love1336x Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I am going base on my friends, and their relationships! There boyfriend/girlfriend can be physically, verbally abusive! My friends can break up with them, but somehow these people can worm their way back into their hearts and back into the relationship!! My ex, his girlfriend cheated on him, use him for rides, drained his bank accounts, and aborted his child... and yet he gave her 2nd chance into his heart! I think to myself... I am 23, funny, sweet, and caring yet my exes wouldn't give me the time or day! I am over all my exes expect for one. I am not HALF the monster my friends have dated. SO WHAT THE HELL GIVES? How do these wicked bad people get 2nd chances?
cq21 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 It's funny you mention this. I know plenty of guys, including myself, who wonder this same exact thing. Please, if you find the answer to this, let me know! I've been trying to figure it out for as long as I could remember. Maybe nice guys/girls finish last? Or just start off really slow, but win in the end? ha..
carhill Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 If someone is sufficiently attractive and/or charismatic, they'll invariably get many 'second chances' in life. Additionally, it's quite easy for them to replace one person with another. It becomes a lifestyle if their id rules their superego and others enable such behaviors by validating them. It's one aspect of social 'popularity'. 1
CW_in_NOLA Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I am going base on my friends, and their relationships! There boyfriend/girlfriend can be physically, verbally abusive! My friends can break up with them, but somehow these people can worm their way back into their hearts and back into the relationship!! My ex, his girlfriend cheated on him, use him for rides, drained his bank accounts, and aborted his child... and yet he gave her 2nd chance into his heart! I think to myself... I am 23, funny, sweet, and caring yet my exes wouldn't give me the time or day! I am over all my exes expect for one. I am not HALF the monster my friends have dated. SO WHAT THE HELL GIVES? How do these wicked bad people get 2nd chances? This is just my opinion, of course, but I think it has more to do with the mates abusive people choose than the abuser him/herself. These people are vulnerable emotionally and an abuser chooses their "victims" based on the level of control they can exert. That sense of learned dependence on the abuser is a hallmark of that dynamic. If someone is beaten down enough, the familiarity of the abusive relationship paradoxically feels safer than the thought of being alone. Thus they go back over and over. Once someone realizes that being treated well is a fundamental right in a relationship and they're able to break away and recognize abuse for what it is, someone "nice" becomes far far more appealing. Consequently, it's not about actual second chances or reconciliation. It's about a fundamental dysfunction. So it's a bit of an apples/oranges scenario. I can appreciate your frustration, though. I have had that same thought many times in my life. Taking a closer look at others in that situation (and myself!) it's not too hard to see what's really happening. Situations like that are nothing to admire. 4
lylat333 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 What a great post, CW_in_NOLA. love1336x, don't even worry about these other people or consider trying to take any pages out of their book. Women who want some bad boy won't be attracted to the genuinely nice guys because that's not how they operate. Unhealthy male/female partners are magnets for dysfunction. I was talking with my cousin one day about relationships. She is married to an abusive guy she doesn't love and they have a kid together. She's afraid to leave him because of what he might do. She went so far as to tell me she wouldn't feel comfortable dating a nice guy because she doesn't feel like she deserves it... it's so sad. I support her and try to encourage her to expect better but only they can change themselves. There are intelligent, attractive women who are completely turned off by the testosterone-fueled bad boy and no one needs to be "that guy" to win them over. Same way a bookish woman does not need to pile on makeup or wear high heels to win a guy over, women go through the same thing. Rare as they may be, there's every kind of partner out there, you just have to find them. 1 is all that matters, forget the sea of dysfunction. 2
Author love1336x Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 It's funny you mention this. I know plenty of guys, including myself, who wonder this same exact thing. Please, if you find the answer to this, let me know! I've been trying to figure it out for as long as I could remember. Maybe nice guys/girls finish last? Or just start off really slow, but win in the end? ha.. Well me and my friend talked about it. He tells me it's the bond that my friends and their boyfriends/girlfriends have created. My friends are in love with that feeling, and want that perfect relationship...
Author love1336x Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 What a great post, CW_in_NOLA. love1336x, don't even worry about these other people or consider trying to take any pages out of their book. Women who want some bad boy won't be attracted to the genuinely nice guys because that's not how they operate. Unhealthy male/female partners are magnets for dysfunction. I was talking with my cousin one day about relationships. She is married to an abusive guy she doesn't love and they have a kid together. She's afraid to leave him because of what he might do. She went so far as to tell me she wouldn't feel comfortable dating a nice guy because she doesn't feel like she deserves it... it's so sad. I support her and try to encourage her to expect better but only they can change themselves. There are intelligent, attractive women who are completely turned off by the testosterone-fueled bad boy and no one needs to be "that guy" to win them over. Same way a bookish woman does not need to pile on makeup or wear high heels to win a guy over, women go through the same thing. Rare as they may be, there's every kind of partner out there, you just have to find them. 1 is all that matters, forget the sea of dysfunction. This is true. My friend knew a girl who is a social worker! Helping women who are in abusive relationships! YET her own man HITS her!!!!!! It's so confusing!!! LIKE WHYYYY?? She's smart! Has her own place! Yet is with a monster because she feels she cannot do better!
Misfortune Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 This is true. My friend knew a girl who is a social worker! Helping women who are in abusive relationships! YET her own man HITS her!!!!!! It's so confusing!!! LIKE WHYYYY?? She's smart! Has her own place! Yet is with a monster because she feels she cannot do better! It's always interesting to see people not practicing what they preach. I know someone that's a drug abuse counselor, she's with a drug addict and she's doing drugs. Funny stuff. 1
Author love1336x Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 It's always interesting to see people not practicing what they preach. I know someone that's a drug abuse counselor, she's with a drug addict and she's doing drugs. Funny stuff. ARE YOU SERIOUS? This world is a funny place...
Misfortune Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 ARE YOU SERIOUS? This world is a funny place... Yea, ex found her "soulmate" in one of her female clients.
tart6245 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I wish I had that skill. I wish I could somehow gain forgiveness after I got angry at a girl friend of mine, said some bad things, etc... I need to figure out how to get her to talk to me again
Author love1336x Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 I wish I had that skill. I wish I could somehow gain forgiveness after I got angry at a girl friend of mine, said some bad things, etc... I need to figure out how to get her to talk to me again That one is simple leave her alone. If she cares enough she will come back. they always do.
tart6245 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 That one is simple leave her alone. If she cares enough she will come back. they always do. Yeah, I don't think this one does...
Author love1336x Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Yeah, I don't think this one does... Lol. Well people can stay angry and bitter for a long time. It all depends how her heart function.
keepontruckin Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 That one is simple leave her alone. If she cares enough she will come back. they always do. Um, no... They typically do not come back.
sniperz Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Um, no... They typically do not come back. Alpha males or changes might bring them back. But there's no guarantee. And then, you could lived way better I believed.
Author love1336x Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Um, no... They typically do not come back. Eh, females will tend be more tender hearted and come back. I know all my exes, dumpers. Have always, always made contact with me and tried to get something from me. Whether sex, or friendship but they technically do come back. And for this dude situation if they are friends, and she CARES about him. Then I don't see why shouldn't wouldn't come back. Not everyone holds angry until the end of time, also I don't know his full story, and what exactly he did to her, but on less he murdered somebody she cared about, stole, or slept with somebody he wasn't suppose too. I really don't see why she wouldn't on less she really never did care. 1
na49 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Getting back together isn't as "rare" as everyone here makes it sound. Staying together is what takes work. Once the dust settles and it's an actual relationship and not just two overly emotional people. 1
Author love1336x Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 Getting back together isn't as "rare" as everyone here makes it sound. Staying together is what takes work. Once the dust settles and it's an actual relationship and not just two overly emotional people. Well from what I seen from my friends and even my own mom. Getting back together isn't rare at all.
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