Emilia Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I took a look back at her posts, and OP is only 21 or 22, so I'm guessing boyfriend is around the same age. It's not surprising to me at all that boyfriend isn't in a rush to move in together or doesn't think much of inviting her to move in with him and his friend, given how young they are. I'm guessing he is not chuffed by the expectations that he should be providing for two people. 1
Balzac Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 OP is confusing a college dude for a working man. HaHa. Or she's dating up to a college dude with a bigger allowance. I'm sure the guys aren't talking econometric modeling or their research on artificial red blood cells but OP is having to struggle keeping up. His comment to her "ask questions" was very telling. I feel for OP as she's not catching on.
KatZee Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I'm not trying to tell him what to do. Is just he's thinking "yay I'll save money! Yay my best friend will be there all the time!" So of course it sounds wonderful. I just want him to know that it's not going to just be fun and wonderful, there's stuff he likes to do that he wont be able to do anymore. He hates wearing clothes, lol, well now he's going to have to wear them all the time. He hates me wearing clothes. Well now i have to. He likes being spontaneous. If we're watching s movie and the mood arises, well now we have to break the moment to go to the room. In the room, all the time. Never in some random place. Listen, I get you think you know him and exactly what he likes and how sad he's going to be not being able to do everything you've stated above, but believe me I'm sure he's thought it through. Clearly, having a bachelor pad with his best friend is a greater idea that being able to freeball whenever he wants (but seriously, some dudes do this anyway. Especially if he's a great buddy to him.) It's something you either accept or you don't. But you don't get to tell HIM what to do. If you had a ring on your finger, your opinion would hold weight. But not here.
Els Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Yeah, I think this is an entirely separate issue, but all she has to do is say NO to that arrangement. (Which she should.) I took a look back at her posts, and OP is only 21 or 22, so I'm guessing boyfriend is around the same age. It's not surprising to me at all that boyfriend isn't in a rush to move in together or doesn't think much of inviting her to move in with him and his friend, given how young they are. Ah, okay, did not know the OP's age. That being said, don't you feel that their very disparate expectations of how the relationship should progress, marks a pretty basic incompatibility between the two regardless of age? Well enough for the OP to say 'no' to it. But is there a point in staying in an incompatible R that she is unhappy with? If the bf is completely unwilling to compromise on this, she should chalk it down to incompatibility and walk, IMO.
Emilia Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Ah, okay, did not know the OP's age. That being said, don't you feel that their very disparate expectations of how the relationship should progress, marks a pretty basic incompatibility between the two regardless of age? Well enough for the OP to say 'no' to it. But is there a point in staying in an incompatible R that she is unhappy with? If the bf is completely unwilling to compromise on this, she should chalk it down to incompatibility and walk, IMO. I think it's fairly typical of early 20s. Girls tend to take it more seriously than the guys. It fits with what I usually see. 1
Els Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 OP is confusing a college dude for a working man. HaHa. Or she's dating up to a college dude with a bigger allowance. I'm sure the guys aren't talking econometric modeling or their research on artificial red blood cells but OP is having to struggle keeping up. His comment to her "ask questions" was very telling. I feel for OP as she's not catching on. You're being unnecessarily harsh on the OP. She mentioned that the two were talking about video games. As a gamer myself, I assure you that nobody with half a brain thinks any less of non-gamers who don't understand gaming conversations.
Els Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I think it's fairly typical of early 20s. Girls tend to take it more seriously than the guys. It fits with what I usually see. Yup, true. I still don't think it's right that she should just put up with something she is unhappy with because 'most guys her age are like that', though. Sets a bad precedent for the rest of her adult life. There are other options, including being single.
Emilia Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Yup, true. I still don't think it's right that she should just put up with something she is unhappy with because 'most guys her age are like that', though. Sets a bad precedent for the rest of her adult life. There are other options, including being single. I kind of disagree though. I think generally speaking people shouldn't take relationships hugely seriously in their early 20s. She should follow his example. Get enough money to move out, build her own life, her independence. Not follow guys around. He isn't following her around. She should take a leaf out of his book. Might I add, she would probably become more attractive to him if she did. 4
Els Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Get enough money to move out, build her own life, her independence. Not follow guys around. He isn't following her around. I completely agree with this; I guess I just think this is best done outside of this particular relationship. Which is why I also strongly disagree with Balzac's suggestion to pour her funds into financing weekend getaways for them to have privacy. Regardless of different opinions on 20+ year olds and their Rs, I think we can all agree that there is little point in investing in a R when the other person is not.
Ouroboros Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 A person who doesn't take relationships seriously early on never really does. 1
Keenly Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I am sensing some clingly, some needy, with a dash of controlling. OP is focusing more in what she wants than what is best for her boyfriend. I have a feeling this bleeds over into other aspects of their relationship, and.of she really is ALWAYS there... its no wonder why he wouldn't want to love alone with her. She would mom him to death. 2
Keenly Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 A person who doesn't take relationships seriously early on never really does. Your posts in this thread lead me to beleove that you expect other people, mainly this man, to experience life the way you do, and ONLY the way you do. Let the man make his own choices. Its possible love some one completely and still want your own place. Moving in together is not some magical relationship leap forward. In fact it usually ruins a lot.
Emilia Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 A person who doesn't take relationships seriously early on never really does. Completely untrue.
Emilia Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I completely agree with this; I guess I just think this is best done outside of this particular relationship. Which is why I also strongly disagree with Balzac's suggestion to pour her funds into financing weekend getaways for them to have privacy. Regardless of different opinions on 20+ year olds and their Rs, I think we can all agree that there is little point in investing in a R when the other person is not. I think Balzac was being facetious. 1
Els Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I think Balzac was being facetious. Hopefully the OP realizes so too... 2
clia Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Ah, okay, did not know the OP's age. That being said, don't you feel that their very disparate expectations of how the relationship should progress, marks a pretty basic incompatibility between the two regardless of age? Well enough for the OP to say 'no' to it. But is there a point in staying in an incompatible R that she is unhappy with? If the bf is completely unwilling to compromise on this, she should chalk it down to incompatibility and walk, IMO. It's hard to say. It's possible that he merely meant that if he was still in the lease with his best friend, she could just move in with them at some point to finish out the lease, not necessarily that he never wanted to move in with her alone. His timetable for moving in together may be very different from hers, though. And while I agree that this may be a basic incompatibility about the relationship, with them being so young I can't really say that I blame him for not wanting to move in with her right away, if that's the case. In fact, I think she would be better served to focus on getting her own place and having that experience for herself before rushing to move in with the boyfriend at 22 years old. 2
StanMusial Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I kind of disagree though. I think generally speaking people shouldn't take relationships hugely seriously in their early 20s. She should follow his example. Get enough money to move out, build her own life, her independence. Not follow guys around. He isn't following her around. She should take a leaf out of his book. Might I add, she would probably become more attractive to him if she did. LOL. What the hell man. I know plenty of people who got married in their early 20's. I guess that's about as serious as it gets. Some people take relationships seriously and some don't, ideally the like-minded would find each other. I don't know why anyone would feel people in general SHOULD or SHOULDN'T take a relationship seriously at an adult age.
Emilia Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 LOL. What the hell man. I know plenty of people who got married in their early 20's. I guess that's about as serious as it gets. Some people take relationships seriously and some don't, ideally the like-minded would find each other. I don't know why anyone would feel people in general SHOULD or SHOULDN'T take a relationship seriously at an adult age. See how many of them are still married in their late 30s 4
Balzac Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 You're being unnecessarily harsh on the OP. She mentioned that the two were talking about video games. As a gamer myself, I assure you that nobody with half a brain thinks any less of non-gamers who don't understand gaming conversations. Duly noted. I read her gaming comment and ive got no pejorative comments to gamers. I'm biased in that I feel sad for college students who live at home at the age 21. I understand the economics. I appreciate diversity on campuses. This situation reads state school, lucky to be there, through no fault of her own, projects entitlement. We do not get to choose our parents.
darkmoon Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) be glad his room-mate is not female, horror stories are out there, do not tell him what to do, he will not obey you, I mean ffs, women do not obey men, do not push it, he might end up moving to a new flat-share with a girl-room mate living in there in a happy/pleasant domestic throng, srs Edited September 17, 2013 by darkmoon
Author tme0 Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Y'all. I'm full time in my last year of college. I have two jobs. I save the vast majority of my paychecks. We alternate paying when we go out to eat. I'm 22, he's 25. He has a full time job and is in the military. I know he can afford it bc he's constantly telling me how many hours he's working, how much of a raise he got, how much he got from the military. How he just spent X on something. I go over on weekends. At his request. So we get two days a week. One sometimes. So no I'm not always there. He gets plenty of some time with his best friend. I said they live one building apart. ..so of course they do. In fact he's spending all day with him today. Whenever we go anywhere he always calls the friends to seed of he wants to come too. I am not controlling. I never told him not to in the least. I'm supportive of everything he does. If he does this then ok. Doesn't mean I have to do cart wheels bc of it though. I don't appreciate all the crap. I simply asked if it was something I should bring up. I'm a really good girlfriend and he's constantly telling me that. I tried responding to everything in this one post but might've missed something.
StanMusial Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 See how many of them are still married in their late 30s Some are, some aren't. I'm thinking of one girl who didn't have that option, her husband burned to death in a car wreck. She didn't even get to say a proper goodbye to that guy. She had 10 good years with him though. If she wants a serious bf she should find one. I don't know how emulating her sorry ass bf is going to make her any happier.
darkmoon Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 okay, he is doing his guy-buddy thing, you are his arm candy, his buddy will get a girl sooner or later, then things will be back to normal
Author tme0 Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 His friend does have a girlfriend. She is over at his apartment a lot, stays over a lot and lives with him in the summer.
darkmoon Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 His friend does have a girlfriend. She is over at his apartment a lot, stays over a lot and lives with him in the summer. seems like ground-rules are in place, perhaps the other girl's thinking is the way to go, really you are not married to this guy, seems a shame not to just join in whatever is going on, it might not match what you expect, no choice, I think you need to be laid back, unless your gut tells you otherwise for any reason
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