mtnbiker3000 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Do a search on here for a post by TaraMaiden describing "Snowballing". It will shed some light on what is happening to you during these panic attacks. And how to limit the effect.
Author Gra Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Yet again, thank you everyone. Today was a bad bad day! I had a full fledged panic attach which I have never felt before in my life. Unfortunately I was driving on I-95 at the time (for those who don't know that's a huge highway that runs the entire east coast of the US - the section I was on in South Florida is 5 lanes). So needless to say that was horrendous. Luckily and honestly, I don't know how, I got off at my mums exit and got to her house where I proceeded to hyperventilate and have a huge meltdown. Thank god for my mother She went through a horrific breakup with my dad a long time ago but she understands the feelings. I managed to get myself together and get back to work but driving home the tears just wouldn't stop. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I may never see the man I love again. We last spoke on Monday and he made some interesting comments about how wonderful my family is and he doesn't know how to handle that. He also made comments about my career (I"m a Ph.D. college prof) and how he will always just be what he is (he's in the construction business). I can honestly say the thought of him not being good enough for me NEVER crossed my mind but obviously from his comments, it has crossed his. His last words to me on Monday were "I love you, bye". I know he's obviously going through his own issues. He sees a therapist himself. So I'm keeping my NC for now because I truly believe he has somethings to figure out about himself. Perhaps the nc will be forever, although that's soul destroying to think about but we'll see. I have never felt like this before.
Author Gra Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 Hi all, I had been doing ok the last few days. I broke NC and sent an email just purging all my feelings. I know many of you are going to tell me that I shouldn't have done that but I did and it actually felt pretty good. That was Friday. He emailed me back saying he got it but he was at work and would respond after reading it. I've heard nothing since, which is ok. So yesterday, I was actually ok. Sad but ok. I went to bed last night and then it all went wrong. I woke up so many times, each time thinking about him and how I don't have him anymore. The last time I fell asleep, I had a nightmare about him being with someone else. I woke up so anxiety filled and in pain. I know that it's just a dream but it has made my day really really sad. I miss him so much. 2
Minneloa Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I'm sorry that you are hurting. The problem with breaking NC is that often after the initial rush and release, there is emotional backlash. It's a paradox, because we are in pain and want to reach out to the person who used to comfort us, except now that person is the source of the pain. Sending good thoughts, M. 1
JoelBarish Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Hi all, I had been doing ok the last few days. I broke NC and sent an email just purging all my feelings. I know many of you are going to tell me that I shouldn't have done that but I did and it actually felt pretty good. That was Friday. He emailed me back saying he got it but he was at work and would respond after reading it. I've heard nothing since, which is ok. So yesterday, I was actually ok. Sad but ok. I went to bed last night and then it all went wrong. I woke up so many times, each time thinking about him and how I don't have him anymore. The last time I fell asleep, I had a nightmare about him being with someone else. I woke up so anxiety filled and in pain. I know that it's just a dream but it has made my day really really sad. I miss him so much. Like the previous poster said, there is the immediate "rush" of letting out your feelings to the ex. However, as time goes by and your ex is once again unresponsive, the pain of rejection comes back. At least you now know that breaking NC is ineffective. Remember that
Author Gra Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 I guess you're right. I know, I know. I should've listened. I just can't get over the overwhelming sadness. The memories keep creeping in. I feel like nothing is ever going to be ok again. I'm going to be 36 years old soon. I thought I had finally found my partner in crime. He told me he had too. I'm just feeling very hopeless and alone. And over-the-hill.
JDPT Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I'm 31 years old and I too feel like you. I thought I finally found the person who really understood me. However, the more I analyze I see how incompatible we were. She was 9 years older than me, kids, husband around. I was always subliminally second on the list which I put up with for 4 years. Albeit these reasons there is still feelings, missing her here and there as I was dumped roughly 4 months ago. However, I can honestly say that I'm a bit better now as so will you in time. We will make it out of this. My day today isn't the greatest either.
JoelBarish Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 (edited) I'm going to be 36 years old soon. I thought I had finally found my partner in crime. He told me he had too. I'm just feeling very hopeless and alone. And over-the-hill. Believe me, you still have plenty of crime left commit. Edited September 22, 2013 by JoelBarish
Nancy87 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Hi all, I had been doing ok the last few days. I broke NC and sent an email just purging all my feelings. I know many of you are going to tell me that I shouldn't have done that but I did and it actually felt pretty good. That was Friday. He emailed me back saying he got it but he was at work and would respond after reading it. I've heard nothing since, which is ok. So yesterday, I was actually ok. Sad but ok. I went to bed last night and then it all went wrong. I woke up so many times, each time thinking about him and how I don't have him anymore. The last time I fell asleep, I had a nightmare about him being with someone else. I woke up so anxiety filled and in pain. I know that it's just a dream but it has made my day really really sad. I miss him so much. WOW! so it happens with Everybody! I got so many dreams myself that my ex is smooching someone else, watching a game with an unknown girl etc etc.. So i guess this is normal.. Dreams are dreams after all. thoughts projected into vision, but of a sleeping body. funny!
stormer1092 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 WOW! so it happens with Everybody! I got so many dreams myself that my ex is smooching someone else, watching a game with an unknown girl etc etc.. So i guess this is normal.. Dreams are dreams after all. thoughts projected into vision, but of a sleeping body. funny! I believe dreams can be a powerful tool to help you understand your feelings.
BC1980 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I guess you're right. I know, I know. I should've listened. I just can't get over the overwhelming sadness. The memories keep creeping in. I feel like nothing is ever going to be ok again. I'm going to be 36 years old soon. I thought I had finally found my partner in crime. He told me he had too. I'm just feeling very hopeless and alone. And over-the-hill. I feel the same way. I'm 32 and thought I had found the guy I was going to marry. Was with him for 3 years. Now I just feel numb. I've been in NC for a month, but it still hurts so much. 1
seekingpeaceinlove Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Gra, you're smack dab in the worst part of the grieving process. I broke down many moments in the first 3 weeks after the BU. There were many phone calls to my best friend and sister sobbing and rehashing the relationship. I'm 32 and most all of my friends are married with children. I struggle with comparing myself to them and wondering what the hell I'm doing wrong. What's worse is that I'm in the party business where I get to help folks with their engagement parties and weddings... etc. There is a saying that, "comparison breeds fear." So true. Bottom line, we're all going through our own unique journey in life and no one can tell you what's right or wrong. One of the most profound concepts that I learned here on LS is that NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS. Those seemingly happy married couples that you see may be struggling behind closed doors. Your single aunt who many feel sorry for because she's alone may be perfectly content with her life and choosing not to get married or have kids. Your ex may be battling himself, suffering over this break up...or maybe he's just fine. All you know right now is that your life has suddenly changed course. All you know is that the relationship you were so invested in is now over. All you know is the person you once loved no longer wants to be with you. You have to accept these things. You also know what kind of person you are and that you're capable of loving someone with everything you have. Hold on to that. Allow yourself to grieve for a while, lean heavily on friends and family until you can stand on your own again. Then.... let go. Completely. You have no choice. Once you do, you will truly begin to heal and in time be happy again. Don't look so far ahead and try not to look back too much. Focus on the present and how to be ok in the moment, day by day, even hour by hour. I feel for you and am sending you warm thoughts.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 BTW: YOU are SO NOT "over-the-hill!" You are only as old as you feel! When you're ready, reclaim your youth by doing something that excites you and makes you light up again. You will get there!
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