waiting4u Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I've got a date tonight for the first time since I've been on OLD and I'm a bit nervous so of course all my insecurities are coming out. I can by shy in social situations generally, so it's not the guy, it's more the whole concept of dating and worrying about how I'll be perceived. I've put on about 10 pounds since the last time I was dating and I wonder if I'm still as attractive. I've got mostly face shots on OLD from 10 pounds ago. I don't want to be one of THOSE women who claims they are thinner than they are. So, my question is - I've been told my face and hair are really pretty, and I described my body type as "fit." What looks fit to you? My stomach is flat, but my waist is not tiny. I wear a US size 4/6 (Jeans 27/28) and my boobs, butt and thighs are bigger than they used to be. I run/walk about 20 miles a week and eat healthy. If I'm "fit" am I supposed to show up with a smokin' hot body? And if my face is pretty, does the other stuff not matter as much? 1
colombiana28 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I think you'll be fine. after you get through the 18-25 age group of men, face becomes way more important than body. i'm like you, a size 4/6 at 5'5 130. I run a ton but my body is built a certain way, I have very thin legs, big boobs and a thick waist/narrow hips (basically just not "curvy" with a good waist-to-hip ratio, think kate upton's body shape). several guys have told me that if given the choice they would much rather have someone whose face they love to gaze at rather than a tight size zero 18 year old's body.
Author waiting4u Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Yeah, I think they call that "banana" shaped - I'm 36-28-36 (grrr) but hey - at least we've got boobs. 1
carhill Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I don't tend to view women as a collection of attractive parts, but would opine, if having to make a choice in the parts area, a memorable face would be my preference. In my culture, it's generally 'out there' (uncovered) and is the most commonly and routinely seen 'part' of a person. 1
MrCastle Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Face is all I care about physically in the sense that it's all I need to feel attracted to the woman. You'll be fine. Don't sweat it
Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 At the end of the day, you want someone to be attracted to you but you want to ultimately connect with someone on a deeper level. I've struggled with my weigh my entire life. I put way too much effort wondering if this guy or that guy was attracted to me for not being skinny enough. The right guy it won't matter and he'll love all of you. 3
soccerrprp Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I'm a face first person then body (waist). If the avatar is you, then you're lovely. As per your description of your body, it sounds lovely too. I wouldn't worry about it. If the guy is that focused on a perfect body then that's trouble ahead as well no matter how it goes in the short term. Hope you have fun! 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 To be honest...both. Both have to been in a range of suitable desirability, some men are more lenient on the body while others can be pretty strict about it. However most men have their preference range, I prefer a woman who's got some meat on her, but I've always assumed that's because I'm more of a sexual guy than average...I like the thickness in the right places, it's not an invitation to look like humpty dumpty. If a guy finds your face attractive that can be pretty relative as well...speaking from personal experience, a lot of men I notice find women with nice bodies coincidentally much more attractive than I believe they would be had they been heavier, I think a thinner waist can count for a lot with men...so I think weight does influence it a lot, because men often take in the whole package, women view themselves in details in parts...for men they take a snapshot of the overall package and it's usually either nay or yay. I think you're absolutely fine, most men just want a woman in a reasonable threshold just like a woman generally wants a man within a certain height range or education or what not...doesn't always mean you only go for someone that falls within that preference. You shouldn't be insecure about it and worrying if you're "good enough", you're already giving this guy a leg up and you don't even known if you like him...you're just be self-defeating and critical of yourself. That's the main problem here, of course it's normal to feel a bit nervous but you shouldn't feel like you hope you're skinny enough for 10 pounds, If a guy is critical of your body for 10 pounds then he's just not that into you. Men date women of all shapes and sizes, however you should always be a bit transparent about your body type in OLD as a lot of women do that whole angled-make-my-face-look-skinnier than it actually is, don't feign what you really look like...that's when you start taking chances, just post a normal full body pic and that guy will undoubtedly see it and if he asks you out then be satisfied and don't question it at that point since he already has an idea what you look like. 2
Author waiting4u Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I'm a face first person then body (waist). If the avatar is you, then you're lovely. As per your description of your body, it sounds lovely too. I wouldn't worry about it. If the guy is that focused on a perfect body then that's trouble ahead as well no matter how it goes in the short term. Hope you have fun! I like you.
FemmeMystere Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) Yeah, I think they call that "banana" shaped - I'm 36-28-36 (grrr) but hey - at least we've got boobs. These are the measurements of a thin woman, and since your waist is more than six inches smaller than your hips, and your bust/hips are the same size, you have the very coveted hourglass figure! Even if your waist measurement isn't "tiny," what really matters is your waist to hip ratio. I wear the same size as you, and I've not had a problem with dating at all. The average woman in the US wears a size 16, and you're about 1/4th of that! I'd say that as long as you're a single-digit dress size, you've got nothing to worry about. And judging by your photo, you've got the whole package! You go girl! He's gonna be blown away Don't get so wrapped up in trying to win his approval. He should be trying to impress you! Focus on whether or not YOU like HIM. You're fabulous, so what he thinks is irrelevant ETA: oops, noticed you're in the UK, sizing works a bit differently there. But the above still stands Edited September 17, 2013 by FemmeMystere 1
amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 You're really pretty. Pretty goes a lot farther than skinny with a butterface. 1
FitChick Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) As long as your profile shows CURRENT face and body shots, no man will get an unpleasant surprise. I can't believe how many men and women sabotage themselves in this regard. By the way, a true hourglass figure has a 10" difference between waist and bust/hips. Women who deceive men with old photos make it that much more difficult for the rest of us who use current photos because men never believe we look that good. At least that has been my experience. Edited September 17, 2013 by FitChick 3
JamesM Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Honestly, I have never been partial to a "tiny" waist. I prefer to hug more than bones. Having said that, I also know that the whole person is more important than any one body part. Now, if that is you in your LS avatar, then you have nothing to worry about IMO. You have a radiant smile with friendly and kind looking eyes....surrounded by beautiful red hair. (I am kinda partial to red hair though. I have a child with red hair. ) The one thing we all should do to appear most attractive is to maximize our beautiful qualities and "defocus" from our weaker areas. When a guy looks at you and is captured by your eyes and smile, then I doubt he will be noticing whether your waist fits a certain measurement.
hppr Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Yeah, I think they call that "banana" shaped - I'm 36-28-36 (grrr) but hey - at least we've got boobs. Sounds good to me especially if you are 5'3". Honestly, a ton of it has to do with a big smile and happy personality. Being around someone who is active and fun makes you feel good, have more energy etc. That is probably the biggest thing men look for above all else.
Babolat Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) I've got a date tonight for the first time since I've been on OLD and I'm a bit nervous so of course all my insecurities are coming out. I can by shy in social situations generally, so it's not the guy, it's more the whole concept of dating and worrying about how I'll be perceived. I've put on about 10 pounds since the last time I was dating and I wonder if I'm still as attractive. I've got mostly face shots on OLD from 10 pounds ago. I don't want to be one of THOSE women who claims they are thinner than they are. So, my question is - I've been told my face and hair are really pretty, and I described my body type as "fit." What looks fit to you? My stomach is flat, but my waist is not tiny. I wear a US size 4/6 (Jeans 27/28) and my boobs, butt and thighs are bigger than they used to be. I run/walk about 20 miles a week and eat healthy. If I'm "fit" am I supposed to show up with a smokin' hot body? And if my face is pretty, does the other stuff not matter as much? The timing of your question is spot on for me as I have been looking at OLD recently. Woman list themselves as Fit or Athletic, and when I look at their pics, well, they are not. They may be Athletic, they may be Fit, but they are carrying some extra lbs, and in some cases they are just over weight. I am not being critical or judgemental at all. It's their choice to use these words in their profile, to select these from a list of options. And, maybe to them they are Athletic or Fit because they run, bike, workout, exercise..... I think these selections should be removed all together from OLD as they are misleading. Your sizes sound great to me and you are a very attractive woman from your avatar. So, I would not be concerned. And, do yourself a favor and take a current full body pic and add it to your profile. Then, no concern! Me personally, I am a package man, I do no focus on one body part. Edited September 17, 2013 by Babolat 1
Mrlonelyone Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 As long as your profile shows CURRENT face and body shots, no man will get an unpleasant surprise. I can't believe how many men and women sabotage themselves in this regard. ........ That is the truth. I don't know why people do it because you want them to like you as you are NOW not as you were when training for the track team. That said: I have been with big women and thin women the one constant is their face appeals to me. That said: The big women I have been with were curvy inward more than they were curvy outward. In other words they had a waist that was so much narrower than their hips even if it was still big in absolute terms. The last woman I was(or am) stuck on was of the very skinny variety. Though based on how she eats unless something changes she won't stay that way. I used to think to myself: As long as her eyes stayed the same I would still want her. That was in the case of someone I knew really well as a skinny woman though who was with me through a dark time, when my father almost died. The bottom line is you want a man to fall for you as you are now, and you want to keep him by being so good at heart that even if your body changes he will still want you. i.e. a man who likes bigger girls not loosing interest if you loose weight and vice versa.
soccerrprp Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 waiting4u, Some good advice about adding RECENT full-body pics so there is no surprise. Does the guy you're meeting have full-body pics? Attractive to you?
Babolat Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 When I did OLD 2 years ago, I would sometimes, if I could not get a feel for her look from her pics, politely and gracefully ask for a "real time" full body pic. And, in most cases I got one. I do not think this is rude to ask for. We are both investing time and energy into this, so lets be fair. I remember the very first woman I met on OLD sent me a photo that day, the day we met. She did some kind of magic with it as when I showed up she was probably 100lbs heavier than her photos showed. She later admitted to photo shopping some of her pics...really?
veggirl Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Most people need to be attracted to the whole package, period. If you are fit why not put a current body shot on that site? Honestly your face looks pretty but your av here looks like you are trying to hide a chubby body. 1
Author waiting4u Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Well, you have all talked me into taking body shots today and posting them (with month/day/year). And it was helpful to me as well because I could see what I looked like and I'm not unhappy with it. My self esteem certainly does not depend on what a man thinks, but I do if I'm still desirable, as I've been out of the dating game for a while. Shall I text tonight's date and say "hey, now you check out my profile and see if I'm fat?"
Author waiting4u Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I was joking!! and it's "I do *wonder if I'm still desirable"
nescafe1982 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 You posted a while ago about your 15 pound weight gain and an old FWB coming back into the picture. It seems that you're uncomfortable with your weight/figure. Instead of worrying about what a man thinks about it - why don't you start doing stuff for YOU to be happy with it? Your self esteem is WAY too tied to a man's opinion of your figure. Confidence is really sexy, as cliche as that sounds. I have a girlfriend a bit on the thicker side and she rocks it, doesn't give an eff, and men just LOVE her. Words out of my mouth, Drseussgirl. Incidentally, you know what's really hot on a woman? Self confidence and a sexy, uninhibited smile. Honestly (and this is just me talking her) women focus way too much on improving the outside and not enough on doing same on the inside to attract a mate. Not saying OP is doing this at all... its just bugs me that "face v. body" is a too-typical breakdown of discussion on how to attract a man here on LS. I'm straight and female, but I love a chick with a sharp wit and a short glass of whiskey. 3
Babolat Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Well, you have all talked me into taking body shots today I think I have been hitting the bars/clubs too much recently as I literally thought you meant doing shots off your body, like alcohol shots! 2
Babolat Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Words out of my mouth, Drseussgirl. Incidentally, you know what's really hot on a woman? Self confidence and a sexy, uninhibited smile. Honestly (and this is just me talking her) women focus way too much on improving the outside and not enough on doing same on the inside to attract a mate. Not saying OP is doing this at all... its just bugs me that "face v. body" is a too-typical breakdown of discussion on how to attract a man here on LS. I'm straight and female, but I love a chick with a sharp wit and a short glass of whiskey. Mmmmmmmm.......dido...and I am man for the record! 1
Recommended Posts