sickpuppy Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I was wondering if I'm correct. Do girls drop hints they want you to come see them somewhere or would they specifically ask you directly? Ex: You text a girl and in conversation you ask her what she's up to. She responds she's at so-and so place having a drink after work. But never specifically asks you to come. Would that be a hint for you to tell her you need a drink to and go where she's at? Or would a girl who wants you to come specifically tell you why don't you come out after you asked her what she was up to? I would think they would ask rather than simply respond to you asking what they were up to. Am I correct? Or do girls drop hints to have you invite yourself?
pteromom Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 It depends on the girl. Either could be the case. This is one of those situations where you take the lead. If she says she's at so-and so place having a drink after work, text her back "Want some company?" Then you'll know. It's better not to assume you know what girls would or wouldn't do in a situation, because everyone is different. 3
Author sickpuppy Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 It depends on the girl. Either could be the case. This is one of those situations where you take the lead. If she says she's at so-and so place having a drink after work, text her back "Want some company?" Then you'll know. It's better not to assume you know what girls would or wouldn't do in a situation, because everyone is different. The only reason I asked is I believe if a girl likes you enough she'll ask you to meet her and not play a guessing game of jumping through hoops. One girl may drop hints but I'm sure if she likes a guy enough she will ask him. Or maybe girls will still just drop hints regardless? lol
emva07 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I believe if a girl likes you enough she'll ask you to meet he lol Maybe she wants to know that you like her back. For me I guess it depends on my mood, sometimes I drop hints, sometimes I'm forwards. But I will only be forward once...mayyyyybe twice. 1
Author sickpuppy Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Girls drop hints and create openings for the guy to take the lead and make something happen. They rarely ask, in plain English, in a very specific way [especially right at the start when you're trying to date someone]. So if you are getting a relatively fast response with anything more than 'hi' 'okay' 'i'm good thanks' - especially a text with a relatively datish venue - I'd say that is your opening to make something happen. Good luck. So I'd guess if you ask first what they were up to, and they tell you they are out having a drink after work you should take that as your hint she wants you to go? Or she in that case is pretty much just answering you? I guess next time I'll ask. I wouldn't be sure if she is simply just answering my question. lol
Keenly Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 This is where women expect you to psychically know what they are Implying. This applies to a billion things other than the initial meet up too. Why is it so hard to express what you want. If you want us to come. Say " hey you should come " Don't say " hey I was gonna go to this bar with my friend but I don't know " 2
SkyPhoenix Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Usually, us ladies will have been taught not to be so forward about what we want. You would think being specific helps, but not always and to be fair it depends on the type of relationship you are in, yourself, and the person you are involved with. I have tried a few times to be straight up about what I wanted. And quite disappointingly, so far it hasn't worked. So, I sort of gave up trying. What is the point when the people you get involved with are only interested in running the show themselves? If you find it difficult to interpret hints maybe you should speak to the girl and ask her if she could be honest with you if she'd like you to come over? Otherwise, take the lead (at least initially).
Author sickpuppy Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 This is where women expect you to psychically know what they are Implying. This applies to a billion things other than the initial meet up too. Why is it so hard to express what you want. If you want us to come. Say " hey you should come " Don't say " hey I was gonna go to this bar with my friend but I don't know " Exactly. It's like they expect guys to be mind readers, always take the lead as if they're children, while they play the "guess what I want you to do or not do" game. And then they wonder why dudes say frig it and either don't bother or get tired of it and drop them/find another girl. Some I think get a kick out of it for whatever issues they have going on in life and need to take it out on someone by leading them on with nonsense. Yet they'll claim they're not doing it, like that, and are a "good person". Then they find their "real man" who tells them what to do all the time and they either follow like a zombie or get mad that the guy always tells them what to do...till that guy drops them. It's better to watch girls actions than pay attention to what they say or they think you should just do as most operate on emotions and not logic.
todreaminblue Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Maybe she wants to know that you like her back. For me I guess it depends on my mood, sometimes I drop hints, sometimes I'm forwards. But I will only be forward once...mayyyyybe twice. it doesnt feel so good to be forward so like you ill ask once or say something once or twice.....and i would have to really really like the guy to even do that, other wise i just wait to be asked...im not big on inviting myself along to things....even with friends they know if they dont ask, i dont come....deb
Author sickpuppy Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 it doesnt feel so good to be forward so like you ill ask once or say something once or twice.....and i would have to really really like the guy to even do that, other wise i just wait to be asked...im not big on inviting myself along to things....even with friends they know if they dont ask, i dont come....deb So if a guy contacts you you don't interpert that as him showing interest. Then he asks you what you are up to and you say something like: I'm out having a drink after work. And the guy is supposed to take that as a hint you want him to then come? Or are you simply answering his question? lol
todreaminblue Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 So if a guy contacts you you don't interpert that as him showing interest. Then he asks you what you are up to and you say something like: I'm out having a drink after work. And the guy is supposed to take that as a hint you want him to then come? Or are you simply answering his question? lol interpret interest......no not really because i have guy friends.......i dont assume they all like me...i really hope they dont...smilin....that would be awkward..so luckily for me the guys who have really liked me just come out with it.....they know me well enough that they would know i am actually pretty shy......not as confident as i seem.......and i think you have to take that into consideration a lot of girls arent forward, they may drop hints now and again or ask but if you dont pick up on the hints......they dont pursue i think a guy who says would you like some company.......isnt overstepping the mark...its respectful and i think....sweet..there's only two answers to that it would either be a no or a yes..................deb
emva07 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 it doesnt feel so good to be forward so like you ill ask once or say something once or twice.....and i would have to really really like the guy to even do that, other wise i just wait to be asked...im not big on inviting myself along to things....even with friends they know if they dont ask, i dont come....deb exactly, I'm always forward with guy at some point. i've done the "hey i'm at XYZ....you should come" and gotten a "no....i'm tired/sick/busy, etc etc" so that was me being forward and it failing. So now if you are also interested in me and you were indeed tired/sick/busy, you will make an effort to make it up to me once you're available. So that's what I mean by being forward once or twice.
candie13 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 hum... Not sure if I completely agree with the answers you got so far. Try to look from the girl's perspective: a friend texts her and asks her how she's doing. She will answer that question, but if she is out with her (girl)friends and planned to stay with them / or do stuff together, you can be sure she is not dropping you a hint to join her. I mean, she may not even say the truth, she may be home in her jammies and say she is out and about, to not look like a total loser. So, my suggestion would be the following: don't ask to join her. That would also save you from that horrid position where the girl might answer "actually... I'd rather not". It would be smarter to say that you were thinking of going somewhere close to where she is to (the mall or the coffee shop)... do something there. Then carelessly add: "would you like to join later ?" Or more casual "see you around, maybe we catch up for a cup of coffee later". See what she responds. It's important to give people space and to give people the option of joining you / spending time with you. Less awkward in case they're not interested. my 2 cents, anyway 3
Gottabestrong Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Do girls drop hints they want you to come see them somewhere or would they specifically ask you directly? I would add something to my text like: 'Why don't you join me? ' if I wanted him to come over. If I am out at a bar I am probably not by myself and if I am there with a friend then it is probably 'girls night' and I would not want my guy to join us. Though I might want to introduce him to my friend and invite him to join us after two hours or so. But again, I would make that clear in my text.
dashfinn Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 To the OP: yes, girls drop hints and yes, usually guys are completely unaware of those hints. Guys just decide act anyway. It is then when the girl thinks "Oh, I dropped a hint and he acted on it. Great!" This happens rarely. The guys just pulls his courage together and decides to try a move. That's it. What comes to girls being straight about their wants: they should do more of it. I know. It's not what they told you to do. I know it's scary and I know it's hard. But you know what? It's like that for guys as well. Society might have taught you that you shouldn't be forward about your wants but society also teaches you all kinds of stuff that you really don't need in your life. The real secret about the teachings of society? It teaches Girls need to take responsibility of their lives and that includes love life as well. If you decide to stay with dropping hints to a guy, make them really, really, really obvious. I mean like "Ok, if he doesn't get this hint, he is probably not breathing." type of hints. I mean hints that feel to you almost too obvious. Those are the type of hints that guys see and think "Hmmm. I think she might be telling me something here." You see how this goes? Another thing I'll add here: a relationship should be a collaboration. It's not a ongoing interaction between two people where only one person decides/initiates/starts everything. The dynamics of a relationship can't be one-sided. This applies to every aspect of a relationship. Both need to participate. Think of it like two artists creating something together, both chime in and get inspired by the other person's input. About the texting etiquette when texting a girl: be honest and clear. Text what you really want and don't ask her to hang out. Hanging out is what friends do and dating is what couples do. Be clear and honest on what you want to do with her and when. You'll feel much better because you are honest to yourself and to her. She will very likely appreciate your honesty and you being forward about your intentions with her. 2
Author sickpuppy Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 (edited) To the OP: yes, girls drop hints and yes, usually guys are completely unaware of those hints. Guys just decide act anyway. It is then when the girl thinks "Oh, I dropped a hint and he acted on it. Great!" This happens rarely. The guys just pulls his courage together and decides to try a move. That's it. What comes to girls being straight about their wants: they should do more of it. I know. It's not what they told you to do. I know it's scary and I know it's hard. But you know what? It's like that for guys as well. Society might have taught you that you shouldn't be forward about your wants but society also teaches you all kinds of stuff that you really don't need in your life. The real secret about the teachings of society? It teaches Girls need to take responsibility of their lives and that includes love life as well. If you decide to stay with dropping hints to a guy, make them really, really, really obvious. I mean like "Ok, if he doesn't get this hint, he is probably not breathing." type of hints. I mean hints that feel to you almost too obvious. Those are the type of hints that guys see and think "Hmmm. I think she might be telling me something here." You see how this goes? Another thing I'll add here: a relationship should be a collaboration. It's not a ongoing interaction between two people where only one person decides/initiates/starts everything. The dynamics of a relationship can't be one-sided. This applies to every aspect of a relationship. Both need to participate. Think of it like two artists creating something together, both chime in and get inspired by the other person's input. About the texting etiquette when texting a girl: be honest and clear. Text what you really want and don't ask her to hang out. Hanging out is what friends do and dating is what couples do. Be clear and honest on what you want to do with her and when. You'll feel much better because you are honest to yourself and to her. She will very likely appreciate your honesty and you being forward about your intentions with her. I hear you. I think it's just sometimes I interpert things as signs or possible hints in hopes that the person really wants to get to know me as I do them. And with the last person when I finally asked I guess I got a reality check. Either she was playing games and wasn't/isn't really available (as in mentally/emotionally) or she just didn't like me in the way I'd would have liked. Not trying to come down on myself or need to live through someone. It's just I thought we'd got along well and maybe there might've been something there but it was my mistake. I take it as if a woman likes a guy enough she'll ask. I don't believe women "never" ask a guy or at least give a strong enough hint that they want the guy to really spend time with them. The last person seemed to me to possibly be throwing hints at different times like: If you're ever in my area and you go to that place. Hit me up and if I'm around I'll come. Text me. (Said in person twice after small talk.) I was thinking..Text you? For what? You have my number too. But didn't say it. Or later on after texting her: "What're you up to?" replied: I'm out having a drink after work at X. (Which is near my home but I'm not sure she knew that or not.) I didn't get a signal she wanted me to go so I said I'm home relaxing after work. She'd responded: "Yea. I'd better go soon as these beers are starting to get to me." To which I told her to get home safe. She'd never texted me first. (We'd texted maybe 4 times back and forth quick in several months as I'd thought she had a boyfriend) I'd finally gotten a text from her out of the blue first saying: "I'm going to X (which is near her and a place my friend and I go to pretty often so we'd talk about it) and thought maybe she wants me to go. I couldn't but didn't say so. So later on the next day I'd invited her to go with myself, my friend and his wife to a feast. And she'd given a not too positive reply/semi brush off so I let it go. Needless to say she never went. Either this girl never really liked me in more than someone to keep around or she was simply playing mind games without ever really meaning anything. So I guess my signal reading is off as is evident. lol Edited September 18, 2013 by sickpuppy
candie13 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Out of all the girls I know, only one of them would ask a guy do join her or give him obvious signs - and we are talking about adult women in their 30. Dating isn't about girls finding you attractive or them really being into you. It's about you dating the girls you like. And the norm, today, is for the boys to initiate communication - forever! Or until you are dating and she is comfortable enough to do the same. So, as for that girl who said "text me"... actually, that was a clear come on . If you expect her to text... well, keep waitin'. What I'm saying is that if you initiate communication, this will bring you access to a LOT of women. If you expect them to start the communication, the range of girls doing that is really small... and you may not like those anyway. Just a though, you should do whatever seems more convenient to you, of course.
candie13 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 oh, and don't mistake dating and relationships. Dating is a killer and yes, it is a lot tougher compared to relationships. In relationships, people talk and act natural (at least, that's the purpose). In dating, there may a lot of playing around - and usually it's men who love games. That's why almost all girls I know play it safe, the conventional way: the man has to start communication. The man will almost always initiate texting. The man will ask the girl out. The man will kiss the girl. 1
Author sickpuppy Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Out of all the girls I know, only one of them would ask a guy do join her or give him obvious signs - and we are talking about adult women in their 30. Dating isn't about girls finding you attractive or them really being into you. It's about you dating the girls you like. And the norm, today, is for the boys to initiate communication - forever! Or until you are dating and she is comfortable enough to do the same. So, as for that girl who said "text me"... actually, that was a clear come on . If you expect her to text... well, keep waitin'. What I'm saying is that if you initiate communication, this will bring you access to a LOT of women. If you expect them to start the communication, the range of girls doing that is really small... and you may not like those anyway. Just a though, you should do whatever seems more convenient to you, of course. Yes true she said: "Text me" two seperate times. Yet she had my number and I'd texted her before. Someone who has your number and you've already texted them previously can't text you? How many times do you have to text someone first before they start texting you? At times I felt after I'd talked with my co-worker (who flirts with me as a joke, she's older and not my type. It's a joke as two guys in my dept say we're a couple...just breaing chops..we would break chops back.) I wasn't sure though if she or the girls in her area had been watching and thought we were being serious. In the end I asked and she declined. She never asked if I was seeing or what was up with my co-worker. though who knows if she ever saw anything. It wasnt like we were all over each other. Just when she'd come in to work she'd kiss my cheek. ( I mean the lady I work with did get an extremely dirty look from her so maybe she did think something was going on but never said anything and then blew me off in the end.) I hope I didn't screw things up but girls gossip but no one ever asked (unless the lady who worked near her was asking). As she'd asked if I had a girlfriend and did I like anyone...Which maybe she was asking if I liked anyone there..I have no idea. In the end though I really felt the girl I liked was playing a game and suspected I liked her and just wanted to amuse herself at times.
truth_seeker Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Girls drop hints because they're insecure. They're afraid of being rejected. So they drop a hint hoping you'll get the hint and make the move.
Author sickpuppy Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Girls drop hints because they're insecure. They're afraid of being rejected. So they drop a hint hoping you'll get the hint and make the move. I don't think I can take if it's a hint or not till I get blown off. Then I take the hint. lol I don't know if rules have changed or wtf is up with all the texting stuff or chase by text as I only talk with friends. Obviously I'm not texting every chick and dating my azz off. I'm used to BSing with dudes. If someone simply tells me where they are I don't assume they want me to go unless they tell me or say you should come. I simply think they are just answering my question. lol
candie13 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Yes true she said: "Text me" two seperate times. Yet she had my number and I'd texted her before. Someone who has your number and you've already texted them previously can't text you? How many times do you have to text someone first before they start texting you? Well, by "text me", I would assume she means "ask me out". That's why she never texted you. To text you about what ? At times I felt after I'd talked with my co-worker (who flirts with me as a joke, she's older and not my type. It's a joke as two guys in my dept say we're a couple...just breaing chops..we would break chops back.) I wasn't sure though if she or the girls in her area had been watching and thought we were being serious. Ok, that means that your getting attention from another woman made you get attention from her. Sometimes, some women see men differently, if another woman is interested in that guy. I see no harm there, unless you were shamelessly flirting with your co-worker - you said you did not. In the end I asked and she declined. She never asked if I was seeing or what was up with my co-worker. though who knows if she ever saw anything. It wasnt like we were all over each other. Just when she'd come in to work she'd kiss my cheek. ( I mean the lady I work with did get an extremely dirty look from her so maybe she did think something was going on but never said anything and then blew me off in the end.) That's bad. It may have been a girls' war between who can get your attention. Since you did ask her out - and because she gave you the encouraging signs - she thought again and declined. Plenty of people out there, who only want the toy everybody is playing with. And when they get to have it, they realize that they didn't really want it, after all. Loser, you should next her! I hope I didn't screw things up but girls gossip but no one ever asked (unless the lady who worked near her was asking). As she'd asked if I had a girlfriend and did I like anyone...Which maybe she was asking if I liked anyone there..I have no idea. In the end though I really felt the girl I liked was playing a game and suspected I liked her and just wanted to amuse herself at times. Yeah, that girl was playing. Some girls really like it if a guy is hard to get or has views on someone else... it turns them on, it's like wanting something that they cannot have. But that's just it, she wouldn't really want you - or like you. She likes the challenge, the chase. Nutcase, let another guy deal with her issues! Oh, and there will be always office gossip. As long as you play clean, you should be fine. Oh, my rule is to never date people I work with or people from work. It helped a LOT down the line. I live in a small city, that's a punishment in itself, don't need to see my past dates eye to eye at work as well !
Babolat Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 This is where women expect you to psychically know what they are Implying. This applies to a billion things other than the initial meet up too. Why is it so hard to express what you want. If you want us to come. Say " hey you should come " Don't say " hey I was gonna go to this bar with my friend but I don't know " My ex gf did this all the time and it drove me nuts. I finally figured out her "codes" and would respond accordingly. Now, if she is not your gf, it depends. I have found most of the girls I hang out with, friends, are pretty straight forward, one is not and I have to "read" her and help her along as in "Are you asking me to meet you out, yes or no?". For example, Saturday, 10PM, she sends me a text "What are you doing?". I reply, "Just finished dinner, on my way home, very close to your house". She replies "There is a band I want to see at xyz place". I reply "No plans, lets go". She replies "OK, you are busy, enjoy your dinner". I replied with the Yes/No above and she said "Yes, pick me up". When I asked her about it she said she did not want me to feel like I had to go just for her....
Babolat Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Girls drop hints because they're insecure. They're afraid of being rejected. So they drop a hint hoping you'll get the hint and make the move. Men do the same....
Sugarless Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Men do the same.... Not that much IMO, If they would, who is supposed to initiate? I agree with what dashfinn says for the most part, you should do whatever you want and not think about whether she is hinting. Proceed with whatever you planned, if you have time to meet up ask her out and if you are confused reply with something equally confusing if you arent sure and it seems suspicious ask her, be it direct or more subtle but make sure it's clear enough. Personally I don't recommend texting (a few sms are okay at the beginning ) because it is very indirect, it's better to call.
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