Oldcatskinner Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Hello everybody, Last night I had a dream that I was with the ex over at her and her parents place. I knew that in my dream, it was a dream so I just went with it. Can't really remember the topic of conversation, or what went on, but I do remember that she and I were all smiles. Then I woke up. It was rather strange day for me, as I was trolling youtube and stumbled upon a clip from a radio program that was local to our area. I remembered (in real life) that she asked if I remembered a certain program, but she couldn't remember what the name of it was, and I didn't recall off the top of my head. I was listening to the clip and it hit me "Aha! This is what x was talking about." And I had the strangest urge to email her and tell her what the name of the program was, but that lasted about as long as it took me to type the word "and". It is 4 months NC for me, meaning no nothing, snooping, calls, letters, homing pigeon transmissions, etc. etc. But today I thought about her, more so than the past couple of weeks. And as I am typing, I am tired of thinking about her, as I've relived our shared memories over enough that it has become a worn out record, and any more thinking of her will result in "what ifs" and my projections of how and what she may be thinking and feeling. And in the course of this, I've come to the realization that I am truly at peace with our situation. The feeling that is coming over me now is overwhelmingly surreal. I wish I could convey the sensation I am feeling, alive but calm, strengthened but perceptive, battle-weary but reinvigorated. To test this, and this is the first time I've done this; I am saying her full name, and it carries no more weight or emotion than the words flashlight, oven, car, napkin, sunglasses, or any of my other exes that have faded into memory. This was my first love! The woman I wanted to spend the rest of my days with! And now I am free! Goodnight everybody! 5
tkp Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 i feel surreal reading your post. great! gives me the strength to go on and lets me believe that there is light at the end of tunnel, although it is hard as hell as of now. what's good to see that you are in your 4th month of NC, i am at same time juncture but things are hard still. lotsa memories to let go in the bylanes and start over...
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