CJJ1212 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I was with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years. I broke up with her and we were broken up for a year. We just started talking again and it looks like we are developing feelings. My big problem is accepting she slept with someone. More that she let some random guy inside her with no commitment which has me questioning is she the girl i really new. I know that i can expect her to consider me at all when she was single, especially for a year but what kills me more is just that this was a random guys with no commitment she had sex with and makes me feel like it contradicts with who i thought she was. Please help!!! need as much feed back as i can.
Philosoraptor Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 If you can't get past it, then don't get with her. She was single and free to do anything, or anyone, she wanted to do. If you want to try again you need to leave the past in the past and focus on a present and future with her. Who knows why she made this decision? Maybe she was lonely and hurting, looking for self validation. Maybe she was horny and just wanted to feel someone thrusting inside of her. Regardless, it's the past and needs to be left there. Were you with anyone else during the time apart?
lylat333 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Most people are probably going to tell you this isn't a big deal, but what's important is how you feel. My thoughts, this coming from someone who has only been intimate with a couple of women, and I'm 27 (but I've been in a relationship most of my adult life) - A year is a fairly long time. If it was just 1 guy she slept with, imo that speaks pretty well of her character considering the culture we live in. If she feels bad about it and sees it as a mistake, you must understand this fact of life - people make mistakes. I understand wanting to be bitter, especially if you didn't get intimate with anyone over this period of time but I know I can think of at least 1 big mistake I have made each year of my life. It takes mistakes to learn. If it was an honest to goodness mistake, don't let that completely shape 'who you thought she was'. If you pursue a relationship with her, this will continue to be an issue if you don't find complete peace on it beforehand. Do both of you a huge favor and don't pursue a relationship if there is any doubt in your heart over this. I've been there. I'll share some personal story - the ex I am dealing with... when I first saw her and learned of her she struck me as very straight-laced and put together, exactly what I was looking for. One month in, she drunkenly kissed another guy, completely blindsided me. But I was falling for her, she said she had never done anything like that before, he pressured her into it and we weren't even a full-blown couple yet. Later on I learned more details of her past that really screwed with how I saw her. People gave me the same advice I am giving you - don't hold this over her and while I tried to never do that it was an issue that ate at me at times. What I should have done is pulled myself away from the person I couldn't get away from and make peace with where I felt. Instead I battled my insecurity for over a year and our relationship suffered. Thankfully she loved me and was very patient with me, but this is only because she clearly hurt me. In short, no one can tell you how you feel but I don't see it as a dealbreaker. If you think she is developing feelings for you, OK. But as a forewarning her fuse regarding this is probably going to be very short, don't drag her into your deliberations and don't expect her to be too patient with you agonizing over this, it will be a turnoff for her. Once you know where she stands, you make a clear decision and move forward with it.
Mariposa10 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 You broke up with her, what are you talking about you? I get the feeling you didn't sleep with anybody during that time. Would you be feeling the same if you had slept with someone. If this is gonna keep bothering you, do yourself a favor and get away from this girl. Or maybe take things slowly...? Start dating her, and see how you feel. Just keep something in mind: she didn't cheat on you.
LifeIsGreat Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Don't think you're going to want to hear this, but here it goes anyway::: First, I'm assuming you're pretty young. If that's the case I understand where you're coming from. The way you're thinking considering the circumstances is simply inmature. It's a combination of inmature and insecure. I do feel your pain, BUT if you get control of your emotions by using your head you won't have your emotions getting a hold of you.
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