pobodysnerfect Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I’m curious as to if the way I chose to go about things with a girl I dated was the right way of doing it. Me and her dated for two and a half months. We had seen each other 15 or so times at this point. I wanted things to start getting more serious and after a particularly fun day of hanging out I asked the question “Are there any ex-boyfriends still in your life?” I asked this question because in my previous relationship my girlfriend cheated on me and left me for an ex she was still “good friends” with. This girl new that. She was hesitant to say but finally told me a guy she was still pretty close with was an ex. Someone she broke up with a few months before meeting me and didn’t seem like she wanted me to ever meet. We were both drunk at the time and I was a little upset but we talked and eventually just dropped it. I took a few days to think about the whole thing and got ahold of her. I told her I wanted to talk about it sober and she said she understood why I was unhappy and agreed. When the day came I decided to let her get ahold of me for three reasons: 1 she on at least two occasions didn’t get ahold of me on days we made plans and only decided to tell me she was cancelling when I contacted her 2 she hadn’t gotten ahold of me to do anything for about three weeks at that point (though she never ignored me when I called her) and 3 I felt she made the mistake and if she wasn’t willing to put effort into fixing it I wasn’t going to either. She didn’t call and we never talked. I sent her a text the next day that read as follows “So I wanted to talk face to face and if you ever do you can call. But I feel like you don’t really care about you and me and unless that changes I can’t put effort into spending time with you anymore”. Nearly a day later she responds with “Can we talk when I return from vacation?” She was leaving for a week and a half long vacation with her family the next morning. I sent her a message that said “If you call me we can talk, but I’m not chasing you down anymore”. She never got back to me. It’s been a little over a month since we've talked and I’m very aware that it’s over at this point. But I’m wondering if the way I decided to handle that situation was wrong. Any advice for future relationships would be appreciated.
Philosoraptor Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Well you felt like you wanted something that she didn't, nothing wrong with that. I'd question your choice of words though. You can't let your own insecurities from the past effect future relationships though. Some people are legitimate good friends with ex's, and being friends with an ex doesn't suddenly make someone untrustworthy. 1
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