wishiwereinarles Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) Apologies in advance. I'm trying to paint a clear picture of the situation, but writing is not my strong suit! lol So there's this guy in my NA meeting. We've known each other for a while, but it's only been in the last month or so that he's started talking to me more, asking me how I'm doing, giving nice feedback, usually after my meeting, which is very small. I've caught him looking at me at least twice- both times he looked away, clearly embarrassed. He told me he had heard good things about this one meeting so I went. I loved it so I made sure to thank him when I saw him. He told me he wanted to go to that meeting, said he would go next week. I didn't say anything. There was then an awkward pause in the conversation, followed by a quick ok bye. A few days later I told him I could give him a ride to that meeting if he was still interested as I was going to be able to go. He was very grateful (bad traffic at that time of day) so we exchanged numbers. He got sick the next day and canceled. I told him 'maybe next week' and he said sounds good! I saw him again several days later and said 'hey let me know if you need a ride to that meeting tomorrow' and he said he wasn't going to be able to go, that he was going to start attending this other meeting that meets at the same time. The kicker is that this other meeting is literally one block away. I'm trying not to personalize it. Maybe I did read too much into our conversations, I don't know. I have a lot of male friends and we talk about some pretty personal stuff and it never feels this way at all so....any input would be greatly appreciated:) Edited September 17, 2013 by wishiwereinarles yo!
todreaminblue Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) normally when there is an awkwardness(and i know awkward)....its because there is something remaining unsaid by both parties if the awkwardness extends to both......i have spoken and do talk to a fair few people who hold a lot of themselves in and the ones who need to say something, but dont know how....theres an awkwardness there, its palpable you can feel it as a tension...an expectation of more to the conversation...........this is where i normally try to relieve it.....and they open up to me...... but if i have awkwardness as well and i am not saying something....it immediately becomes a mess.......because i am not able to control how i feel and work on relaxing them because i have to relax myself, they dont relax...so its situation nowhere...... try and get him to open up......considering though you are at NA it might not be the time to start anything other than healing yourself and maybe the reason why he isnt saying anything that he wants to say is because he is serious about getting better and needs to concentrate on that i was asked to be a support person for a male friend in my past at NA meetings...they are so draining on the people getting up there its pretty raw stuff......i wish you well and much success with your meetings and your future....hugs.....deb Edited September 17, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author wishiwereinarles Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I feel bad about the awkwardness. I felt I should have said, 'I can give you a lift!' or something cheery but instead said nothing. I can see how (to some, at least) my offering a lift a few days later may have looked like I was not really wanting to get to know him? In any case, both of us have over a year clean, but I know he's supercommitted to sobriety and all that so. I am too but he's pretty enthusiastic lol...thanks again for the advice.
mtber75 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 He may be politely turning you down. You offered him a "ride" multiple times and he declined so his interest level is low. He may just want to solely focus on his rehab at this point hence going to the other meeting. If I were ever at a meeting like that, finding a potential partner is the least of my concerns?
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