SoonMyFriend Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Backstory: I was on vacation and hooked up with a guy I know through mutual friends. We've met before, and maybe see each other once a year when this group travels. We didn't discuss things much before/after the hook up in terms of "what does this mean?" We just basically came up with our alibis (we kept it secret from the group) and he left my hotel room afterwards. We talked a bit on FB afterwards (just basically "hey so did your story hold up?") and that was that. I should have left things alone there, but after a chat with one of my girlfriends who was on the trip she was talking about how much this guy liked me, etc etc and then I wanted to get back in touch with him to make sure we were both on the same page as far as treating this as a fling and nothing more. So I sent him a Facebook message a week after the hookup. We messaged back and forth casually, and then finally the other day I was just like: "Ok well I won't keep messaging you if you want to end the conversation, I just wanted to check in to make sure everything is OK with us since we didn't talk much afterwards. I'm good to keep it going if you want to, but otherwise it's been nice catching up and knowing we can still be friends" He wrote back saying that I wasn't bothering him, but that he felt that it wouldn't be a good idea for us to hook up again. He confessed that he felt really awkward the next day. Then he also included a line that was like: "I think you're really awesome, but I can't be what you want me to be"... which really threw me!! I wrote him back saying I don't want him to really be anything, and that we had a great fling, and that I was never expecting anything more from him (we live in different cities, also). So... did I turn into stage 5 clinger along the way? I really feel like I've embarassed myself, but at the same time I'm really glad to know where he honestly stands with this... It was also my first ONS...
Phantom888 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 You are not being clingy. You just want more clarity. 2
Author SoonMyFriend Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Yeah I thought about this some more this afternoon and realized I was way overthinking this situation and didn't do anything ridiuclous. Thanks Phantom. Admins feel free to delete this thread.
FitChick Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 My take on it is that he wanted to be more than a ONS since he told your friend he really liked you. You didn't tell him you wanted more. The window for opportunity has probably passed and he doesn't live near you so it doesn't really matter now.
pteromom Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I think he was just being upfront saying that he didn't want to pursue anything further. I don't see you being clingy at all.
MalachiX Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Guys can get attached too after a ONS (something I'm discovering about myself recently...) It sounds like you handled it just fine. It also sounds like he was already on guard since you'd been talking and, having decided he didn't want a relationship (for whatever reason), he just wanted to be clear. Perhaps i was a mistake for him to assume what you wanted but there's nothing wrong with clarity and he might have been picking up on things you said which hinted at the idea you were looking for more. He also may have been paranoid. As for why he told your friend he was interested and then didn't follow up, there are a number of possabilities: 1.) He did really like you but, when you guys were no loner in the same place, he realized that this wasn't workable. It's very easy to fall for someone when you are seeing them constantly and very hard to keep that going when you live in different cities. 2.) He may have thought he liked you but, after getting closer, he found that something was missing in the chemistry (which could be a million different things). 3.) He may have been lying to your friend so he could get you into bed (I hope that's not the case and sincerely doubt it). Don't waist any more time analyzing. Trust me, I think WAY too much about every kiss, date, ONS, and relationship. It just brings me head-aches.
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