Nomad Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 On Friday night I’m supposed to go out for drinks at a local bar with a woman (“D”). D and I have already gone out for drinks once, about a week ago. I’ve known her for about 6 months (she lives in my neighborhood), and she’s never mentioned a boyfriend, so I’m assuming she’s single. D and I have talked many times (though actually hung out only once), and have a good rapport, but she’s never really demonstrated any obvious attraction for me, so I’m not sure how she feels. Neither of us explicitly referred to our first outing as a “date.” Given that this is our second time hanging out, I don’t want to get trapped in the “friend zone” here. Even if she isn’t attracted to me, I want to convey that I’m attracted to her, and interested in a romantic relationship with her. How can I go about “escalating” the situation? How should I broach the topic? I don’t want to come on too strongly and risk scaring her away (worst case scenario is she gets up and leaves the restaurant in alarm!), but I don’t want to come on too timidly, and risk not getting my message across. Any advice on how to proceed would be much appreciated. The more specific the advice, the more helpful it would be to me (including exactly what to say). I don’t have much experience in these situations. Thanks.
salparadise Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 If she's going out for drinks with you for the second time in a week, you should assume that she's interested in you and not only receptive, but expecting you to show some sexual/romantic interest. Get the atmosphere right, talk about her, touch, compliment her (specific, no generalizations), make easy, relaxed eye contact and hold it longer than usual. Make her feel alluring and appreciated. Take the lead. Be sincere and spontaneous - otherwise, it won't come off right. No script. Good luck.
Author Nomad Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 If she's going out for drinks with you for the second time in a week, you should assume that she's interested in you and not only receptive, but expecting you to show some sexual/romantic interest. Get the atmosphere right, talk about her, touch, compliment her (specific, no generalizations), make easy, relaxed eye contact and hold it longer than usual. Make her feel alluring and appreciated. Take the lead. Be sincere and spontaneous - otherwise, it won't come off right. No script. Good luck. Thanks for your response, Salparadise. I have to disagree that her agreeing to go out for drinks again necessarily indicates romantic interest. I had a female friend with whom I went for drinks a few times, and it stayed purely platonic (she, however, was dating someone at the time, so the situations weren't quite the same).
todreaminblue Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I am really different in the sense i find flirting and the like to be really quite ambiguous.....so as the other poster said be a bit direct with compliments, touch is something that conveys more than words will ever convey so be gentle with that touch and let it linger...... i think this line is absolutely gorgeous from salparadise.... Make her feel alluring and appreciated. if you can make a woman feel; that way, guaranteed you will get another date.Be teasing as well, creates atmosphere...i dont mean nasty teasing...i mean gentle cheeky teasing....... I happen to love the word alluring ...lol...not many guys can pull off making a woman feel alluring it is a gift if you can, so do it....and salparadise has the right advice very thoughtful advice..........good luck ...deb
CptSaveAho Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Whatever.... People are total morons.... " I went to a bar with a girl that had a boyfriend on several occasions that had a boyfriend who I had no romantic interest in" The only reason you didnt sleep with her is because you didnt know how, not because she had a boyfriend. Really, its not that hard, buy her shots/beers/etc get her drunk take her home.
Author Nomad Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Thanks for your replies, everyone. But, I wasn't joking when I said I needed to know exactly what to say. I understand that I shouldn't be following a "script", and that there's no "magic bullet" here, but some specific "lines" would be very helpful.
Author Nomad Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Thank you to all those who replied, but D wound up canceling on me. She said one of her dogs was sick, and she couldn't leave him alone in the apartment. If history is any indication, she and I won't be going out again (though I'd love to be pleasantly surprised).
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 That's a shame! Maybe she discovered you were romantically interested after your first outing and wasn't looking for that? Wish her dog well and say get in touch if she's interested in going out again. ..then move on. Don't chase. Much better chance of attracting her if you get on with your awesome life.
Guitarisgood Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Escalation should not be done with words. Words is the womans realm. You are a man. Lead with action. Touch is your best friend. A light touch here, a hand to lead here, a hug, bringing her close when dancing etc. That is how to show you are keen. Don't underestimate the power of physical touch.
carhill Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 D and I have talked many times (though actually hung out only once), and have a good rapport, but she’s never really demonstrated any obvious attraction for me, so I’m not sure how she feels. Since this ship has already sailed, and relevant to advice given by others, get to the dating part far more quickly than 'talked many times'. Get to know the lady *while* dating her. Second tip: You'll never truly know how she feels about you, as you can never read her mind. Focus on how you feel about her. Good luck.
forgetmenot75 Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Advice: Touch her (hair, legs, arms) for a brief second. See how she responds to physical contact. Be flirty. Silly jokes. Create tension. Pull and push (ex: you're so adorable, if we were alone, I'd kiss you) Don't look clingy. Look secure. Look interesting, you have an awesome life. Seduce her, don't scare her. Don't be too dominant, be friendly but flirty. Good luck!
Author Nomad Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 That's a shame! Maybe she discovered you were romantically interested after your first outing and wasn't looking for that? Yes, it is a shame. I was really disappointed, I have to say. I think you're right. I suspect she canceled because she was afraid I was going to try to "escalate" (ironically enough, since I'm here seeking advice about how to do so!), and wasn't interested in me in that way. Wish her dog well and say get in touch if she's interested in going out again. I did wish her dog well, and told her to let me know if there was anything I could do to help. ..then move on. Don't chase. Much better chance of attracting her if you get on with your awesome life. Unfortunately, if she's not interested in me, my "moving on" probably won't stir any attraction. I plan to text or call her next week and ask if she wants to do it again. If her dog is still "sick", then I'll pretty much know that her excuse was BS. If she's down for it, then I'll know she was telling the truth, and not just making up a white lie to break our date.
Author Nomad Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 Since this ship has already sailed, and relevant to advice given by others, get to the dating part far more quickly than 'talked many times'. Get to know the lady *while* dating her. Normally, I'd agree, but I have very little success in asking women out "on the spot", so to speak. Given that D lives in the neighborhood, and I have regular (or at least semi-regular) contact with her, I thought I'd take the "slow and steady route", and build up a rapport between us, and then make a move when the opportunity presented itself. If I had just immediately asked her out, and she said no (which she probably would have done, since that's the answer I hear most of the time), then I would have tipped my hand too early, and spoiled things, leaving me nowhere to go (and, of course, that would have been the elephant in the room each time we spoke from that point on). I thought that strategy may have been working, but it appears now that that's not the case. Second tip: You'll never truly know how she feels about you, as you can never read her mind. Focus on how you feel about her. Yes, knowing what's on women's minds is not my strong suit. Good luck. Thanks.
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