alphamale Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by Sailynn She ended the relationship. I was truly in love with her. I knew her issues and was fully aware of what I would and would not accept. I've had no contact since April 2004. I started other activities. Friends, working out, dancing, dating.... I'm making new friends, male and female. She started showing up at my health club in July. When our paths crossed in the hallway, she averted her gaze downward. I was indifferent to her appearance and had no reaction whatsoever. On a couple of occasions, I gave a Hello. I'd do that for any dog. Yet, I walked on. I'm not chasing her, at all. A few weeks ago, I wrote her a letter. My first contact since April. I expressed regrets of the ending and regret that we couldn't, at least, exchange an adult hand shake. Writing the letter was probably more about letting go for me. I anticipated no reaction from this letter. Maybe, I wondered if there was a what if. Her reply to my letter came this week and I was surprised. I would like to talk to her, but have no qualms of when, or if it ever occurs. I have no expectations. I am anticipating nothing. However, I know that I cannot un-love her. I will always love her. On the other hand, I am extremely confident in moving on with my life and living my life and have been doing that. Sailing, vacations, concerts, friends, parties, etc. So, I don't consider my self needy and desparate. I feel proud and I learned that I am confident enough to say anything I need to her or anyone and I'm willing to love again. I'm old enough to know that if our relationship reopens and presents itself as an option to pursue, I'll decide what to do about it if that opportunity comes. Meanwhile, I don't anticipate that opportunity, nor am I living my life counting on it ever happening. AHHH...that explains a lot more. NOW I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. Sailynn, it is time to move on. Forget about this woman and don't even talk with her ever again. It will open some sore wounds for you and even rub salt into them. She has moved on and I think from what you wrote above that the chances of her coming back are close to zero %. There are many fish in the sea, you man. Go get yourself a fishing pole!
tokyo Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Don´t listen to him, do what you think is right, period. (Do what *I* say )
Soulfully Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Hey Sailynn, I think u've got the right idea on how to go about this, as in, your life and love. Take it easy, non-chalant, show that your life is good and positive with her or without her. I feel that that's how it is for you right now, so that's positive. I see where alpha male is coming from... it does seem that people tend to play games... whether they intentionally want to or not is a different question. And I do see that many relationships do tend to go through power struggles, as in, who is in control now, etc.... That is all very common, I see most couples go through this throughout their lives, and have experienced this many times before. No couple is perfect, and power struggles are inevitable, yet the key is to maintain a healthy balance and attitude. I think the most important thing is not about who has control over the other, who's ball is in who's court etc... I believe it all starts from having self-control... control yourself, ur emotions, think through things carefully, and peacefully reach a conclusion where you know things will be ok. Its like trying to relieve those emotional urges and anxieties by closing your eyes, breathing deeply etc... U love her for her, not for you right? then u will understand that people deal with things differently, and possibly patience, time and nurture will bring her back not only because U want her to...but because SHE wants to... u both want to. Emotional maturity, commitment, "true" love... all this takes time, some more than others...that's just the way life is. Peace and good luck... u seem to be doing well!
Author Sailynn Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Simply, my love is for her. True and genuine. The kind of love that can hope for her or let her go. My letter opened the door. Regardless whether she is doing the horizontal bop with someone else or not, she cracked open the door by asking me to talk. She didn't have to suggest that. She could have not answered at all, or told me she is with someone else. I realize that SHE has to want to and has summoned up the courage to become open again and maybe even make herself vulnerable. She suffered some abuse issues and I', sure tham affects her.
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