Trying to win her back

[Simon Phoenix]

I went ahead and accepted her request to follow me on instagram. But noticed she still has me blocked. So now she can see my pics but I cant see hers. Weird. But I really dont care.

 

To PFE66, that sounds like a painful problem. I dont know how to handle that. If i had to see my ex everyday it would be tough. We used to work togethor but I quit a couple months before we broke up. Cant imagine what it is like for you. And yea definitely avoid the alcohol. Cant tell you how many times I was close to texting her in those situations.

 

Well that was a dumb thing to do.

[rogersm]

I know probably not the best idea. I dont think it is a big deal though. She still follows me on fbook and twitter. So its not like she doesnt know what I am doing anyway. I cant follow her so I have no idea what she is up to. Not in a position to want to know anyway. Im at the point now where we have been out of a relationship for so long that if she comes back ill be happy. If not then I just have to deal with it.

[rogersm]

I will be honest... I am not waiting for her to come back. I am more hoping that she does. I am actively looking for another girl but its just tough for me. I'm not a bad looking guy by any means. But I am short and shy. So it is hard for me to talk to girls. Sometimes I feel like if I dont get my ex back I might never find somebody else. It has been 5 months and I went on one date. Definitly an issue.

 

I havnt blocked her completely cause I am scared. Maybe we arent meant to be togethor. But I am 23 years old and she was my first girlfriend. So hopefully you guys see why I am struggling with this.

 

I look back and I definitely see her faults. But I see mine as well. Id be lying if I said I didnt think about her. Maybe I need to go to some kind of counseling. Cause I dont even know if she was that great of a girlfriend. I have nothing else to compare her too. Really feel like she wasnt since my friends all hated her and she really pushed me away toward the end. And continues to play mindgames with me. But I still love her and want her in my life because of how awesome the good times were.

 

Being away from everything now I can look back and kind of understand it all. I made so many mistakes. And she did too. I really wish I called her out on them instead of kissing up to her. That was my main problem. I was afraid to tak to her about her problems because I didnt want to hurt her and us. I didnt know how she would react. And she was the same way. I feel like that is the reason for the ending we had. We kind of just gave up. But there is still that feeling like I am missing the love of my life. I wish I could try again and try to fix everything we did wrong and be open with each other. Communication really is key in a relationship. I trusted her like nobody else I had in my lfe. But I was still afraid to ruin everything. We talked about that a couple times since we broke up. She said she wished she told me she was ready for sex. And that she wanted our relationship to progress. Most of our fights were through texts and that is something I hated. I wished I could just talk to her about everything. And that is soemthing I want to change in my next relationship. I learnedso much after the fact and with a girl that I legit have feelings for. I wish I knew this stuff beforehand

Edited October 20, 2013 by rogersm

[rogersm]

Thanks and I know you did. I am a lost cause I guess. This is why I just dont talk to her. Cause I know I will mess up and tell her all of my true feelings

[rogersm]

Hey guys. Quick update. Almost at 2 months no contact and just over 6 months since we broke up. It is tough still. But, I am making some headway. Everytime I want to reach out to her I stop myself and focus on something else. I know that I am not prepared for failure. Also realize that it might just be over. And if it is then I just need to wait for somebody else to enter my life.

 

One thing I have learned for sure is that begging is never best. I look back at the end of our relationship and I am not happy with what happened. I love my ex a lot. Still to this day. But, realize that she didnt want me in her life. So, I should have never begged her like I did. Also the begging put me in a place where I was upset and said stuff to her I wish I never did. If I would have just went NC from the beginning I would have never been put int he position I was a lot of the time. I was forcing her to reconcile when she was not ready. Then getting mad when she would back out of seeing me. I actually see now that I made mistakes. Probably a lot more than she did. And I would love the chance to fix them. But, if I never get it then I just need to learn and grow for the next girl

[hrtblds2ez]

Well my situation is somewhat similar, the only problem is I work with the girl. I HAVE NOT initiated contact with her, yet she is the one contacting me either phone call or text or daily which I am dry to her on the conversations and they dont even last 5 minutes tops. If I don't pick up her phone call I get a text saying why didnt I call her back. Or if I dont reply to her text messages she will send a couple more text messages. She on several occassions has told me she misses me but I really take it with a grain of salt. She will call me with something absurd to ask me. Unfortunately I can not do NC cause I work with her. We've had lunch together with other co workers but I play it off cool like if we never dated (which no one knows we dated) I am just basically taking it one day at a time. BTW drinking alcohol will not be your friend during the situation.

 

 

I feel you on this. I work with my ex. I still havent quite figured out how to be comfortable with that. Would be a lot easier if that wasn't the case. And no, drinking alcohol doesn't do a damn bit of good. Lesson learned about dating someone from work! How do you respond when she flirts at work? I mean is this a good thing?

[Minneloa]

Hey guys. Quick update. Almost at 2 months no contact and just over 6 months since we broke up. It is tough still. But, I am making some headway. Everytime I want to reach out to her I stop myself and focus on something else. I know that I am not prepared for failure. Also realize that it might just be over. And if it is then I just need to wait for somebody else to enter my life.

 

One thing I have learned for sure is that begging is never best. I look back at the end of our relationship and I am not happy with what happened. I love my ex a lot. Still to this day. But, realize that she didnt want me in her life. So, I should have never begged her like I did. Also the begging put me in a place where I was upset and said stuff to her I wish I never did. If I would have just went NC from the beginning I would have never been put int he position I was a lot of the time. I was forcing her to reconcile when she was not ready. Then getting mad when she would back out of seeing me. I actually see now that I made mistakes. Probably a lot more than she did. And I would love the chance to fix them. But, if I never get it then I just need to learn and grow for the next girl

 

Good work, rogersm! You are taking this opportunity to grow as a person, which is the best possible outcome of a painful loss. I'm happy for you!

[rogersm]

Well couple things going on right now for me. Saw my ex while she was working the other day ( Went in to visit my other friend...we all used to work togethor...and thought she was still at school so it was safe). I kept walking. Didnt look at her at all. So I dont know if she saw me.

 

My ex texted me for thanksgiving this morning. Pretty sure it was a mass text. She didnt say my name in it or anything. I respoded back and wished her a happy thanksgiving and that was it. Guess that was the end of my no contact but I felt bad not responding. Hopefully it doesnt set me back.

 

Also I have a date on Sunday with this girl I met online. Not sure I like here though so I might try and cancel it. Really doesnt seem like my type. unfortunately my ex is coming home from college in 2 weeks when she graduates. So hopefully I dont try and contact her/see her. I just need to keep showing restraint. Still thinkign about our relationship of course and I really want to talk to her about everything. Even if we dont get back togethor I think it would be good. But I know it might be too soon. Also I dont want to be weird and randomly text her to meet up. Random question...would you text her after she graduates? I want to congratulate her but I dont know if I should.

[Simon Phoenix]

I would say no to the congratulations.

[BC1980]

I know it's hard, but I think you are really missing her. Reaching out wont help you with that. You will text her, she will either not respond or respond coolly. So what's the point?

[Insomnium]

Just try to focus on yourself and slowly she will step out of your mind. Millions of people including me have gone through that. Every good memory with her is still there but that's it. Make new ones even with or without a woman!

[rogersm]

Feel like I have been set back again. My ex was texting me two nights ago. Just small talk about her job and how she had to work overnight on black friday. I was nice to her but then cut it off so I could go to bed.

 

I felt good about our conversation and thought like we were at least becoming friendly. So, I requested to follow her on twitter last night. She did not accept it. Kind of harsh since she follows me. I guess she can see what I am doing but I cant see hers. Obviously it bothers me. She does the same thing on instagram. SHe blocked me on there but then added me again a couple months ago. But, I cant add her back because I am still blocked.

[rogersm]

Also, I feel like I am just going to focus on myself right now. Just like you guys always say. I started to make some progress and now I am going back a bit. But, I know I can get back to where I was.

[rogersm]

Well I broke no contact and and texted my ex to say congrats on her graduation. And then it got confusing and weird. She replied "thanks babe!" like nothing ever happened between us. And we started talking and catching up. She said she missed me and was thinking about us getting back together again. She then asked me to hang out Friday so I agreed. We are meeting up for drinks. But, then she said she is seeing somebody and they are dying of stomach cancer. Which is super fishy to me. Her fbook says she is single. I have no idea what is going on. She seemed quick to change the subject after that which is really weird. Any ideas on what I should do?

[Mariposa10]

Well I broke no contact and and texted my ex to say congrats on her graduation. And then it got confusing and weird. She replied "thanks babe!" like nothing ever happened between us. And we started talking and catching up. She said she missed me and was thinking about us getting back together again. She then asked me to hang out Friday so I agreed. We are meeting up for drinks. But, then she said she is seeing somebody and they are dying of stomach cancer. Which is super fishy to me. Her fbook says she is single. I have no idea what is going on. She seemed quick to change the subject after that which is really weird. Any ideas on what I should do?

 

 

I just checked your history really quick, you have a thread about a second chance that goes back to July, what do you think has changed? If anything at all.

 

She shouldn't have called you "babe." She's already seeing someone. When the pig of my ex called me that, I asked him to respect me and not call me that.

 

What do you want to get out of this meeting, she's seeing someone already. Do you realize you're making her feel irresistible, feeding her ego, etc?

 

If you want more feedback, I would recommend you to give people a quick summary of your situation.

[stillafool]

I went no contact to move on. And in the end I havnt. That is why I am here. I want her back and I want to put myself through this because in the end I want her. I have went on dates with other girls. And they arent my ex. She is the girl I want.

 

It might seem like I am an idiot. And I probably am. But, I still feel liek there is something there. She isnt ignoring me for whatever reason. She could just be trying to be nice. But she could also be scared to tell me how much she misses me. I read a lot about how two people dont want to be hurt if there isnt interest from the other. Maybe this is one of those times

 

There is but one way to be done with this once and for all. Call her up and tell her you want her back and what is the chances of that happening. Once she tells you ya or na then move forward and don't look back. The way you are going about it now will drive you crazy. Find out if she wants you back or not and forget your pride. If she says no, please, please move on!!!

[rogersm]

Yea I asked why she called me babe and she said it just came out. And that she has been thinking about us getting back togethor. I dont want to get hurt. That is why I told her I miss her but we definitely need to talk before we rush into anything

 

To kind of get everybody up to speed she has played me a couple times since broke up.So I am treading carefully. I want her back but realize we cant rush into it. I really dont believe she is dating somebody else. Not really sure why she would say that. She has been at school for a couple months and we talked in july and she was single. Weird situation.Not really into the lying.

[Mariposa10]

Yea I asked why she called me babe and she said it just came out. And that she has been thinking about us getting back togethor. I dont want to get hurt. That is why I told her I miss her but we definitely need to talk before we rush into anything

 

To kind of get everybody up to speed she has played me a couple times since broke up.So I am treading carefully. I want her back but realize we cant rush into it. I really dont believe she is dating somebody else. Not really sure why she would say that. She has been at school for a couple months and we talked in july and she was single. Weird situation.Not really into the lying.

 

Why don't you believe she's dating someone?

 

My ex is seeing/dating someone and his FB says he's single. It says that because it's not serious.

[Never Again]

Why don't you believe she's dating someone?

 

My ex is seeing/dating someone and his FB says he's single. It says that because it's not serious.

 

Mariposa's got it right.

 

Just because she's seeing someone doesn't mean she's in a relationship. On top of that, Facebook isn't reliable.

 

My ex is also seeing someone right now, but it's not "facebook official".

 

Plus, if she's still reaching out to you and knows you check her FB, she's not going to throw anything up there that could possibly push you away.

[Simon Phoenix]

Round and round the merry-go-round goes, where it stops, nobody knows. Actually, we do -- she'll string you along then flake out on you and you'll be devastated again. But whatever, you seem intent on doing this the hard way.

[Mariposa10]

This situation has red flags all over... It's so weird that you texted her and she's like "I wanna get back together, let's hang out, BTW, just so you know, I'm also seeing someone at the moment."

 

If she really wanted to get back together, wouldn't she have texted you?

 

How are you feeling, OP. How long have you two been broken up?

[rogersm]

It is really weird. Thats why I am cautious. I dont know whats going on. She just got back from school so maybe that is why she waited. But Its not a great reason. Simon it does seems neverending. But I am going into this making sure its something I want to do. That is why I agreed to meet. So we can talk face to face about everything

[Simon Phoenix]

It is really weird. Thats why I am cautious. I dont know whats going on. She just got back from school so maybe that is why she waited. But Its not a great reason. Simon it does seems neverending. But I am going into this making sure its something I want to do. That is why I agreed to meet. So we can talk face to face about everything

 

You shouldn't have answered anything. All you've done is shown her that you are an easy mark, a pushover. Because you are. You didn't make her work for it or come correct at all -- she texts, you respond. She says to meet, you jump at it right away. I doubt she takes you seriously at all, because why would she? Any time she claps, you run over.

[rogersm]

Yea I see what you guys are seeing. I just wanted to reach out to her and let her know I still cared. She means a lot to me regardless of all this. I know she might screw me again though. Its a chance I have to take I guess. I want to talk to her regardless of whether we get back or not. I just have stuff I need to get off my chest. Im aware it makes me look weak though.

 

As for the mass text it was along the same lines. But, it didnt end up going anywhere anyway. We talked a bit later that night and that was it.

 

Like I said I am extremely cautious. She might cancel again. Might meet me and it goes nowhere I dont know. But I guess I just need to see what happens. I am definitely going to bring up this other guy. It is very low to talk with your ex when you are with somebody else...especially if this guy really does have cancer

[Simon Phoenix]

Yea I see what you guys are seeing. I just wanted to reach out to her and let her know I still cared. She means a lot to me regardless of all this. I know she might screw me again though. Its a chance I have to take I guess. I want to talk to her regardless of whether we get back or not. I just have stuff I need to get off my chest. Im aware it makes me look weak though.

 

As for the mass text it was along the same lines. But, it didnt end up going anywhere anyway. We talked a bit later that night and that was it.

 

Like I said I am extremely cautious. She might cancel again. Might meet me and it goes nowhere I dont know. But I guess I just need to see what happens. I am definitely going to bring up this other guy. It is very low to talk with your ex when you are with somebody else...especially if this guy really does have cancer

 

If you want to salvage any modicum of self-respect, cancel now. Say something came up. I mean, you are basically advertising that you are a wuss right now. Hell, it might make her take you seriously. You are way too easy and way too much of a spineless pushover.