Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Well yea I am here cause I am a dummy lol
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I am going to block her # and hopefully I can move on somehow. I just need to find a new girlfriend or somebody to take my mind off this girl.
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I am going to block her # and hopefully I can move on somehow. I just need to find a new girlfriend or somebody to take my mind off this girl. If you actually do this, rogersm, I will be so proud and happy that I will dance around my living room. :bunny:
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I joined the gym. Go everyother day. Hang out with my friends and people from work. Started studying for my masters exam...and here I am still caught up in my ex
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Thanks Minneloa. I will do it tonight. And I will update you guys every once a in while so you know what I am up to. Hopefully I dont relapse again
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 If you actually do this, rogersm, I will be so proud and happy that I will dance around my living room. :bunny: Block her, that is.
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Thanks Minneloa. I will do it tonight. And I will update you guys every once a in while so you know what I am up to. Hopefully I dont relapse again I know it is very hard to believe that you will recover from this right now, but you can, and you will. It just takes DETERMINATION on your part. You have to DECIDE that you want your life back, and then you have to make it your priority to move forward. (I am, of course, also talking to myself here lol) M.
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 It is hard to believe. Because I have made her my life. I think about her nonstop :/ But I also see that she needs to do more that what she is if she wants me back. We talked a little about getting back togethor a couple moths ago and she didnt put the effort in. So, I told her that it wasnt going to work. But yet I still chase her
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 It is hard to believe. Because I have made her my life. I think about her nonstop :/ But I also see that she needs to do more that what she is if she wants me back. We talked a little about getting back togethor a couple moths ago and she didnt put the effort in. So, I told her that it wasnt going to work. But yet I still chase her Making her your life and thinking about her nonstop are choices, and they can be changed. It seems like your current way of doing things is making you miserable, so it's a good time to try a new approach and new habits. Fundamentally, this isn't about her or whether or not she ever comes back. This is about taking care of yourself and not allowing your happiness to be dependent on another person. M.
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 It is making me miserable unfortunatly. I know it isnt about her. But I still care a lot about her. I guess more than I care about myself and my well being :/
Author rogersm Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Just wanted to post an update of sorts. Havnt talked to her since the 15th. So 9 days in counting now. Its really tough. But I am committed to keeping no contact as long as I can. Cant beleive that we broke up over 4 months ago and I still have feelings of depression sometimes. Especially after stuff happens in my life...y dog passing and my job starting to suck. She was always there to help me with stuff and now she isnt. But I guess that is part of being single and starting to be self dependent
Minneloa Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Just wanted to post an update of sorts. Havnt talked to her since the 15th. So 9 days in counting now. Its really tough. But I am committed to keeping no contact as long as I can. Cant beleive that we broke up over 4 months ago and I still have feelings of depression sometimes. Especially after stuff happens in my life...y dog passing and my job starting to suck. She was always there to help me with stuff and now she isnt. But I guess that is part of being single and starting to be self dependent Good start, rogersm! Of course you are struggling; it's early days. I won't lie to you, it's probably going to get more difficult as you continue to wean yourself away from the relationship. So, you need to have a plan to supplement your NC with activities that keep you engaged and distracted, even if it's just watching a movie with a friend, calling a family member, or sitting in a coffee shop. As much as humanly possible, try not to isolate at this time. It will be tempting, but you have to anticipate and resist the urge to stay in your house and wallow. Trust me, I speak from experience! Make a list of things you like to do and try to pick one each day. Any excuse to leave the house and interact with human beings is especially helpful. Sending good thoughts! M. 1
Author rogersm Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 I am trying. I keep going to the gym hoping to ease the stress. Worked really well today. It definitely is better not to know wht she is up to. I wonder sometimes, but know that whatever she is doing... I wont know so it cant hurt me. So that is something that helps. I am afraid to contact her and be rejected again. So I guess I decided that no contact is the best option until I dont feel that way.
Author rogersm Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 Question for everybody...I have been feeling lately like I made a lot of mistakes with my ex and I wish I could fix them. I dont believe our relationship ended because we didnt love each other or want the other. But because of a mixture of things that I know we could have fixed ( I was afraid to make a move on her because I didnt want to mess up what we had...first relationship for me. She grew tired of waiting and dropping hints and it became too much for her, Also a lack of communication. She wanted to have sex and take our relationship to the next level which I didnt know). It is problems on both sides and I see that now. I dont want to make it seem like I take all of the blame cause I dont. But I kinda feel like I want another chance so I could see what could be fixing all of the problems we had. I know its not my choice though. I would never contact her and tell her all this. But I just want to see how everybody else treats this way of thinking. I try to be honest with myself. And see the issues that I have....a little late in this case What is the best way to make these feelings subside I guess? Cause it really is a terrible feeling.
thora-tiki Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 The heading of this thread, made me think of the film Swingers: Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her? Rob: You don't call. Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her. Rob: Right. Mike: So I don't call either way? Rob: Right. Mike: So what's the difference? Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back. Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her? Rob: Right. Mike: Well that sucks. Rob: Yeah, it sucks. Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her? Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite. Mike: What do you mean? Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her. Mike: Well what if she comes back first? Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget. Mike: There's the rub. Rob: There's the rub. Hang in there, rogersm! And welcome to your evolution. 7
Author rogersm Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Thanks this pretty much sums everything up for me. I wish I knew how to forget though lol. Im at the point now where I have no urge to contact her. Which I guess is good. But I also think about her 24.7 still
aqualove26 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I got you guys. Like I said I could just be reading this all wrong. I just dont want to lose her. I dont know if the letter is the right way to do things. I have thought about it. But I dont want to hide behind a letter. Part of the reason why I turned her down to hang out is because I know I cant be friends with her. I need more than that. But I need to stop reading into everything. I really do overthink stuff. I feel so bad about our relationship because I know it could have been better. It was my first. And I didnt give 100% because I just didnt know what to do. So i really want another chance with her to see what could have been now that I have grown.But it is to the point now where I need to move on I guess It's insane how similar our situations are, I've read thru all your posts ... It's so hard to just give up on someone that you thought would be the apple of your eye. It sucks, more than I ever imagined it could. I don't want to give you corny advice, or tell you something I wouldn't do myself. But in all reality, it's good to try/fight for something you want, but if you do and the outcome is still nothing, then that's your answer right there to stop. And it's crazy how they say never give up on anything. Except ciggs, drinking, ex's and such. Haha..but sometimes, in situations like these, that's literally the only thing you can do. If you don't, you'll only drive yourself insane. Once you accept it and let go, do things for yourself and at least pretend to move on until you fully have, you might even find that she comes back to you when you least expect it, and then the ball will be in your court. But the best thing you can do NOW is stop texting her so much. I would text her first once every other day, and then see if on the days you don't text her, she'll text you..and if she does, that's a sign she's thinking of you/missing you. From there, after about trying that out for like a week or 2, try being a little straight forward with her, that's the only way to get the answer you want is to lay it on the table. Ask her whatever questions are floating through your mind about her in the moment, because only she can answer that, not us. Then from there, if you get the answers you've been looking for, explain to her that you don't want her to take advantage of the fact that you're vulnerable and wanting her, you want her to realize that you're only doing this for her and the sake of your relationship...explain how you feel to her!! If she loves you and is understanding, you guys will come to a conclusion about things that you both will have to respect. And honestly, give it time. I'm such an impatient person so it's hard to say those words, but time tells all. It truly does...to make the time pass, just do things to make yourself happy, to make yourself fall in love with you.
Minneloa Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Hi Rogersm, I know it's painful and difficult, but just keep the NC course! It WILL get better, especially if you stay busy and distracted. Sending good thoughts! M.
Author rogersm Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Thanks guys. I havnt talked to her since so I am still going strong. She is trying to add me on instagram... a couple momths after she blocked me. I havnt responded yet. Kinda deciding what I should do. But, otherwise I am doing what I can to stay busy and not think of her. This site definitely helps. I have been thinking a lot about how they seem to come back when you finally move on and it seems like it is true. My coworker broke up with his girlfriend the same weekend as me. He tried everything to get her back. And now months later after he stopped talking to her she texts him to hang out. No contact does have its benefits it seems like
Simon Phoenix Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Thanks guys. I havnt talked to her since so I am still going strong. She is trying to add me on instagram... a couple momths after she blocked me. I havnt responded yet. Kinda deciding what I should do. But, otherwise I am doing what I can to stay busy and not think of her. This site definitely helps. I have been thinking a lot about how they seem to come back when you finally move on and it seems like it is true. My coworker broke up with his girlfriend the same weekend as me. He tried everything to get her back. And now months later after he stopped talking to her she texts him to hang out. No contact does have its benefits it seems like Don't add her. That's breaking NC. 2
Author rogersm Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 I am thinking about accepting her request but not adding her myself. That way it doesnt look like I care either way. If I decline it I will look bad I feel like. When I unfollowed her on tiwtter she started a fight even though I know its not a big deal
Simon Phoenix Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I am thinking about accepting her request but not adding her myself. That way it doesnt look like I care either way. If I decline it I will look bad I feel like. When I unfollowed her on tiwtter she started a fight even though I know its not a big deal You are overthinking it. Don't do it. Who cares what she thinks? She lost all say when she broke up with you. 1
pfe66 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Well my situation is somewhat similar, the only problem is I work with the girl. I HAVE NOT initiated contact with her, yet she is the one contacting me either phone call or text or daily which I am dry to her on the conversations and they dont even last 5 minutes tops. If I don't pick up her phone call I get a text saying why didnt I call her back. Or if I dont reply to her text messages she will send a couple more text messages. She on several occassions has told me she misses me but I really take it with a grain of salt. She will call me with something absurd to ask me. Unfortunately I can not do NC cause I work with her. We've had lunch together with other co workers but I play it off cool like if we never dated (which no one knows we dated) I am just basically taking it one day at a time. BTW drinking alcohol will not be your friend during the situation.
Author rogersm Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 I went ahead and accepted her request to follow me on instagram. But noticed she still has me blocked. So now she can see my pics but I cant see hers. Weird. But I really dont care. To PFE66, that sounds like a painful problem. I dont know how to handle that. If i had to see my ex everyday it would be tough. We used to work togethor but I quit a couple months before we broke up. Cant imagine what it is like for you. And yea definitely avoid the alcohol. Cant tell you how many times I was close to texting her in those situations.
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