Author RiceaRoni Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Be careful with the control element here...you now have the control if you will. He will try to, subconsciously, get that control back. Stand your ground, no contact, and more than 30 days. If there is no need to contact, then don't. I know that now I need to be for myself and heal on my own.. But how would I even initiate contact once I feel better? When I feel better and have moved on do I just text him one day saying "hey I feel better, we can be on equal terms now" I dunno. He really was a great guy to talk to, and I'd like to have at least that part of him.
Babolat Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 When I feel better and have moved on do I just text him one day saying "hey I feel better, we can be on equal terms now". NO! Move on, thisw man is toxic for you. There are soooooo many more men out there for you.
candie13 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I know that now I need to be for myself and heal on my own.. But how would I even initiate contact once I feel better? When I feel better and have moved on do I just text him one day saying "hey I feel better, we can be on equal terms now" I dunno. He really was a great guy to talk to, and I'd like to have at least that part of him. Girl, if you are over him and feeling better, you won't want to contact him. Look, I've done all the possible mistakes: broke up with him several times, agreed to go back together after he tried really really hard, stopped texting, texted, stopped calling, called... done it all. Here is my main learning: even if he does want you back, he will NEVER say he is sorry. He will NEVER apologize for the pain he inflicted you. And last, but not least, he does NOT want to change. He only wants you back and for things to be just the way they were before breaking up - with him having everything and you being left all alone. So: unless he calls you with sincere apologies, promising to change, begging for you to believe him and promising you to make YOU happy, cut all the contact. He is playing with you. Taking you for a fool. Drake songs my arse. NO CONTACT starting now. Be mad, he is acting like one son of a b... (you fill in the blanks). Stand up for yourself, he is manipulating you, because he hopes that if he keeps contact, you will start missing him and get back to him. On his terms . Ain't life beautiful... is that what you want? So start everything all over again? Break up with him all over again? Go through this pain all over again? If he does not want to change, it's exactly what's gonna happen. Just say NO. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Girl, if you are over him and feeling better, you won't want to contact him. Look, I've done all the possible mistakes: broke up with him several times, agreed to go back together after he tried really really hard, stopped texting, texted, stopped calling, called... done it all. Here is my main learning: even if he does want you back, he will NEVER say he is sorry. He will NEVER apologize for the pain he inflicted you. And last, but not least, he does NOT want to change. He only wants you back and for things to be just the way they were before breaking up - with him having everything and you being left all alone. So: unless he calls you with sincere apologies, promising to change, begging for you to believe him and promising you to make YOU happy, cut all the contact. He is playing with you. Taking you for a fool. Drake songs my arse. NO CONTACT starting now. Be mad, he is acting like one son of a b... (you fill in the blanks). Stand up for yourself, he is manipulating you, because he hopes that if he keeps contact, you will start missing him and get back to him. On his terms . Ain't life beautiful... is that what you want? So start everything all over again? Break up with him all over again? Go through this pain all over again? If he does not want to change, it's exactly what's gonna happen. Just say NO. Even if he did want to apologize, he wouldn't call. I told him I wanted to be left alone and have time to myself. But you're right..I opened up and told my dad about him and what he'd done and my dad saI'd the same thing...that he was playing me...my dad was saying that he KNOWS what my ex wants and it's not friendship that's for sure.
Minneloa Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I know that now I need to be for myself and heal on my own.. But how would I even initiate contact once I feel better? When I feel better and have moved on do I just text him one day saying "hey I feel better, we can be on equal terms now" I dunno. He really was a great guy to talk to, and I'd like to have at least that part of him. RR, Please put your healing first right now. Why worry about future contact with this person who hurt you? It concerns me that your focus continues to be on him. Time to get selfish, sister! You're the injured party here, and you need to tend to yourself. M. 1
candie13 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 RR, if a man wants a woman, it doesn't matter what she told him. He will call, text, beg and please to get through to her. It is amazing the things a man is able to do if he really wants her. Stop focusing on him and on what he wants and focus on you and what YOU want. Attention. Confirmation. Apologies. A person to treat you better !!! 2
Minneloa Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 RR, if a man wants a woman, it doesn't matter what she told him. He will call, text, beg and please to get through to her. It is amazing the things a man is able to do if he really wants her. Stop focusing on him and on what he wants and focus on you and what YOU want. Attention. Confirmation. Apologies. A person to treat you better !!! Boom! (10 characters)
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Thank you.. And thanks for everyone helping me out here. I think what I'm going to just really miss is our conversations and how easy it was talking to him about anything. I've never had a connection with someone like that before. Not even with my closest friend. He want very good to me like I made it seem. Yes he was very caring and affectionate and did a lot for me and was there for me, but just he himself emotionally took a toll on me and he stressed himself and myself out. He pressured me into doing things I didn't want to do, or wasn't comfortable with and blamed me for a lot.
Minneloa Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Thank you.. And thanks for everyone helping me out here. I think what I'm going to just really miss is our conversations and how easy it was talking to him about anything. I've never had a connection with someone like that before. Not even with my closest friend. He want very good to me like I made it seem. Yes he was very caring and affectionate and did a lot for me and was there for me, but just he himself emotionally took a toll on me and he stressed himself and myself out. He pressured me into doing things I didn't want to do, or wasn't comfortable with and blamed me for a lot. RR, it's natural to miss some aspects of the relationship. At the same time, the bolded above is very worrisome. I know it's hard, but try not to romanticize your connection with him. Respecting a partner's boundaries is fundamental to a healthy relationship, and he failed to do that with you. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Yeah.. It helped me open up and I got out of my comfort zone, but at the same time I didn't like how I was pressured. Would you say it's also a red flag if a man still remains in contact with female friends he's had casual sex with? When we were together he told me he and a friend (a girl he slept with) hung out together and went to his house to smoke...it worried me so much, and he said it was fine...she did trying making a move know him, but he pushed her away and told her no, but at the same time I was still cautious about that.. Even when he first started giving up on me, he would ask me if it was okay if he went to go sleep with his friends and if it would bother me. I don't know and I don't think he did, but either in the same day or the next safe he would come back or tell me he changed his mind... When we would hang out at his house, he would want sex from me and I would tell him no (mainly because of his flaky attitude and I felt I couldn't trust him enough yet) and he would tell me that he has girls and he has friends that are willing to have sex with him now and willing to sleep with him while I'm here just dangling him in front of them, mocking them...I became so upset when he said that...
Ireallydontknow Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Look don't take this personal. Seek professional help. You don't sound very stable right now. You seem like you have dependency issues, especially since the relationship was short. Regardless of everything we told you, you still talked to him on the phone to tell him to stop contacting you. Trust me this crap will pass, not today, not tomorrow, hell not even a month. I woke up and started missing my ex. Every girl I've met so far hasn't even come close. Still, we are doing this for ourselves. So we don't get stuck in situations in which we get manipulated, played with, used, and left. In the end all we have is ourselves. Quit giving this guy more of your time and go live some life.
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Look don't take this personal. Seek professional help. You don't sound very stable right now. You seem like you have dependency issues, especially since the relationship was short. Regardless of everything we told you, you still talked to him on the phone to tell him to stop contacting you. Trust me this crap will pass, not today, not tomorrow, hell not even a month. I woke up and started missing my ex. Every girl I've met so far hasn't even come close. Still, we are doing this for ourselves. So we don't get stuck in situations in which we get manipulated, played with, used, and left. In the end all we have is ourselves. Quit giving this guy more of your time and go live some life. No..I don't need professional help. Just mainly upset. And I know it'll pass..
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