Rlakin1 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Hello.... I apologise in advance as this is quite long..... So basically a few days ago me and my boyfriend broke up.... It was a mutual decision however it was him who told me it wasn't working in which I agreed. So we had been going out for a year and a half, we lived about an hour away from each other so saw each other normally every weekend. At first it was amazing, I had never felt so special in my life. He was the best guy I had ever met, he was so nice, confident, always trying his best to make me happy, always doing and saying nice things to me and I did all the same for him. It was the most perfect relationship. After a while he started to become more and more comfortable in the relationship, which was to be expected. How ever he stopped making effort for me ( and I don't mean in terms of buying presents etc). He made less effort to speak, stopped saying nice things to me. This hurt me and I wondered why, I blamed myself and we started to argue about small things. I started to become insecure that his feelings were changing.... I believe this pushed him away. We carried on for around 8 more months. I tried so hard for him, constantly made an effort and tried to be the best girlfriend I possibly could, but it just wasn't enough. I was unhappy but I just couldn't bring myself to break up, I thought maybe things would just go back to normal, which they didn't. There were a few times when I needed him and he just wasn't there for me, that really hurt too and made me feel like I wasn't worth a bit of extra care and love when I was going through a tough time. Eventually he decided to end things a couple of days ago. He said he knew he wasn't making me happy anymore and that he felt he had tried but that I deserved more. He said he knows he will regret the decision but at this moment in our lives it wasn't working. He was never a very emotional person, he was more likes robot but I still loved him and loved hanging out. I'm really struggling to come to terms with the fact that he's gone:( I can't help but blame myself for this. It's so weird talking to someone everyday for the last year and a half to nothing at all. All I can think about is the good times we had together. I feel like I'm blocking out all the reasons why I know it wasn't working and only focusing on the good which is making it hurt even more. He's a nice guy who has a fun job in which he is constantly meeting students so I know he will find someone else in no time. My family and friends are being really supportive but there's only so much they can do. I have to make myself feel better but I just don't know how.... I can't concentrate on anything..... I know that he is already getting on with his life and that he has probably already forgotten about me..... Can anyone please help or share ways in which they have gotten over a break up?
rachel88 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I can't tell you how much reading this is EXACTLY like my situation. From the 'not working' relationship part, to him being like a robot and unsupportive/getting too comfortable, to it being a mutual decision to end it but he was the one that said the break-up words...This is exactly my situation!!!! You could write a list of his bad points to look at when you're only remembering the good things. I have a mental list of some things he did that really upset me that I think of. I also trying to think back of my feelings when I wanted to end the relationship, which you said too, that you thought it wasn't working. Always think back to how you felt then, with him not making an effort/the arguments, it really helps. Would you really wanted to have gone on like that? I know its difficult to think it's the right thing now it's over, for me it's the same! Complacency is the absolute worst thing for a relationship. My only hope is they realise what they lost when it's gone!
Author Rlakin1 Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Hey Thank you for your reply. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this too. It is the worst thing I have ever had to deal with I'm trying to remind myself that it wasn't right, that he was wasn't emotionally there at all. As a girl I feel like I needed someone more, some one a bit more affectionate and caring. The worst part for me is that he's already gotten rid of everything to do with us off his Facebook it's already like I never existed. I just wish this ended a while ago instead I have just made myself more miserable in a relationship that was never working. I do hope you're okay, just stay positive and remind yourself that you're worth far more
rachel88 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I wish I could give you some good advice to get over it all but I just don't have any miracle answers. The only things I do are.. 1) have a friend change my FB password so I don't look at his profile 2) plan a super busy calendar, especially at weekends, so I don't go mad sitting over-thinking things, I also know he goes out a lot at weekends so I want to keep busy too 3) remind yourself of the bad things in the relationship Last night was difficult for me but I was just thinking 'all I have to do is get through today' and I just kept repeating that to myself over and over..and each day it should get easier and one day he won't be your first thought in the morning (for me it's been 8 weeks and only one morning I didn't think about him first). Don't think ahead, just get through today. xx
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