Should you date a religious person if you're not?

[PlumPrincess]

My father was an atheist and my mother was Catholic. We were raised Catholic. Dad never went to church. It was never a problem because both of my parents were TOLERANT of differing beliefs.

 

I agree with a previous poster that atheists are just as intolerant as religious fanatics. Funny, huh?

It's not tolerance when your dad just doesn't care about something that was important to your mother. That's why it worked out. Because one of the two people in the relationship didn't care. If your dad had cared about religion as much as your mom and had insisted that they raise their children not as Catholics but as atheists, then maybe religion would have become an issue in your family. And religion was important to your mom, because she actively raised her children to be Catholics. If she cared as little as your dad, then her children would have grown up without any faith, because instilling religion into ones children involves active commitment.

[1ewey]

I think its possible if you can both accept each others beliefs. I dated plenty of christian girls. It seems to me that the most girls are christian, at least the ones that i meet. Personally i think christianity is dumb. But i don't say that to them. And as long as they don't try to get me baptised its all good.

 

Doesn't really matter unless one of you wants to act like a fanatic. And let me also say that the majority of married couples i know, wife is a christian, husband is an nfl fan who never goes to church.... no problems.

[salparadise]

I hope I don't come across as one of those Atheists who ran that Humanist meeting.[/Quote]

 

No, so far you haven't approached that.

 

I wish we lived in a world that wasn't so ego-driven, but I think the ID/ego is exactly what makes humans so fallible, and why I think Buddhists and all Eastern religions who preach "ego-detachment" may want to just detach themselves from that ideology because humans will never truly live without detachment (except for maybe the Dalai Llama).

 

You mean live WITH detachment, right? True. You're stuck with ego but you don't have to be a servant to it. If most people even had the awareness to be familiar with the concept of detachment it would improve things immensely, imho.

 

Like Carhill noted, there's some real preachy religious folk out there who make it impossible to befriend or relate to because all they care about is converting people to their belief system, and that's not cool with me.

 

Yea, yea, I know. I live in the Bible belt. I've had experiences with Jehova's Witnesses, Mormons, Hari Krishni and several varieties of fundamentalists. They're harmless enough. For the purposes of this discussion they're not who we're really talking about. I think we can all agree that they'd not be compatible with atheist/agnostic, or even the more liberal flavors of Christianity. They're a small, albeit vocal minority. But it is interesting to think about how it might work out for people of somewhat differing beliefs who are tolerant and respectful. It is possible to be accepting of a person without also subscribing to their beliefs, if you can keep that ego at bay.

 

Books to consider - "A Theory of Everything" by Ken Wilbur; "The Evolution of God" by Robert Wright; "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins; "Quarks, Chaos & Christianity" by Dr. John Polkinghorne

[writergal]

No, so far you haven't approached that.

 

 

 

Yea, yea, I know. I live in the Bible belt. I've had experiences with Jehova's Witnesses, Mormons, Hari Krishni and several varieties of fundamentalists. They're harmless enough. For the purposes of this discussion they're not who we're really talking about. I think we can all agree that they'd not be compatible with atheist/agnostic, or even the more liberal flavors of Christianity. They're a small, albeit vocal minority. But it is interesting to think about how it might work out for people of somewhat differing beliefs who are tolerant and respectful. It is possible to be accepting of a person without also subscribing to their beliefs, if you can keep that ego at bay.

 

Books to consider - "A Theory of Everything" by Ken Wilbur; "The Evolution of God" by Robert Wright; "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins; "Quarks, Chaos & Christianity" by Dr. John Polkinghorne

 

I actually met and talked to Dr John Polkinghorne when he did a lecture at Oxford in England back in 1997. It was January. I was abroad for the month with a group of students on a literary tour of England.

 

That aside, I just know deep down that I can't be romantically involved with a man who practices a religion. I've tried it in the past and it has never worked. Before I gave up my Catholic faith I was really active at my church but still felt empty which disappeared once I gave up my faith and became an Atheist.

 

I realize some will label me as an "intolerant Atheist" for not being able to set aside my "ego" per se, to date a man who is Catholic or Jewish or whatever religion, and I'm okay with that because I don't think of myself as intolerant. I'm better off with a fellow Atheist or Agnostic as a romantic partner. They are just hard to find.

[veggirl]

I'd never date a religious person. I've never been in the position of that, either tbh. I guess I've run in circles that don't attract the religious? Not sure. But, I don't see anything wrong with wanting to date a Christian or Jew or atheist or whatever..... I mean I think most religious people prefer to date within their religion and whatnot, it just makes sense longterm.

 

Couple reasons I wouldn't date a religious person. a- I truly don't respect the belief. b- I would NEVER be okay with my partner raising our potential children under his religion and from what I've seen, religious partners are OKAY with a non religious partner as long as the kids are still raised in the church.

 

All that being said, it's like how I'm a vegetarian and I WILL raise my children as such (they are free to make their own choice on the matter as they grow, just as if they decide they wanna become Christian they can, but I won't raise them as such)...so if some guy is like a hunter/fisher/whatever and adament that his kids will eat meat then I'm not the chick for him. Religious men aren't the dudes for me. No harm no foul.

[TheBladeRunner]

Being an Atheist who appreciates Buddhism, I find that I just can't date a guy who is religious and attends church. I don't think it's possible to date a religious person if you are non-religious for obvious reasons.

 

An atheist who appreciates Budism? Interesting, I like that. Agreed writer gal, dating someone that not only does not believe or share what you think is tough. I was married to a woman that has very little if any spiritual beliefs and although she has a right to think whatever she wants, it did create a chasm in our relationship as I hold my spiritual beliefs close. Just my opinion.

[4MyOwnGood]

Hmm... I've also been know to describe myself as an Atheist who appreciates Buddhism, too.

 

And actually, I find myself drawn to people who are way different than me. It's a bit like examining a bug under a microscope: want to know what makes them tick--get past the religious platitudes, see if there is anything going on below the surface.

 

I've met as many atheists who are shallow and like to bludgeon people with their beliefs as I have Christians. On an intellectual level, it *is* difficult to accept that anyone who believes in a heaven/hell really could be worth getting to know, but emotionally/socially, I find myself truly liking lots of people in spite of this irrationality.

 

But I also know that feeling of being surrounded by people who are so different than you your whole life, and just longing for someone you share this one important thing in common with... I never felt like I could "out" myself as a non-believer until I met another person who was very vocal and comfortable with it, and not a jerk about it.

[thatone]

Being an Atheist who appreciates Buddhism, I find that I just can't date a guy who is religious and attends church. I don't think it's possible to date a religious person if you are non-religious for obvious reasons.

 

I agree. I have tried, but it doesn't work. As soon as a religious person makes an irrational decision that affects you, you can't help but think less of them for it. Your respect for that person is gone and every time that irrational decision comes up the respect loses more ground.

 

I'm gonna go on a rant here and I hope I don't come off as insulting (I'm really just frustrated).

 

I HATE THIS ATTITUDE!!!

 

Seriously, why is that so many people who would otherwise consider themselves tolerant or liberal feel totally fine with discriminating people of faith?

 

It feels like some Atheists are as intolerant as religious fundamentalists. What drives me nuts is that YOU GUYS SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN THAT!!!

 

Not everyone who is religious is going to try to convert you. Not everyone who is religious is intolerant. Faith can be something very personal and it amazes me that some people are cool with judging others purely on what they believe (rather than their actions).

 

Atheism does not denote tolerance, quite the opposite actually. It is an overt rejection of the alternative.

 

How can you tolerantly reject something entirely?

[nittygritty]

I'm not trying to offend you but how religious could a person be if they are willing to date an atheist? It would likely be a deal breaker for both.

[thatone]

Hormones > Jesus

[KathyM]

With all due respect, you started the debate thread which challenged theist beliefs. You claimed it was proof that there was no God. I respectfully pointed out that the author of the article you linked was just giving his opinion, and the article did not provide any proof. Similarly, the link you posted with the former priest on youtube also provided his opinion. Again, it did not provide proof of anything. I then countered that there are plenty of mathematicians and scientists who believe there is proof or probability of God's existence. Why did you post a debate topic if you only wanted a one-sided opinion for only those who agreed with you? I would hardly call responding to a debate topic regarding religion as shoving religion down your throat. I was responding to the topic you posted. If you didn't want a different perspective, and only wanted to hear from fellow atheists, perhaps you should have mentioned that in the OP. You said you wanted a two way discussion, but then you admonished the posters who challenged your claim of proof.

 

As far as dating religious people, most people prefer to date those who share their faith. And since you have no respect for the beliefs of theists, you would likely not have a compatible relationship with theists. I am kind of curious how someone can be both atheist and Buddist, though.

[RiceaRoni]

See that's the problem: I can't respect someone who believes in God or has a spiritual faith because every religious person I've ever known seems to have the ulterior motive of "conversion" for everyone they meet. Take this guy I went out with on one date recently. One date. We met through a mutual friend. We met for coffee and religion came up (he brought it up, not me). As soon as the words "I'm an Atheist and don't believe in God" left my mouth, it was like his mission of conversion went into overdrive and for the next 20 minutes he grilled me on why I was going to hell for not believing in God. After coffee was over, I texted the mutual friend and basically yelled at him for setting me up with a religious guy when he knows I'm an Atheist.

 

It's bad enough that my family are all believers. I don't want to date a religious guy because if I did, I'd be sacrificing my own beliefs just to please him or vice versa. I just don't think it's fair to ask someone who doesnt share your beliefs, to respect your beliefs because deep down, it's likely that they will resent you and that will just ruin the relationship in the long run.

 

 

You make a good point.

 

I for one am religious, but I don't trying to convert or change someone's beliefs based on by own. I understand and respect people have different views and that's okay.

 

There are religious people that can respect the views of others without trying to convert or change you, but it's probably easier on yourself to find someone with the same beliefs

Edited September 19, 2013 by RiceaRoni

[ChessPieceFace]

See that's the problem: I can't respect someone who believes in God or has a spiritual faith because every religious person I've ever known seems to have the ulterior motive of "conversion" for everyone they meet. Take this guy I went out with on one date recently. One date. We met through a mutual friend. We met for coffee and religion came up (he brought it up, not me). As soon as the words "I'm an Atheist and don't believe in God" left my mouth, it was like his mission of conversion went into overdrive and for the next 20 minutes he grilled me on why I was going to hell for not believing in God. After coffee was over, I texted the mutual friend and basically yelled at him for setting me up with a religious guy when he knows I'm an Atheist.

 

It's bad enough that my family are all believers. I don't want to date a religious guy because if I did, I'd be sacrificing my own beliefs just to please him or vice versa. I just don't think it's fair to ask someone who doesnt share your beliefs, to respect your beliefs because deep down, it's likely that they will resent you and that will just ruin the relationship in the long run.

 

You fail to see that the problem begins with you. You don't respect anyone with beliefs other than your own, and you are actively hostile towards Christians, to the point that you ARE what you say you hate - someone with a belief trying to push it on / require it of others. Your mind is already made up and you stated it in the OP. What the heck do you want? Approval?

 

To answer your question as it applies to YOU ALONE - NO. Don't date anyone other than an atheist because CLEARLY YOU will only tolerate being with another atheist. Does that apply to everyone, everywhere? No.

 

I agree. I have tried, but it doesn't work. As soon as a religious person makes an irrational decision that affects you, you can't help but think less of them for it. Your respect for that person is gone and every time that irrational decision comes up the respect loses more ground.

 

Atheism does not denote tolerance, quite the opposite actually. It is an overt rejection of the alternative.

 

How can you tolerantly reject something entirely?

 

I "liked" your comment but probably not for the reason you wanted. You're right that atheism is intolerant. You seem to think that's perfectly fine though. It's not.

 

As for "rationality", the few hardcore atheists I know IRL make very irrational decisions in their personal lives. Sorry, but belief and rationality aren't tied together like that. Atheism is a religion. It has all the hallmarks of a religion and its followers are just as closed-minded as any other religion. It deserves no special place - quite the opposite. I judge a belief based on its actions, not its words. The actions and behaviors of hardcore/outspoken atheists are apparent to any rational person and I need not list them here.

Edited September 19, 2013 by ChessPieceFace

[irc333]

Of course not, why would a Christian date an atheist?

 

Most people wouldn't date a bonafide athiest, because to them, the word is almost poison. LOL (no offense).

 

Now, I have known Christians to date the luke warm types that have no issue going to church occasionally or haven't set foot in church in a while, that's why I get thrown off by the "married' woman going solo to church, when I see a wedding band on her finger, it confuses me LOL

 

But her husband is probably out fishing or golfing that Sunday Morn. lol

 

 

Being an Atheist who appreciates Buddhism, I find that I just can't date a guy who is religious and attends church. I don't think it's possible to date a religious person if you are non-religious for obvious reasons.

Edited September 19, 2013 by irc333

[irc333]

When I meet a religious person who doesn't try to convert me I'll let you know.

 

I probably wouldn't convert you, only because I wouldn't have dated you knowing you were an athieset.

[irc333]

So yeah if I'm dating a person who deeply believes in all that nonsense

 

With THIS stated, it's people like yourself that go out of their way to be disrespectful and insulting to others beliefs. You obviously have no respect with what others believe.

[salparadise]

I hope I don't come across as one of those Atheists who ran that Humanist meeting. I don't want to force anyone to believe what I do; I just want to find people who share my beliefs, or who is agnostic and doesn't conform to a religious dogma at all and doesn't condemn me for my beliefs.

 

I just read your previous thread that KathyM referred to. I agree with her, that you did cross the line in that one. There is a big difference between not sharing someone's beliefs vs. not respecting someone because you don't share their beliefs.

 

Your assertion that those links contain proof of anything is naive, as is the notion that either perspective can ever be proven or disproven. News flash: you're not the first to ever challenge theist beliefs––the revelations you're having aren't quite original ideas.

 

I am kind of curious how someone can be both atheist and Buddist, though.

 

Because Buddhism is not based on belief in a deity, it can be viewed as a philosophy. It is not incompatible with atheism or most varieties of theism, including Christianity.

[Sugarless]

Short answer: No.

 

Well unfortunately values and morals are often tied to a religious faith.

^ Because of this

[xxoo]

See that's the problem: I can't respect someone who believes in God or has a spiritual faith because every religious person I've ever known seems to have the ulterior motive of "conversion" for everyone they meet.

 

Either you run in circles of fairly extreme religious folks (Bible Belt maybe?), or you are employing confirmation bias and only recall examples that support your belief about people who believe in God or have spiritual faith.

 

I'm an atheist. In my 20 years of adult life, I've met people of faith who are pushy, people who believe in God but consider it extremely personal (only speak of it if you ask), and people who are spiritual without following any organized religion, among others. Some of those people would be compatible with an atheist, and some would not.

[xxoo]

Of course not, why would a Christian date an atheist?

 

Most people wouldn't date a bonafide athiest, because to them, the word is almost poison. LOL (no offense).

 

Now, I have known Christians to date the luke warm types that have no issue going to church occasionally or haven't set foot in church in a while, that's why I get thrown off by the "married' woman going solo to church, when I see a wedding band on her finger, it confuses me LOL

 

But her husband is probably out fishing or golfing that Sunday Morn. lol

 

What confuses you?

 

My mother took us to church on her own every week. My dad (not Christian) worked 6 days a week and enjoyed a quiet morning at home on Sunday.

 

She didn't see it as her place to force him to go to church, and he didn't see it as his place to stop her from taking us.

[salparadise]

I realize some will label me as an "intolerant Atheist" for not being able to set aside my "ego" per se, to date a man who is Catholic or Jewish or whatever religion, and I'm okay with that because I don't think of myself as intolerant. I'm better off with a fellow Atheist or Agnostic as a romantic partner. They are just hard to find.

 

People will label you as an "intolerant atheist" when you don't respect and value those with different beliefs, when you claim to have proof that you're right and they're wrong, or when you ridicule other beliefs in general. I'm finding it amazing how little ability people have to differentiate the notions of respect and agree.

 

The choices one makes with regard to choosing a partner need not be intrinsically linked to one's tolerance, acceptance and appreciation for those who are different in whatever way. Inability to appreciate and empathize with those who are different is the most narrow, least evolved, and problematic ideation that plagues humanity. But you can choose a partner by whatever criteria works for you. How hard is that to grasp?

[MalachiX]

Seriously, every religious person I've ever known freaks out when I say I don't believe in God which is why I made the blanket statement that religious people don't like disbelievers. When I meet a religious person who doesn't try to convert me I'll let you know.

 

I can give you the number of my friend Kathy who is a Christian and has never tried to convert anyone I know nor has she passed judgement on anyone's lack of faith (she's actually married to pretty hard-core athiest who is less tolerant of her beliefs than she is of his). I can give you the number of my friend Aziz who is Muslim and considers all people as seekers of the truth who approach their spiritual lives in different ways. I can give you the number of my friend Rebecca, who is Jewish, who isn't sure exactly what she believes but loves the rituals and sense of community of her heritage and doesn't want to lose that.

 

When you make derogatory statements to people of faith you insult my friends and insult people of faith on these boards. Maybe you've had bad experiences but that doesn't give you the right the cast dispersions on EVERY person for faith which is exactly what you're doing in your posts.

 

 

I'm happy for you gaius but I can't date someone who attributes everything that happens to an invisible man in the sky. I just can't do it. Maybe I'm uptight, but at least I'm being true to myself.

 

Is "uptight" a new word for "intollerant?" So it's not just feeling that religious people don't respect your beliefs. The truth of the matter is that you can't respect there's. You don't have to share anyone's faith but I'm amazed that you complain so much about being judged by people of faith yet have no problem in judging them.

 

 

I wouldn't call myself intolerant per se,

 

Of course you wouldn't. Most people who harbor a predjudice don't want to accept that they are intolerant. If you're willing to accept the fact that you're a human being and perhaps capable of certain things, it's a lot easier to stop yourself from falling into descriminatory traps. I lived much of my life in the deep South and a friend told me this, "People who insist that they don't have a racist bone in their body are often racist. People who worry that they might be racist usually aren't."

 

just frustrated and unwilling to compromise my views to be accepted by a group of people who don't accept me. I posted in another thread about feeling tired of religious people judging me and tried to start a two-way conversation which failed miserably. Religious people simply can't accept Atheists' viewpoints as valid; religious people are very one-sided and unwilling to accept others' viewpoints as reasonable too.

 

You're the one who's not accepting them. You're the one who feels she has the right to judge all people of faith on the actions of the one you've met which is exactly how racists justify their attitudes. Read what you wrote and replace the word "religious" with "Chinese" or "Canadian." Doesn't sound so great does it?

 

And yes religious people do try to convert you if they know you don't believe in their God. That's been my experience more than once

 

Yet on this thread, religious individuals have NOT done this to you and have been far more tolerant of you than you have been of them. The fact that this doesn't get you to rethink your statements says a lot about your predisposition.

 

I'm not right wing. I'm very liberal

 

No, you're liberal/tolerant when it's convenient for you. That's a big difference. You're like some of my relatives who cry over how they have been discriminated against based on their skin color yet don't have any problem with discriminating against gays. They should know better. So should you. You've been given the option to learn your mistakes and grow as a person but you're choosing not to. That's on you and not people of faith.

[MalachiX]

Before I give up on trying to enlighten anyone, I'll tell one story which I use as a delieberately extreme example of what I'm talking about:

 

Four years ago, I was in Atlanta GA havn't a set of business meetings in the hope of getting a feature film produced. During that time, I met and spent some time with a very successful music video director who had worked with many of the top African American recorder artists of all town (pretty much anyone you can think of).

 

One day, we were talking about one famous artist (whose name I won't mention), and he started to complain that it's always a pain trying to get paid by this guy. He then said, "I tell ya, that's always the case with black folks. I'm not racist, but black people always try to stiff you. It happens whenever I work with them and I have to write their contracts differently than the white performers."

 

Now, from this guy's point of you, what he said wasn't intolerant at all. I don't know if he'd really been "stiffed" by every black artist he'd worked with. I don't really care. He clearly can't have worked with every black person on the face of the Earth and, until he does, I don't believe he has the right to attack all blacks for the actions of some.

[CarrieT]

I am a fairly devout occultist - meaning, I have studied all sorts of esoteric philosophies and have disbanded all sorts of Christian thought - for almost 40 years.

 

I started dating a Jew who converted to Lutheransim and, surprisingly, hit it off and are engaged.

 

I occasionally go to church with him out of respect, and he will attend a ritual with me. We have no compunction towards trying to convert one another. The reason it works is that our core philosophies on Life, the Universe, and Everything align well - how we treat the fellow man, despite our religious differences are roughly the same...

 

We are planning a wedding ceremony that will incorporate his Jewish heritage, his Christian beliefs, and my occult philosophies. I have also asked him to use the term Par'Mach'kai in the ceremony (for you Trekkies who understand that!)

 

Diversity can work, with communication!

[irc333]

What confuses you?

 

My mother took us to church on her own every week. My dad (not Christian) worked 6 days a week and enjoyed a quiet morning at home on Sunday.

 

She didn't see it as her place to force him to go to church, and he didn't see it as his place to stop her from taking us.

 

 

Right, but he wasn't an atheist, right?