Trying to win her back

[Mariposa10]

How long were you together? How long has it been since you two have been broken up? Why the breakup? Has she initiated any contact at all? Is she worth it? What do you want out of this?

[rogersm]

How long were you together? How long has it been since you two have been broken up? Why the breakup? Has she initiated any contact at all? Is she worth it? What do you want out of this?

 

We dated for just about 10 months. Good friends from work prior to dating and she kinda forced me into asking her out. I was taking it slow and just wanted to graduate before jumping into a relationship. Graduated and I gave in. We broke up about 7 months ago now. Pretty much to the day. We broke up because of a couple issues. A lot of which were on me. I didnt do enough to make her feel like I wanted her. I never made "a move". First real relationship. And I didnt know how to go about it. I didnt invite her over to meet my parents as well. She got mad at that. She said she felt like we werent going anywhere. All stuff I can fix. Last part I believe is just communication. We didnt talk nearly enough about our issues. We texted a lot because she was away at school for probably about half of the time we were togethor. I had nothing but trust for her. But we didnt talk nearly enough ont he phone. or visit each other. Just doesnt work out great in a LTR. She has initiated contact a good amount of times. We talked somewhat about getting back togethor this summer but she had interest in other guys as well and I didnt want to be a second choice. I really believe like it was too close to the breakup though anyway. Now we are 7 months apart and I really feel like I see the breakup as more than just a blame game. I feel like she is worth it. But, then again you can probably tell that. I want a relationship that is better than our last. That both of us can be happy with. I want to show her that I can be the man she is looking for

[rogersm]

I really should have listened to everybody on here. Long story short we never met up on Friday. She got really cold after a couple days and by Thursday we had stopped talking. Friday came and I texted her to see what time she wanted to pick me up....and she told me something had come up.

 

I am done with her now. Deleted her number from my phone. Blocked her so she couldn't follow me on twitter and instagram. Canceled on me 5 or 6 times since we broke up and I just keep believing its gonna happen. I refuse to just be a part of her game.

[Mariposa10]

If I've learned anything on this forum is that sadly there are patterns in relationships...

 

Now, you've done all you could do. It's time to move on and heal. There's no need to feel bad about agreeing. Just learn from it.

 

 

I really should have listened to everybody on here. Long story short we never met up on Friday. She got really cold after a couple days and by Thursday we had stopped talking. Friday came and I texted her to see what time she wanted to pick me up....and she told me something had come up.

 

I am done with her now. Deleted her number from my phone. Blocked her so she couldn't follow me on twitter and instagram. Canceled on me 5 or 6 times since we broke up and I just keep believing its gonna happen. I refuse to just be a part of her game.

[rogersm]

If I've learned anything on this forum is that sadly there are patterns in relationships...

 

Now, you've done all you could do. It's time to move on and heal. There's no need to feel bad about agreeing. Just learn from it.

 

Yea there definitely are. I think like a lot of people here...we think our relationship will be different. But, it rarely is.

 

I wished I would have just gave up a while ago. Really feeling like she doesn't deserve me anyway. She acts like a child. And honestly it is getting really old...really quick

[Mariposa10]

There's no need to regret anything. What matters now is what you're gonna do to heal now. You need to be selfish now. She might contact you again to get an ego boost, so be careful. Block her if you think you won't be able to say no.

 

Start spending time with friends and family. It helps.

 

 

Yea there definitely are. I think like a lot of people here...we think our relationship will be different. But, it rarely is.

 

I wished I would have just gave up a while ago. Really feeling like she doesn't deserve me anyway. She acts like a child. And honestly it is getting really old...really quick

[thora-tiki]

I am so sorry to hear this, buddy, I am not surprised, but I think you needed this,

like someone on here said: to jolt you back to reality.

 

I know twitter and instagram seem like the most important thing to block the ex from,

but really, I personally believe, texting is the fu*king devil in this.

 

Block her ass from ever texting you.

 

My phone company have something called a bully filter, so when the ex/bully text you,

the ex/bully gets a text back with a warning.

 

Maybe look into that when you have the time, I found it on their website (Norwegian),

and you can manage it just by a click.

 

You never hear or get (to read) the text the ex/bully sends, I don't think anybody reads it,

I think it just «poofs» away, so you don't have to worry about that.

The phone company does all the work, only thing you do is:

click to have her blocked from texting you or click to have her unblocked from texting you.

 

It also gives you control over what seems like a hopeless situation.

 

+ This way you can concentrate on evolving.

 

I like the blocking with a warning, shows the ex/bully that you are not playing games, you mean business,

and she will get a warning (from the phone company) every time she disrespects your no contact.

 

Or maybe your fancy phone has an app that is similar?

 

This way, you don't need to post every time she texts you.

 

And remember:

It doesn't matter what your ex-hole says or thinks or does, you are in control.

 

Focus on you.

Maybe read this thread again (in a few days), hopefully you'll see what gems

you are actually being given by the other forum members.

Who knows if she'll come back? If she'll text again? If you even need the bully filter?

It doesn't really matter at this point.

 

You need to work on yourself, your issues.

 

She needs to work on her sh*t as well, but I really don't give a fu*k about her, I care about you.

 

Anyone that thinks they can get through this kind of sh*t without absolutely putting themselves

first and above everything, and not giving two sh*ts about their ex, is deluding themselves.

No compromising. All or nothing!

 

The biggest part (90 % - in my mind) of no contact is getting your life back and letting go of the old failed relationship.

 

If you keep that in mind, that right now you are letting go of the old failed relationship and getting your life back,

I think it will quiet the voices that are causing you pain.

 

Whenever we stop focusing on our evolution and jump back into our exes life,

then no one is tending to ours and the ruminating and obsessing begins

and creates all kinds of havoc and emotional turmoil for us.

Stop making the same mistakes over and over.

 

Your ex-hole has made a lot of mistakes - you can't change her -

but the great thing is that you can work on you.

 

Yes, sounds exiting, right!

 

- Exercising,

- start journaling, (When you write down your feelings and fears,

you give yourself permission to let them go. Rather than causing you to dwell on the negative,

writing down negative feelings gives you clarity about what’s really

bothering you and helps you to move on.)

- reading,

- talking on the phone with friends/family you haven't talked to in a while,

- go see a play, movie

- clean out your closet, apartment, etc.

- support other forum members,

- hang out with/and have fun with supportive friends and family,

- make new friends,

- drink enough water (How much is enough?

Water: How much should you drink every day? - MayoClinic.com

- Start taking some Omega 3, it is cheap and it is a great mood stabilisers. So are nuts.

- Etc.

 

You just need to sit back, watch, and relax.

Everything will work out in the end.

 

One thing I have come to realise is that you don't absolutely need your ex-hole in order to live your life.

Because you are not doing anything wrong, and you are not here to change anyone's mind,

the only thing you are here to change is your situation, from sad to happy, from incapable to capable.

 

What do you like to do, or have always wanted to pursue, that you haven't before?

Let us know what you are doing and plan to do to concentrate on you.

[rogersm]

Thanks Tiki. I did need it. As tough as it is to say. I owe it to myself to find soembody that respects me and doesnt choose to play mindgames. I will look into that texting app...especially with christmas coming up. Really feel like I could get a text from her in the next couple days.

 

I just need to focus on myself and find somebody else. I have been putting my love life on hold hoping she came back to me. But I need to give other people a chance.

[rogersm]

Update: I figure I will turn this into and update thing. I still need help from everybody. No question about that. Plus it really helps to be able to write everything out. Even if nobody reads it. I will do my best to keep it to a once a week thing,

 

It has been a week since I deleted her number and tried to go no contact full on. Some success with it. Saw her once when I went xmas shopping at her place of work and I just ignored her. I dont know if she saw me and I really didnt care.

 

Also, got a text from her on xmas morning wishing me a merry christmas. I debated whether I should reply. Finally I decided to go ahead and wish her one as well three hours later. Then afterwards I deleted all of the texts.

 

Besides all of that I was good. Still miss her a lot. But, it is what it is. I'm committed to getting through this. I think the hardest part has been remembering what happened last year at this time. Like a year ago today I took her out for our 6 month anniversary. Not a huge thing but it meant a lot to her because it was the longest relationship she ever had. I wondered a lot about whether she thought about it as well. But hwo knows.

[rogersm]

A little late this week with everything. Been a busy weekend. But, still going strong. today was the 16th day of NC. Been on a couple dating sites trying to find somebody new. Hopefully it works out for me. Things got a little tough for me the last couple days because my phone broke and I was forced to use my old one...which still had texts from my ex. I read them even though I know I should not have. Definitely made me miss her. Also, made me wonder what happened to us and her. She changed a lot. In one year too. Feels like she is a completely different person. Maybe it was me wanting her to be i dont know. But, I miss the girl I fell in love with. The girl that was my friend for a while before we started dating. That girl was the love of my life. But, now I dont know if I even want this girl in my life. She causes me nothing but pain now.

 

It is tough because I know she will contact me again. But, I want to make sure I am stronger than I was last time we talked. I am tired of her walking all over me. I don't know where the future will take me. But, I know things will work out.