His state of mind!

[Nancy87]

After 3 months of breakup, i offered friendship to my ex, but he refused saying he just cant do it. he would delete my emails without reading, delete my msgs without seeing' them..

Is he still struggling to get over me?

I am struggling too, still i offered him friendship just to have him around, but he was strict and did not agree.

N the msgs i sent to him after that, he deleted without even reading them.

What does it tell u abt his State of mind..

His family caused our breakup, n he told me he is convinced too. I can see him all happy on social media, but he wouldnt want to be friends. WHY?

[Faith13/2]

After 3 months of breakup, i offered friendship to my ex, but he refused saying he just cant do it. he would delete my emails without reading, delete my msgs without seeing' them..

Is he still struggling to get over me?

I am struggling too, still i offered him friendship just to have him around, but he was strict and did not agree.

N the msgs i sent to him after that, he deleted without even reading them.

What does it tell u abt his State of mind..

His family caused our breakup, n he told me he is convinced too. I can see him all happy on social media, but he wouldnt want to be friends. WHY?

 

Being friends with someone after a break up can be nearly impossible sometimes. I may be wrong, but 1. He no longer wants anything to do with you, and would probably prefer you to stop contacting him or 2. He may still have feelings for you, but wants to get over those feelings and communicating with you will not allow him to do so. Either way you should stop contacting him, he has made it clear he doesn't care to see what you have to say and desires no friendship with you. Time for you to move on and leave the guy alone.

[Nancy87]

yes u r probably right but the fact that he loved me like crazy is holding me on so bad

[Faith13/2]

yes u r probably right but the fact that he loved me like crazy is holding me on so bad

 

Him loving you is what's making you hold on? So I'll assume your feelings for him have no part in this? Even more reason to leave him alone, he has no interest.. If he did you'd know.

[lindsay1990]

After 3 months of breakup, i offered friendship to my ex, but he refused saying he just cant do it. he would delete my emails without reading, delete my msgs without seeing' them..

 

You offered, he refused. He doesn't want to have you in his life it looks like it. And right now, whatever nice memories he could have kept from your time together, I think they are overpowered now by your intensity so again advice is to go no contact.

 

Is he still struggling to get over me?

 

I think he is over you and is struggling to get you to stop reaching out to him because he doesn't want to be an a**hole/doesn't have the balls to be one.

 

I am struggling too, still i offered him friendship just to have him around, but he was strict and did not agree.

 

Because he's not dumb and he knows you want to get back together. Just because you say "friendship" when you offer it to him doesn't mean he doesn't see right through this. Do friends or potential friends to be ever pursue/beg like this?

 

N the msgs i sent to him after that, he deleted without even reading them.

 

Because he probably knows what you are saying again and realizes it is pointless to tell you "No" because you aren't taking "no" for an answer. He knows you are not letting up until he says YES and he doesn't want to say that, so he says nothing and deletes.

 

What does it tell u abt his State of mind..

 

To me, it means that he realizes it is pointless to argue with you about this, and possibly is waiting for you to just stop on your own. Also, he might think that you are selfish trying to force friendship of him, or that you keep demanding it from him like he owes it to you to be friends, and who wants a friend like that? Do you? Go NO CONTACT!

 

Or.... He is getting a huge ego boost and that is why he can't cut you loose. He won't pursue but won't tell you to stop it either.

 

His family caused our breakup, n he told me he is convinced too.

 

Again. HE doesn't want to go back to you. Like I said and I'm sorry, if you want different opinion I will stop replying to this situation I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on you about it but recall what I said I believe: when a man loves a woman nothing can keep him away from her, and when he doesn't nothing can make him stay or come back to her.

 

 

 

I can see him all happy on social media, but he wouldnt want to be friends. WHY?

 

Because he's HAPPY. He HAS friends. He appears to be okay and you are just bringing him down. Go No contact and stop looking at his social media. And also, your insistence is likely giving him a huge ego boost and that is giving him confidence to thrive constantly.

 

And now.... to be horrible but: don't you think his family and friends (especially his family since they seem so involved in his relationship) are aware of your insistence and you might be making yourself gossipfodder or a laughing joke?

 

NO CONTACT NANCY!!

[J21]

Sorry to put this bluntly, but if he doesn't want to be friends with him you should respect that and accept it.

 

Exes are not entitled to remain a part of their former lover's life after a break up.

 

If he wants to contact you, he knows how. Leave him be.

Edited September 18, 2013 by J21

[Nancy87]

but it hurts so bad. We were to get married in 4 months time, we had discussed our new apartment, our future together, our children names even.. We were checking out wedding rings for each other, his family was never happy..

But Also he found a new job and turned ICE COLD after that. Forgot all his vows n didnt even give a **** to what i was feeling like. Left me to die alone..

My heart sinks so bad... How can humans do that to each other...

I was all so happy, prospering in life before he came in,he took all my love away, n left me to cry in loneliness..

Yes I would be on strict no contact from now.. but my heart is very badly broken, i dont want to be a sticky ex but my emotions overwhelm me..

Why would i be a laughing stock, arent they humans, havent they been through this pain.,.. if i asked him to be in my life to lessen my pain.. why is this pain there in the first place? coz of him, coz i loved him and i put my trust in him.. n now that he is turning away and i am asking for his presence to heal me, heal us both.. i would be a laughing stock?

I am 27 years old, i have had relationships before, but no 1 broke my heart as roughly as he did..

It came down from marriage to ZERO in a matter of 10 days...

I am confused how can a human do this to another one, especially when he knew all along that i am a v sensitive person..

 

He told all his friends that we were getting married, even told his ex that i have found 'the one' n we will be getting married.. N then he gets a job.. n his family suggests to him that you two are not good for each other, n he leaves me out there, crying, pleading.. my tears just dont stop!

 

 

 

.....

 

 

Thank you all for your insight.

I have no option but to stick to STRICT no contact!

But then i miss him so bad, n i want to check on him..

i feel miserable... running in circles, diving into the black hole of gloom and misery..

 

 

But u know what the worst things is, I cant even HATE him for what he did.. coz i loved him.. And a deep buried emotion inside me says that he loved me too.. We were perfect lovers...

Edited September 18, 2013 by Nancy87

[Nancy87]

I wish i had found this forum before and hadn't broken off my 'no contact' which i did last week..

[Nancy87]

How do i resist the urge of following him on social media

[lindsay1990]

start by deleting him.

 

 

if he ever wants to be friends, he will add you back

 

 

 

 

Again, that was then and this is now. You WERE happy in the past, but those plans are just plans, and now they are gone. I feel for you, really.

 

It will be hardest at the beginning but you have to start someday so better sooner than later.

[reddragon588]

How do i resist the urge of following him on social media

 

Delete him on all social media.

 

My real recovery didnt really start until I did it. It took me 2 months, but I've made the most improvement in the month time since I did.

 

It's hard, it sucks.. But it's also necessary.

[Nancy87]

I have already removed him from everywhere but then again he posts publicly!

N he would change his display picture when ever i would change mine..

 

I don't get his MIXED signals!!

[J21]

I am sorry for your heartache and empathize with your pain, especially if that special someone is someone that could have potentially been your future husband.

 

I honestly think keeping in touch and trying to be friends with him will delay your recovery and hurt both of you more in the end. You will inevitably start developing feelings for him again, and it will just lead to more hurting for you if he doesn't change his mind. You say you want his friendship to help heal you, but I am betting it may not work out that way.

 

The truth is, you honestly can't expect to be platonic friends with someone you were about to get married 3 months ago. Maybe a few years down the line its feasible, but not right now. It is a guaranteed recipe for more heartache for one person or both.

 

If it is any consolation, I'm sure he is hurting his own way. He may look like he's fine on the outside, but if he truly loved you like you said he did, I'm sure he's hurting and dealing with it his own way.

 

He is not being cold or heartless, he knows NC is the best and only way to move forward. It probably hurts him to not be able to respond, just as much as it hurts you not hearing back. There is no malicious intent, he's not responding because he knows it may give you lingering hope and doesn't want to string you along. Know that it is a difficult choice of action for him too.

 

It's really best to delete him from FB and keep up NC so you can heal. Focus on yourself for now.

 

Time will heal and you will love again.

 

but it hurts so bad. We were to get married in 4 months time, we had discussed our new apartment, our future together, our children names even.. We were checking out wedding rings for each other, his family was never happy..

But Also he found a new job and turned ICE COLD after that. Forgot all his vows n didnt even give a **** to what i was feeling like. Left me to die alone..

My heart sinks so bad... How can humans do that to each other...

I was all so happy, prospering in life before he came in,he took all my love away, n left me to cry in loneliness..

Yes I would be on strict no contact from now.. but my heart is very badly broken, i dont want to be a sticky ex but my emotions overwhelm me..

Why would i be a laughing stock, arent they humans, havent they been through this pain.,.. if i asked him to be in my life to lessen my pain.. why is this pain there in the first place? coz of him, coz i loved him and i put my trust in him.. n now that he is turning away and i am asking for his presence to heal me, heal us both.. i would be a laughing stock?

I am 27 years old, i have had relationships before, but no 1 broke my heart as roughly as he did..

It came down from marriage to ZERO in a matter of 10 days...

I am confused how can a human do this to another one, especially when he knew all along that i am a v sensitive person..

 

He told all his friends that we were getting married, even told his ex that i have found 'the one' n we will be getting married.. N then he gets a job.. n his family suggests to him that you two are not good for each other, n he leaves me out there, crying, pleading.. my tears just dont stop!

 

 

 

.....

 

 

Thank you all for your insight.

I have no option but to stick to STRICT no contact!

But then i miss him so bad, n i want to check on him..

i feel miserable... running in circles, diving into the black hole of gloom and misery..

 

 

But u know what the worst things is, I cant even HATE him for what he did.. coz i loved him.. And a deep buried emotion inside me says that he loved me too.. We were perfect lovers...

Edited September 19, 2013 by J21

[Recovered]

I don't get his MIXED signals!!

 

Nancy!

 

There are no mixed signals. If he wants to be with you, it's HIS job to tell you directly. The only thing that matters is clear words and direct actions showing he wants you back. Everything else is meaningless.

 

Is he sad and suffering? Definitely. Is he struggling? Probably. I'm sure he's a decent person, he has normal emotions, and he feels awful too. But the truth is that it doesn't matter. It takes two to make a relationship, but just one to break it... and his decision was to break it.

 

The only thing you can do is focus on YOURSELF, on YOUR healing, and on YOUR future.

 

Friendship might be a possibility in the future, but not now. When YOU are healed and ready, you can work on creating a friendship with your ex-. But based on how you're reacting, my guess is that that’s a long, long time down the road for you.

 

You really need to block him completely on all social media. It's just driving you crazy, and you're filling your time thinking about him and his signals and what it means. It's comforting, because it allows you to keep living in the past and hold on to him in even the most tenuous of ways, but it's just delaying your recovery and prolonging the pain.

 

I think you know all this. Venting on this forum is a great way to let it all out, and it's hard to see your own case clearly, so the feedback from others is a good reality check.

 

It sounds like you're taking some of the right steps, so keep it up. No contact whatsoever, block him completely on all social media, and keep the focus on YOURSELF.

 

Gradually, your pain will eventually fade, all of this will just be a memory, and you will come out stronger and more self-confident because of how well you managed this difficult experience.

 

Best wishes

[Nancy87]

I know i am running in circles and would probably ask u the MOST stupid question...

 

'Is he sad and suffering? Definitely. Is he struggling? Probably. I'm sure he's a decent person, he has normal emotions, and he feels awful too. But the truth is that it doesn't matter. It takes two to make a relationship, but just one to break it... and his decision was to break it. ''

 

 

If he is sad or suffering, why was he SO RUDE when i broke my NC

..

 

 

Thank you for your valuable input both of you.. feels good to read such motivating replies from strangers who care.

Its ironic that the only person you were planning to spend the rest of ur life with wouldnt care. n leave u alone in such hour of misery and pain...

[RiceaRoni]

I know i am running in circles and would probably ask u the MOST stupid question...

 

'Is he sad and suffering? Definitely. Is he struggling? Probably. I'm sure he's a decent person, he has normal emotions, and he feels awful too. But the truth is that it doesn't matter. It takes two to make a relationship, but just one to break it... and his decision was to break it. ''

 

 

If he is sad or suffering, why was he SO RUDE when i broke my NC

..

 

 

Thank you for your valuable input both of you.. feels good to read such motivating replies from strangers who care.

Its ironic that the only person you were planning to spend the rest of ur life with wouldnt care. n leave u alone in such hour of misery and pain...

 

 

 

He was rude because he's trying to move on...

 

He's hurting and is sad as much as you are..so receiving a text from you isn't easy. It's probably hard on him because here he is trying to move on and it doesnt help to text him.

It's difficult. I remember constantly breaking NC and wanting to text an ex that had broken up with me and he constantly kept telling me to leave him alone, and at the time...when I still followed him on a blog, I realized he was hurting as much as I was and hated the decision he made, but he thought it was the best for us.

 

It's not that he doesn't care, he probably does, but being alone is an easier way to heal than to talk to the person you just split with right away...it doesn't help the healing process and only prolongs it.

[Nancy87]

Thank you for replying dear!

I hope we heal soon!