It's not a reflection of the relationship. People in good marriages cheat. And people in bad marriages don't cheat. It's a character issue.

 

Cheaters are messed up emotionally and can't cope with their problems. Think of an affair like an addiction. Drugs are a way to self medicate. Emotionally unhealthy people use drugs to cope because they don't know how to handle their feelings. They were never shown healthy coping skills. Affairs are used in the same manner. Do you think drug addicts stop loving their wife & kids because they lie & are sneaky? No- they still love them, but their emotional issues cause them to act out in unloving ways. It's all about them and the messed up way they deal with life. They are not capable of having a healthy relationship because of their own issues. OW are a band aid, a coping mechanism, just like a hit of crack is to an addict. OW should not assume that just because he is cheating it means he wants out of the relationship. OW should assume that he has issues that are not circumstantial or situational, but issues that are a reflection of the kind of person he is.

 

That is truly very sad to read, but I guess it is reality right? I will agree with you that there are some truly broken people out there, but generalizations of all people who go through affairs isn't fair I feel. I know people who cheated and ended up happy with their current spouse and haven't cheated once ever again and don't ever plan to because they found the love they were looking for.

 

Every situation is different. Every person is different. Every circumstance is different. Even if most of the affairs on this board end up in heartache, we cannot generalize and say each affair is the same or that each OW, cheater, or whatever is the exact same.

 

I am not trying to defend cheating and I am not saying the guy in my case is an angel...I don't think him and I will every be together honestly. I am just saying it seems unfair to judge those whom we don't really or group people into a generalization.

[HopingAgain]

Honestly I have been used by guys in the past for sex, and they never once cared to go out with my publicly and do something fun and just enjoy each other's company. They wouldn't stick around long either if they saw they weren't ever going to get sex and would always push for it somehow by trying to hang out at parties or have me go over to their place.

 

This guy never once pushed for it or tried to do anything funny. He always suggested doing something fun and in public. I could tell he really liked being in my company. Trust me, I know a guy isn't going to waste his time taking a girl on many dates just to sleep with her once. Guys that just want sex won't go through that much effort for it and just go seek for it somewhere else.

 

Idk that is my two cents but you are entitled to your opinion haha.

 

You sound very young. As you gain more life experience you will discover that some men truly enjoy the thrill of the chase. They will wine, dine, and romance a woman for the idea of conquering her...the conquest. There isn't really any logic to it, its just what they do. Plus this guy is only 23 and about to get married right? He was trying to sow some last wild oats before taking the plunge. If this were not the case, he would have ended the engagement to be with you.

[Desirable]

You sound very young. As you gain more life experience you will discover that some men truly enjoy the thrill of the chase. They will wine, dine, and romance a woman for the idea of conquering her...the conquest. There isn't really any logic to it, its just what they do. Plus this guy is only 23 and about to get married right? He was trying to sow some last wild oats before taking the plunge. If this were not the case, he would have ended the engagement to be with you.

 

Maybe you're right. Only he knows for sure what he was thinking. Man we shared every little detail about each other though. Childhood stories and such, just small funny things like that, and he remembered every single little thing I told him too! He was a really good listener and was always genuinely interested in many aspects of my life and would always ask about everything, but ah I guess men are great actors when it comes to le sex haha

 

Yea I guess he would be with me if he really wanted to. He chose her! Hope he made the right choice and is happy

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I read the whole thing, and no matter what some here will say, heeeeeeeeeeee is the trashy one in this equation.

 

You afforded us pretty good, detailed review of how a young (hottie, I'm guessing) evolves to such a point.

 

Not only have you had your hands full with just the affair, but you quadrupled the ante by sharing a workplace.

 

You simply don't need this, and yet it is fair that you recognize some gain from the experience, in the way that you are valuing your own personal investments in others, made previously.

 

 

The close environment/proximity shared with the wife on the cruise, caused this trashy guy to focus (perhaps for the first time ever???) on the only thing he could get his hands on from that position and he reinvigorated his emotional investment IN her in so doing.

 

IT was probably more a function of his having had nothing (or no one) else to do, than of any moral character he has, that he did this... but nothing about your story is a surprise.

 

Now is the time to give yourself some credit:

 

You went through the motions, and invested yourself instinctively and emotionally in another person... and then you made that investment your everything.

 

YOU did that ! And you know you can repeat the procedure with a more deserving person. It's OK that you followed the ATTENTION... but I hope you will put yourself in scenarios where indeed ALL of the available attention CAN be yours, without endless competition from somewhere else.

[Desirable]

I read the whole thing, and no matter what some here will say, heeeeeeeeeeee is the trashy one in this equation.

 

You afforded us pretty good, detailed review of how a young (hottie, I'm guessing) evolves to such a point.

 

Not only have you had your hands full with just the affair, but you quadrupled the ante by sharing a workplace.

 

You simply don't need this, and yet it is fair that you recognize some gain from the experience, in the way that you are valuing your own personal investments in others, made previously.

 

 

The close environment/proximity shared with the wife on the cruise, caused this trashy guy to focus (perhaps for the first time ever???) on the only thing he could get his hands on from that position and he reinvigorated his emotional investment IN her in so doing.

 

IT was probably more a function of his having had nothing (or no one) else to do, than of any moral character he has, that he did this... but nothing about your story is a surprise.

 

Now is the time to give yourself some credit:

 

You went through the motions, and invested yourself instinctively and emotionally in another person... and then you made that investment your everything.

 

YOU did that ! And you know you can repeat the procedure with a more deserving person. It's OK that you followed the ATTENTION... but I hope you will put yourself in scenarios where indeed ALL of the available attention CAN be yours, without endless competition from somewhere else.

 

I should have been clear, I transferred stores before anything ever happened between us...like before we admitted feelings and feelings began to develop. We started talking just casually as friends and then literally a week later I transferred so I have not been working near him for quite some time now actually. So that isn't an issue thank goodness!

 

He definitely wasn't in the right and neither was I. We both did wrong. Why go through with the engagement if you aren't going to be faithful though? Wouldn't it be fair to him and her and everyone in their lives to just end it, that way they can go live the lives they want and be with who they want (whether that is with someone else or multiple other people)? That is something I don't quite understand and I guess I never will. I can't imagine cheating on the man I promised to marry. If I personally felt doubts, I would at least communicate and try and work on it, and then if that really didn't work I would end it. But i guess that is easier said than done sometimes.

 

Yea I figured they would get closer or something on the cruise, but that is only a temporary fix I feel. It is easy to be happy in paradise, but they do have to go back to reality and that is where things will start to falter between them again. They were sleeping separately and everything, fighting constantly, you can't just fix all the underlying issues of a relationship within a week on a cruise.

 

I hear he is miserable now though. I have heard he is just so sad at work now, and this is coming from my friend who talks to him daily. My friend knows about the whole story, he is one of my best friends actually. He became buddies with my exMM when he first started working there. He told me there is such a noticeable difference in him now...when I was in his life, he was always bubbly and that he could even tell he was into me before I even formally met him, but now since we ended it he says he is downright miserable and sad. My friend was there through it all too, he saw how we were together and everything. He is a very smart guy and is always pretty spot on with his readings of people and his predictions, and he knew my exMM was falling in love with me.

 

You are right about one thing though, I am relieved to not have to worry about this anymore and I most definitely won't get involved with a "taken" make EVER again. I do feel free, and it is nice I do plan on giving my attention to someone who is completely available to me...with time of course. Right now, I just kind of want to be alone, be happy with my life and myself, focus on my schooling, and be around the people I love. I am not really worried about looking for love at the moment, but it will find me when the time is right.

[2sure]

He planned a future with you, had sex with you, and went on a cruise with someone else without even mentioning it to you or calling you.

 

That's what he did . The rest was all just pretend.

[Speakingofwhich]

I think you were fortunate he chose his fiancee.

[Desirable]

I think you were fortunate he chose his fiancee.

 

Yea in the end at least I have the freedom to find happiness you know? They are both the ones stuck in an engagement that is pretty much meaningless now...

[leftfordead2]

Yea in the end at least I have the freedom to find happiness you know? They are both the ones stuck in an engagement that is pretty much meaningless now...

 

Yes, but you do see you had a part to play in this as well? It seems like you are pushing all the blame on the guy..

[Desirable]

Yes, but you do see you had a part to play in this as well? It seems like you are pushing all the blame on the guy..

 

Yea I never claimed to be a saint in all of this. He did pursue me though and I ended up reciprocating. I'm human, I couldn't help it because I started to like him. I am aware I made a mistake too and honestly I feel bad for the fiancé...I honestly feel everyone in this story deserves to find true happiness and love. Yea we both made a mistake, but you can only grow from it right? Well hopefully at least. Each party in this case is so young, we all have so much growing up to do. We are at that point in our lives where we are living and learning