Simon Phoenix Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 To be fair she's slap bang in the middle of a birthday part. I'm gonna wait and see what she says in her reply. Another reason why this was a foolish idea -- now you are doing whatever you can to give yourself irrational hope.
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 If you dont want her back, as you said, wth are you doing waiting for her reply? get honest.
happydate Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Sir, What you have here is a total "LOON", someone who likes to play and toy with men while sticking the other "FOOT" on her ex. She never got past her ex and the way to either punish her ex for leaving her or whatever is to sleep with as many men as she can to teach him a lesson that she is still a catch and it is a mistake for her ex to leave her in the first place. Their M.O is the same. Their relationship time schedule is accerelated. Even having sex is accelerated and everything seemed rush. You will be MORE depressed, have more anxiety with some back or neck pain and have your self-esteem shot while she walks over you. In the meantime, the reward for you staying with her is sex and affection. Sometimes the affection is overdone -- very unnatural as though she is trying too darn hard to keep you. And then she might want to ask you to do the test no because she thinks you are unclean, but thinks because she is guilty in getting you involved in her scheme of things with her ex that she probably had unprotected sex with Colin and then you at the same time without making sure if she is every clean. Whatever it is, she is not an amateur. But the problem with this scenario is that she is faking it. She never loved you from the get go and it becomes extremely hard for her to keep acting out like she loves you when you failed her expectation to exceed Colin. What is she looking for is a man who is exactly like Colin but better. This is an impossibility. She is a woman who is looking for a man to complete, but you too are equally looking for a woman to complete you. 6 weeks healed? You are not healed at all thinking of her, giving her gifts and wanting to be her friend cause you are STILL LOOKING for a woman to complete you. This is your problem. Fix this problem and you will meet better women. If you do not, expect to keep meeting these kinds of women whether you like it or not. And yes, I have been through your exact same experience, same STI test B.S and same ex boyfriend B.S story and then being dumped with no reasons whatsoever. It is all the same. Geez, I wonder if they all came from the same bloody school of deception and manipulation. 1
happydate Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 If you dont want her back, as you said, wth are you doing waiting for her reply? get honest. His self-esteem is shot by being with her cause that is what she did to her men -- drive their self-esteem lower than she does so she can string them along like Pinochio. Her ex is a prime example. If a man has high self-esteem, he would not be depressed and have anxiety attack in any romantic relationship. In fact, every facet of his life will be increased -- more confidence, self-esteem and less depressed. His problem is NOT with him only. He probably had some of these attributes going into the relationship, but gets magnified by her attitude. So now she is controlling him basically because he is broken. Which is why strict NC, counselling or even perhaps using all healing modalities of the mind can help fix this guy. Otherwise, he will end up like her other guys and her ex -- being toyed by this manipulating woman. 1
Author HereWeGoAgain1 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Sir, What you have here is a total "LOON", someone who likes to play and toy with men while sticking the other "FOOT" on her ex. She never got past her ex and the way to either punish her ex for leaving her or whatever is to sleep with as many men as she can to teach him a lesson that she is still a catch and it is a mistake for her ex to leave her in the first place. Their M.O is the same. Their relationship time schedule is accerelated. Even having sex is accelerated and everything seemed rush. You will be MORE depressed, have more anxiety with some back or neck pain and have your self-esteem shot while she walks over you. In the meantime, the reward for you staying with her is sex and affection. Sometimes the affection is overdone -- very unnatural as though she is trying too darn hard to keep you. And then she might want to ask you to do the test no because she thinks you are unclean, but thinks because she is guilty in getting you involved in her scheme of things with her ex that she probably had unprotected sex with Colin and then you at the same time without making sure if she is every clean. Whatever it is, she is not an amateur. But the problem with this scenario is that she is faking it. She never loved you from the get go and it becomes extremely hard for her to keep acting out like she loves you when you failed her expectation to exceed Colin. What is she looking for is a man who is exactly like Colin but better. This is an impossibility. She is a woman who is looking for a man to complete, but you too are equally looking for a woman to complete you. 6 weeks healed? You are not healed at all thinking of her, giving her gifts and wanting to be her friend cause you are STILL LOOKING for a woman to complete you. This is your problem. Fix this problem and you will meet better women. If you do not, expect to keep meeting these kinds of women whether you like it or not. And yes, I have been through your exact same experience, same STI test B.S and same ex boyfriend B.S story and then being dumped with no reasons whatsoever. It is all the same. Geez, I wonder if they all came from the same bloody school of deception and manipulation. I have absolutely no idea what you're going on about here. I realise you're just going on what info I've given but you're making this out like there was some sordid affair going on behind my back...trust me, no matter how naive I may sound at times that was not happening. She loathed this guy for what he did and it was my over reacting mind that assumed that they'd gotten back together and she's told me that she hasn't and I believe her. She's not some mad crazy bitch and to be fair she's a fairly sensible level headed person in some respects. I'm not sticking up for her but there's not quite as much to it as you seem to have made out. Anyway as for me waiting for her reply. I'm not waiting for it but I will read it to see what it says. I'll react to it when I do, but even if she comes begging for me back, I won't be running to her that's for sure.
happydate Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) I have absolutely no idea what you're going on about here. I realise you're just going on what info I've given but you're making this out like there was some sordid affair going on behind my back...trust me, no matter how naive I may sound at times that was not happening. She loathed this guy for what he did and it was my over reacting mind that assumed that they'd gotten back together and she's told me that she hasn't and I believe her. She's not some mad crazy bitch and to be fair she's a fairly sensible level headed person in some respects. I'm not sticking up for her but there's not quite as much to it as you seem to have made out. Anyway as for me waiting for her reply. I'm not waiting for it but I will read it to see what it says. I'll react to it when I do, but even if she comes begging for me back, I won't be running to her that's for sure. I know what you're going through. Think clearly.. If she completely hates this ex and got over him, she WOULD NEVER mentioned him at all. You would never know who Colin is period. And why would she? It's a major turn-off! If a woman EVER mentioned her ex or her exes more than a couple of times during dating, you can be rest assured that she was never completely out of them and she's either a player or a loon or she is getting BORED OF YOU! And you sir is clearly delusion. She will come begging for you later on?!? LOL Who sent the gift to her? Who sent the card to her? Now be honest.. Who's begging who to come back? Girls like that are attention whores who loathe to get all the attention from her ex-guys either by text, cards, gifts etc while she bangs a new guy. And how do you know she's not seeing a new guy? A girl like her needs a man to complete her and she wouldn't, for a sec, leave what she has and be completely unattached?!? Unless she has a new man! The only time who would actually come begging you back is this.. 1, You did complete NC and never contacted her at all and you went complete MIA. She wondered WHY all the other looser did text, send gifts and whatnot and you did not. She becomes curious and may text you or check you out again. 2, You gave her the best suck, best sex and long lasting horny sex better than all the men she slept with and that she missed after she dumped you. 3, She dumped you and that the next guy or guys dumped her. She needed a quick trusted companion and so, she had no choice but to go back to you cause of #1 until she gets a new man. Only a woman who is totally insecure and just needs a man to be with her will come back to a man who is her best. And so far, it is her ex and you are not willing to accept this fact. Everything that she did for you was just for an act. There was never any romance. Words are cheap. Actions speak louder than words, so all the words she said before was just there to stroke your over-inflating EGO and that you are still acting out your EGO. It's okay buddy, cause I've been there before with girls like your ex and I absolutely know how you feel. In complete denial and hoping she will come back, but even if she does, what kind of a loving foundation is there to keep you guys together? Nothing, cause you told us that you guys never fight. Therefore, leaving you means that you had never built any loving foundation to hold you two together! In order to get back together, there MUST BE a LOVING FOUNDATION to exist before second chances will have any effect. Otherwise, when you get back with her, it's sex and then poooh you're back at it again, single and depressed and more heart broken. And what can you bring to her on the table if you guys get back together other than sex and your emotional issues? If you can't say it in less than a few words, you have nothing to offer to her. Edited September 21, 2013 by happydate 2
Author HereWeGoAgain1 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 I see what you're saying about the whole ex thing. We both talked about ex's frequently as we'd both been in damaged relationships before hand. We promised to never do anything bad to each other even if it went wrong. That's why I knew who he was, just like she knew who my ex was. On the day we broke up, I think she was trying to not make herself look bad so was pulling out all of the stops to see if she could make me walk out on her. She hasn't gone back to him but then I can't rule out the possibility that she's seeing someone else. I don't regret sending the letter or the gift. There were some things I just had to let her know about me. One day I would like to be friends with this girl again, maybe in a year or so when this is all water under the bridge. I had to do something to protect that. Sounds crazy beyond words but we're all different in our way of thinking and methods. I did make one huge huge mistake though and that was I reached out and asked her if she'd like to meet to talk about us or just catch up. I shouldn't have done it but that nice-ish message I got from her triggered me to be over emotional. The stupid thing is, I did it via email and I tried to remain slightly aloof and non-confrontational. I got a text from her last night saying that my email confused her and insulted her so she didn't know what to say. I replied saying that it was a straight forward email and I didn't appreciate the whole pretending to be confused with me instead of being upfront and honest. She immediately came back on the offensive and said that she really was confused by it. I read it again and realised I had come across as a bit of a dick. So late last night I sent another email putting it all straight and asking her again, but made it clear that if she didn't want to meet then I'd happily leave her alone and she wouldn't hear from me again unless she wanted to. I haven't heard a reply but I'm not going to chase for one either. As far as I'm concerned it's back to NC and I have a new job starting next week and I'm moving somewhere new so it's done. You were all right. I was trying to fool myself into thinking I was fine but I'm not, and I let emotions get in the way and I slipped up. I still defend her position a bit though. Despite what happened this is a girl who doesn't need a man to complete her. I was the first person she'd seen since that guy screwed her around and she's strong and independent and doesn't string anyone a long. She knows what she wants and I wasn't it. Maybe she is seeing someone now and if she is, I know, because I know her, that it isn't GIGS or rebound. She knows what she's doing. What is clear though is I need a girl to complete me, and I need to work on that. I just find myself in a really difficult position. I loved this girl to bits, but then I can't work out in my head wether I want her back because I need her, or because I genuinely love her. I seem to go from thinking differently about it from one day to the next. The reality is though, she doesn't want me, if she did she'd be knocking on my door or ringing my phone off the hook. I said at the beginning of this thread that I needed closure and the whole letter thing was part of that. It was a rough weekend but I think ultimately I have it now. Time to move on. Apologies to all of you who I second guessed and argued against. I just had to have one last try.
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