BrokenCrushed Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Hello there. I really need desperately to vent. I broke up with my boyfriend who I have been for longer than most couples these days are married and I feel like crap. He was my first boyfriend and the first person I have ever loved. He was also the best friend I have ever had and I've never, never, been able to open up to anyone else the way I open up to him. We had been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years. I have to admit, I felt us growing apart and the feeling was mutual. We were both at fault and I think if we had just communicated with each other a little better, a lot of misunderstanding and heartache could have been prevented. But I really believed this is something we would be able to work through. I thought the fight may be good - we had finally cleared the air, but he wanted to give up on everything The thing that kills me is that I know it is over and I keep fooling myself into thinking there is hope. Things were said and I don't think we could ever go back. But, he wants to stay friends and I want to as well - he was my best friend for so long. I know I should give it some time before we can talk again as friends, but it's so hard! When we talk, he asks like nothing ever happened. The only thing that is different is we try to avoid talking about love. But even when I am holding back tears as I talk to him, I am happier than when I'm not. And I don't know that I can let him go. I know what I have to do to heal. He used to be the person who kept me sane, but now he is making me crazy. I've been so depressed lately. My work is suffering and I can't have that part of my life fall apart too. Whenever he texts just to say hi, it just tears me up inside. I know I have to stop talking to him, but I can't. He had been the person I shared everything with for the better half of a decade. He was the first person I called when anything good or bad happened. He was also the person who stole my heart, cradled it gently and promised to keep it safe and warm, then threw it on the hard ground, unleashed a herd of wild horses on it, and then left all the itty bitty pieces there for me to pick up. But I'm so scared of him forgetting me and moving on... I don't know how to deal. This will get better right?
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