Christyspells77 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 So, I started dating a guy after speaking frequently (he was in a long distance position at the time) for three months. He moved back to where I am and we quickly began dating. Initially (the first four weeks) he was all about me and even discussed moving plans and looking at houses in different cities (that I had said I was interested in moving to) for us to move into within the next year. Things were going well and we got along great- he was in contact with me CONSTANTLY, calling, texting and we saw each other almost everyday. We were in so much contact that I was feeling like he may be becoming a bit clingy. This is where it gets complicated because we are in graduate school together and have three classes together and are also placed at our internship togehter (so we work together on a daily basis). I have noticed that in the last week he has seemed to pull away, he is not as attentive, does not want to see me as often, and definitely is not in contact as much. I tried to brush it off the first week but when we finally did see each other this past weekend we got into our first misunderstanding and ever since then things have not been the same. He has GREATLY reduced our contact (he used to text in the morning to say gmonring, call me in the afternoon, etc) and there is almost none of that. We made up after our disagreement (as it was small) but he has not been the same and I believe he was already feeling uncertain and that is what prompted the disagreement. We see each other at school and work but it is clearly not the same. I was attempting to just let it be in order to see how it played out but I finally could not take it anymore and brought it up this morning. I asked him if things were okay iwth him and he said he was just uncertain about what he was doing, where he wanted to be in the next year, and that I fall into some of that uncertaintiy as well. I understood and said if he wanted to talk to me then he could and he said that he did want to but wasnt sure how to bring it up and that we just hadn't had a chance to have a heart to heart yet since Saturday. However, he obviously is still distant with me and has not been in contact with me in the same manner that he previously was. I know I just need to accept this and see how this plays out and it very well could be the end of our relationship but I just wanted to see if anyone had advice for me in ways to cope and also how to act when I do see him (because I will see him on a daily basis). I do not want to seem cold or as if I am playing games but I also do not want to seem over excited to see him- basically I want to give him his space and let him decide but I am also fearful that by having no contact with him he will just let it "fizzle" out and I will be stuck waiting around feeling anxious. Any comments would be helpful and I will answer any follow up questions. Thanks!
Phantom888 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Is he being less affectionate? Are you two having sex regularly? Does he seem like he is interested in someone else? A sudden change of approach is rare, unless there is a big issue he is not discussing. Why don't you just ask him what's up?
agawaj Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 When he changed how much he was calling/texting you, was that around the same time that you guys started to see each other all the time at your internship and school? Maybe he's doing less of that stuff becaue he sees you a lot more now. Also, if you are both in grad school/doing an internership maybe he's just busier than he was before and doesn't have the time. The other thing is...maybe you're moving from that gooey inital phase of your relationship into the other part. The gooey stage never lasts and the length of time it can last can vary from couple to couple. The other thing is maybe he is just questioning the realtionship...which sucks, but all you really can do is ride it out. (though it really sucks). I think guys might have a better insite than I do on this stuff. Hope it gets better soon for you, take it easy 1
Fondue Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 When he changed how much he was calling/texting you, was that around the same time that you guys started to see each other all the time at your internship and school? Maybe he's doing less of that stuff becaue he sees you a lot more now. Also, if you are both in grad school/doing an internership maybe he's just busier than he was before and doesn't have the time. The other thing is...maybe you're moving from that gooey inital phase of your relationship into the other part. The gooey stage never lasts and the length of time it can last can vary from couple to couple. The other thing is maybe he is just questioning the realtionship...which sucks, but all you really can do is ride it out. (though it really sucks). I think guys might have a better insite than I do on this stuff. Hope it gets better soon for you, take it easy Completely agree with all these points. Spot on. Be cordial and polite/friendly when you see him in person, but don't be all lovey-dovey. Ride this bump in the road and see where the car goes.
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