C00kie Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 We'll be going on a 2 week vacation together. Honestly, at this point I just want not to fight. I want peace. I've worked my *** off and I really need some rest. Then we'll see what happens. Yes, I am postponing what I probably should have done some time ago, which is ending things (not because my gut feeling tells me to, but because I know it's not right in so many ways AND I need peace - i don't want to forget that feeling). And here I am, half happy (because I love him and enjoy his company), half sad (because I can't take this for much longer, because he'll say he's going outside for a smoke and I know he'll be calling her - might as well just say it, I know she exists - because, because, because...so many little things. All OW know what I'm talking about). Well...I'll let you know how it went when I get back.
bentleychic Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I'm envious, I admit. LOL Not sure I could do it if I planned on breaking up with him soon after, though. I fear the vacation would just make me fall harder. 1
MissBee Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) We'll be going on a 2 week vacation together. Honestly, at this point I just want not to fight. I want peace. I've worked my *** off and I really need some rest. Then we'll see what happens. Yes, I am postponing what I probably should have done some time ago, which is ending things (not because my gut feeling tells me to, but because I know it's not right in so many ways AND I need peace - i don't want to forget that feeling). And here I am, half happy (because I love him and enjoy his company), half sad (because I can't take this for much longer, because he'll say he's going outside for a smoke and I know he'll be calling her - might as well just say it, I know she exists - because, because, because...so many little things. All OW know what I'm talking about). Well...I'll let you know how it went when I get back. Curious, how is he managing this, that is, being away for 2 weeks? I'm envious, I admit. LOL Not sure I could do it if I planned on breaking up with him soon after, though. I fear the vacation would just make me fall harder. I felt similarly in my A. It was like things which brought us ostensibly closer on one hand, brought me more heartache in the end, as I felt the closer feeling was an illusion, it made me want to be with him more and full time. It was always a case when we spent some extended time together and things felt normal that I became less content and more frustrated at going back to limitations. The more in love I got, the more time I got, it didn't appease me and make me satisfied but actually decreased my tolerance for continuing as it was, as it made the times of limitations seem more apparent and just ridiculous. Edited September 17, 2013 by MissBee 3
bentleychic Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I felt similarly in my A. It was like things which brought us ostensibly closer on one hand, brought me more heartache in the end, as I felt the closer feeling was an illusion, it made me want to be with him more and full time. It was always a case when we spent some extended time together and things felt normal that I became less content and more frustrated at going back to limitations. The more in love I got, the more time I got, it didn't appease me and make me satisfied but actually decreased my tolerance for continuing as it was, as it made the times of limitations seem more apparent and just ridiculous. I understand that very well. MM has actually commented on that before that the more time I get with him, the more that I seem to want. I'm like "Well DUH, I fall in love with you more the more time we spend together." But yes, started to feel more intolerance for the breadcrumbs lately, too. I'm also a curious one on how a 2 week vaca is possible.
awkward Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I hope you have a fabulous vacation. Enjoy yourself. And yes he is going to call his wife. Just accept it. 1
Goodbye Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I am fascinated by how you can pull off a two week vacation. That is a long time together, I hope you are ok emotionally at the end when he goes back to his wife. 2
Red Wolverine Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 We'll be going on a 2 week vacation together. Honestly, at this point I just want not to fight. I want peace. I've worked my *** off and I really need some rest. Then we'll see what happens. Yes, I am postponing what I probably should have done some time ago, which is ending things (not because my gut feeling tells me to, but because I know it's not right in so many ways AND I need peace - i don't want to forget that feeling). And here I am, half happy (because I love him and enjoy his company), half sad (because I can't take this for much longer, because he'll say he's going outside for a smoke and I know he'll be calling her - might as well just say it, I know she exists - because, because, because...so many little things. All OW know what I'm talking about). Well...I'll let you know how it went when I get back. I'm not a fortune teller but this is how it will go... You'll have tons of emotionally charged sex, long talks filled with proclamations of "someday and I wish," and a horrendous goodbye. Rinse and repeat. 1
Author C00kie Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Where does his W think he will be? Does she know about you? Just trying to remember the specifics of your situation. I've given up on trying to understand their dynamics. He often leaves for some time, up to a month. Tells her he needs some time off I guess. And sometimes when he's with me DAYS go by and he won't call her at all, or send e-mails. Not normal at all, no matter the excuse he gives her.
Author C00kie Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 I'm envious, I admit. LOL Not sure I could do it if I planned on breaking up with him soon after, though. I fear the vacation would just make me fall harder. Agree. I won't be back to square 1 but I'll definely go back a few steps. I take responsability for it...I'll try to keep my cool 1
Author C00kie Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 I'm not a fortune teller but this is how it will go... You'll have tons of emotionally charged sex, long talks filled with proclamations of "someday and I wish," and a horrendous goodbye. Rinse and repeat. Right about the sex, the proclamations have been put aside for a while now, and probably not right about the horrendous goodbye. It has never been horrendous before, but I'll let you know when I come back. Thanks everyone for your input 1
thefooloftheyear Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 (edited) With my luck, I can steal away to Bora Bora and find my next door neighbor vacationing in the same hotel that week... From a guy's standpoint, the most simplistic way I can put this is it would be like stealing a turbo Porsche and cruising around in it for a while...It might be fun, but I'd be a nervous wreck, looking over my shoulder, and never get any enjoyment out of it.. From the OW standpoint, it would be like someone loaning you his/her Porsche-and just when you really get to liking it-they want it back.. Maybe its a bad analogy, but its the best I can do at this hour.. I couldnt do it...Then again, maybe its a good thing...Maybe you(or him) realize that being together 24/7 for a period of time that its just the "same old same old"......or even worse... Meh. Go and have fun I suppose....Just dont lose control of it and stuff it in a ditch.. TFY Edited September 18, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 3
Author C00kie Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 I just want to add this is not the first time we'll be going on vacation together, so nothing new here. I'll still be posting today, but for the next 2 weeks it's unlikely.
happy stillmore Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 This trip sounds like he is trying to keep you satisfied. He sensed you were growing unhappy with being the OW and wanted more. Just a thought.
Author C00kie Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 This trip sounds like he is trying to keep you satisfied. He sensed you were growing unhappy with being the OW and wanted more. Just a thought. Could be, but I don't think that's the reason...we've always done this.
Author C00kie Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Does it ALL have to be negative? Can't we just go and enjoy our time with our MM and not have everyone trash it to death? Go have fun!! LOL ! Thanks a lot
thefooloftheyear Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Does it ALL have to be negative? Can't we just go and enjoy our time with our MM and not have everyone trash it to death? Go have fun!! Uhmmm...because just maybe there is something just a little inappropriate about it, maybe?... At the end of the day though, isnt all this stuff about personal gratification with little concern for others..So, with that said I suppose you are correct... Woo effin hoo!!! TFY 5
Red Wolverine Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Does it ALL have to be negative? Can't we just go and enjoy our time with our MM and not have everyone trash it to death? Go have fun!! Actually, it doesn't have to be negative. In fact, I believe a trip to Fantasy Island is rather ironic. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 You forgot to begin your post with "IN MY OPINION". Everything we do in this life is selfish. Even if you give a homeless guy a dollar, you still do it because it makes you feel good inside. So, there is a pay off for everything we do. So what? I'll be excited to hear about your trip C00kie. I hope it goes well and that you get the answers you seek. Yep...its just as "good" as a charitable act to someone less fortunate.. Exactly the same..Whatever makes it justifiable and clears your conscience, makes everything right. Ill have to remember that one..THANKS!!..... TFY 3
Author C00kie Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Yep...its just as "good" as a charitable act to someone less fortunate.. Exactly the same..Whatever makes it justifiable and clears your conscience, makes everything right. Ill have to remember that one..THANKS!!..... TFY It's not right nor appropriate and I'm fully aware of it. You never heard me saying otherwise (and if you read my other posts, you'll know). Please let's stay focused on the post MeliMeli just wanted to wish me a nice holiday, that's all.
MissBee Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Does it ALL have to be negative? Can't we just go and enjoy our time with our MM and not have everyone trash it to death? Go have fun!! In short: no JK...but reality is, if you post about it here at least one person will post food for thought. It is not trashing, just reality. I certainly didn't trash in my post, just said how I felt when it was me and while it was enjoyable on one hand, there was a downside. I don't see anything wrong with that. If you don't want people to say anything that isn't just "Yay enjoy" then you can keep it to yourself, best way to not get any feedback you dislike or post it in the "Random Thoughts" or OT thread where the point isn't to discuss but to just say how you feel. Note: I'm not saying OW/OM can never post happy things...I'm saying posting on any forum or telling anyone about your affair experiences (or any other, dating etc) will open you up to critique, maybe a spin you didn't see, comments etc..so if you absolutely don't want any of that, the only way to ensure it is to not share. 6
whichwayisup Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 We'll be going on a 2 week vacation together. Honestly, at this point I just want not to fight. I want peace. I've worked my *** off and I really need some rest. Then we'll see what happens. Yes, I am postponing what I probably should have done some time ago, which is ending things (not because my gut feeling tells me to, but because I know it's not right in so many ways AND I need peace - i don't want to forget that feeling). And here I am, half happy (because I love him and enjoy his company), half sad (because I can't take this for much longer, because he'll say he's going outside for a smoke and I know he'll be calling her - might as well just say it, I know she exists - because, because, because...so many little things. All OW know what I'm talking about). Well...I'll let you know how it went when I get back. Are you planning on ending your A during your holidays? Try to just relax and go with the flow. It is what it is. And try not to get upset or jealous when he calls his wife. It's not like he can't not call her while he's away.
truthbetold Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 You forgot to begin your post with "IN MY OPINION". Everything we do in this life is selfish. Even if you give a homeless guy a dollar, you still do it because it makes you feel good inside. So, there is a pay off for everything we do. So what? I'll be excited to hear about your trip C00kie. I hope it goes well and that you get the answers you seek. Well no, IMO and actually many others, that's the BENEFIT of giving a homeless guy a buck, definitely not my reason for being kind, but eh to each their own. Some people honestly do care about others, even strangers and I suppose that must be shocking if you think everything is done for selfish gain. In short: no JK...but reality is, if you post about it here at least one person will post food for thought. It is not trashing, just reality. I certainly didn't trash in my post, just said how I felt when it was me and while it was enjoyable on one hand, there was a downside. I don't see anything wrong with that. If you don't want people to say anything that isn't just "Yay enjoy" then you can keep it to yourself, best way to not get any feedback you dislike or post it in the "Random Thoughts" or OT thread where the point isn't to discuss but to just say how you feel. Note: I'm not saying OW/OM can never post happy things...I'm saying posting on any forum or telling anyone about your affair experiences (or any other, dating etc) will open you up to critique, maybe a spin you didn't see, comments etc..so if you absolutely don't want any of that, the only way to ensure it is to not share. Yeah exactly, I never understood why it has to be Switzerland over here and they get eaten alive on the dating side. It's seems like the only reason that mentality exists is because the fantasy needs to continue in all aspects for some people. Up to and including only wanting people who support affairs to post to uphold the fantasy vision. Otherwise it doesn't make sense to post on a public forum instead of your own personal blog and get upset when reality gets interjected. I say roll with it, you should be able to dismiss it and take what you will. If it bothers you that much, there must be some truth that the person doesn't want to face. 5
orangegirl Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I'm not a fortune teller but this is how it will go... You'll have tons of emotionally charged sex, long talks filled with proclamations of "someday and I wish," and a horrendous goodbye. Rinse and repeat. I agree with this scenario. If you are going on this vacation, what makes you think it's going to be easier to breAk it off?? It will only make it harder, which will end up in you never actually doing it. Cycle- "Rinse and Repeat."
Author C00kie Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Are you planning on ending your A during your holidays? Try to just relax and go with the flow. It is what it is. And try not to get upset or jealous when he calls his wife. It's not like he can't not call her while he's away. No, I'm not planning on ending the A during my holidays. It would be a recipe for nightmare. We're going together, so might as well enjoy it, listen to what he may (or not) have to say and try to keep my cool and go with the flow. Looking at the bright side, it may help me see if I can still bear the whole situation, our dynamics, etc. Eventually, something good will come out of it, even if it's breaking up. Living like this can't go on forever. Now, I know it won't be easy. After 2 weeks with him, I might sink deeper. But actually...I don't know. I feel so different now. I feel a bit off with the whole thing. I really just want peace and see how it goes.
thefooloftheyear Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Well no, IMO and actually many others, that's the BENEFIT of giving a homeless guy a buck, definitely not my reason for being kind, but eh to each their own. Some people honestly do care about others, even strangers and I suppose that must be shocking if you think everything is done for selfish gain. Yeah exactly, I never understood why it has to be Switzerland over here and they get eaten alive on the dating side. It's seems like the only reason that mentality exists is because the fantasy needs to continue in all aspects for some people. Up to and including only wanting people who support affairs to post to uphold the fantasy vision. Otherwise it doesn't make sense to post on a public forum instead of your own personal blog and get upset when reality gets interjected. I say roll with it, you should be able to dismiss it and take what you will. If it bothers you that much, there must be some truth that the person doesn't want to face. Well said...People need to have thicker skin..Its not something one should need therapy for, nor is it ever a personal attack..Maybe it makes you think about it from another viewpoint, thats all. TFY
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