mugirl213 Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 OK, so here I am yet again posting about the topic of my boyfriend not wanting to have sex with me. My last post was..."no gettin' busy for 5 weeks." Now it's 5 weeks + 1 day. *sigh* I made a wonderful evening for my boyfriend on Friday, let him come home from work, relax and enjoy a video game while I prepared a special dinner for him. I cleaned up the apartment and set the table and prepared a salad, linguine w/clams, dessert, wine and even downloaded romantic music and lit some candles. I got a lovely card telling him "what loves mean to me" and gave it to him. And I even dressed up super extra sexy for him. The night went great and he loved everything, thanking me over and over. After dinner I asked what he wanted next and he said a massage, thinking this was my "in", I agreed. Well...i gave him a massage and after a while he took his bathrobe down to the waist. I was massaging his back when all of a sudden I hear snoring. Now to his defense and mine, we were both drinking wine, laying in candlelight an dlistening to relaxing music after a hard day's work. So I gave up on the notion of sex and suggested we go to sleep, even though it was 9 PM. Well...the next day he told me how much he loved the night and how great it was. I told him thank you and how much I enjoyed sleeping naked with him (something I used to enjoy on a regular basis and now NEVER enjoy. He said...the wine made him forget that he was fat. I said that I only see handsome when I look at him. He said I was blinded by love. (sigh) Now keep in mind he told me 3 weeks ago,t he only reason we weren't having sex was that he felt repulsed by his body. He's not fat by any means and put on maybe about 10 lbs. but is still very sexy to me. I asked if it had anything to do with me, and he kept repeating no, but after I tried reassuring him about his body, still no sex. Now for me it's not about the physical gratification, it's about feeling desireable, sexy and wanted by my significant other. The day was wonderful...and then that night...I gave him a massage on his "other head" lol and his body definitely enjoyed it, but he just kinda lay there and did nothing. So again, I gave up (now this has been occuring for 5 weeks). The next day (sunday) he came over to me and massaged my breast, while i lay back and enjoyed and was getting really hot, when all of a sudden, he giggles and stops and said how he was a tease. I am at my wits end. We've argued on this topic 3 times. He told me each of those three times he was thinking deeply on this topic and needed time. He was searching for a better answer...yet still NOTHING. I don't know what to do. I am so frustrated. And i feel like the ugliest girl alive. Hugs and kisses and cuddling are great...but no sexual activity (even making out) with your boyfriend of 10 months for 5 weeks is not normal. I feel like a troll.
Barby Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Are you sure he's not umm "gay"?? 5 weeks w/ no nookies and you got him excited but still nothing?? Oh I'd be VERY concerned about this guy...
Pocky Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 If he has such an issue with his body that he doesn't want to have sex, why doesn't he just turn the lights out? Have you thought to mention to him that not only is his measly ten pounds giving him a self-esteem issue it's giving you one and can very well be the downfall of the relationship?
Author mugirl213 Posted November 22, 2004 Author Posted November 22, 2004 Well i've thought of that...I don't know for sure...but I don't think so. We HAVE had sex...as in we used to have a GREAT sex life...but since he's put on this weight and since I went on Zoloft...NADA! (Initially on the Zoloft when we had sex, I couldn't achieve orgasm). He is very metrosexual...and initially when I met him I was concerned he might be gay or bi...and I actually asked him that. He said no, and is in fact very conservative in his beliefs and does not advocate homosexuality...although I do know that these are the people who tend to be in denial sometimes. I just don't know. Plus if he was gay...why would he "tease" me like this? Stroke my nipples and etc...AND become aroused by it? Wouldn't it be more that he wouldn't get aroused by stuff like that?
Barby Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Maybe there is something deeper but maybe he's struggling in his sexuality, maybe he's with a female because it's his "beliefs" that make him not act on his actual desires. He could become arroused by females if in fact he is bi-sexual but of course if he won't admit it then I guess you'll never know. Let him know that you're seriously feeling the emotional effects of the lack of intimacy and you want it to change. Weight or not no normal healthy (sexually) male I think would participate in foreplay and not have sex (or make love) when their partner is clearly willing and ready. It doesn't make any sense... Or maybe he feels inadequate like he can't satisfy you sexually if you couldn't orgasm...I dunno......you need to find out what's going on in his head.........
Sukotto Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 I think you might need to get a new battery powered friend to relieve you at the moment and maybe you should discuss with him what he thinks you should do. Maybe something like "Well if you wont give me any pleasure maybe I should go find someone who can", dont make it sound like a threat just say it and then casually laugh. Though 5 weeks without sex... The longest I ever went in a relationship was about 7 days and thats because she was in another country.
Author mugirl213 Posted November 22, 2004 Author Posted November 22, 2004 Well the thing is guys...we've fought about 3 times about this in the past...3 weeks. So I'm very tentative to bring this up to him. I said to him initially about this problem and he said that he would "dig deep on this issue" as he "sees it's so important to me. He made the remark too in that time that he thinks we have different definitions of what a relationship is...and his isn't "all about the sex" and how it's "more important to connect with someone on an emotional and mental level." Which I agree that IS more important than the sex...but still. Sex is a part of it, and without physical intimacy...it's a friendship. So since we've had 3 fights each time I've brought this up. I'm skittish on how to do it. I don't want to make him feel bad or push him in any way as that will just cause him to withdraw. Plus I'm CONVINCED that if we had sex, I'd come in an instant! Just from him touching my nipple I almost came. I dont' know how to talk about this...or when? It's been a week since I've brought this up and that's been the longest time frame i've waited to date. I know that this is a busy time of year for him w/work and family and I don't know if I should wait until after Thanksgiving...or...do it now? I'm trying to wait for him to come to me, as the second time i brought it up, he said, "I didn't forget".
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