rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Well it has been a while since I have posted on here. Just want to bring you up to speed on what is going on. You guys can read my past posts and see most of it. So, I will spare you a lot of the details. But, we went over a month without talking. I gave up trying and waited for her to get in touch with me. And it happened this weekend. She texted me friday after seeing on twitter that my dog had passed. We talked about that for a little bit and I asked her how she was doing in school. Later that day she asked me to hang out with her and her sister. They were going out to celebrate her birthday. I told her no because it would be awkward not being alone with her. She seemed ok with that answer. But I kind of feel like I should have went. It means a lot that she would ask me to hang out with her when she is celebrating her birthday. Sunday I texted her to wish her a happy birthday and asked her how the bars were on friday night. We talked a little. But, then the conversation just ended. Seems to always be that way. I dont feel as if my ex doesnt miss me. She doesnt act like she doesnt want to talk. But we never talk long enough to tell. I just want to know how I can take this a little further. I dont want to flat out say I want another chance. But I also want to test her and see if there is a chance. Should I just keep texting her endlessly to see if the conversation progresses? She is in her final semester of college so she could be waiting til she graduates to try again. But, I guess I just want to feel like I have a chance.
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I see what you re saying. I guess I hope she is interested because of how shy she is. But, why would she ask me to hang out with her sister and her sisters bf if she wasnt interested in seeing me? Just a lot of mixed signals it seems like. I know I am grasping at a lot of things. Because deep down I dont want to lose her. But am I wrong to think that there is a chance?
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Should I just keep texting her endlessly to see if the conversation progresses? She is in her final semester of college so she could be waiting til she graduates to try again. But, I guess I just want to feel like I have a chance. Why on earth would you want to continue torturing yourself, "endlessly," no less? I'm sorry, but wanting to have a chance and having one are two different things. It's her call, not yours, and she's not sending *any* signals that she wants to reconcile. I know this was your first relationship, but it is seriously time to move on.
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I see what you re saying. I guess I hope she is interested because of how shy she is. But, why would she ask me to hang out with her sister and her sisters bf if she wasnt interested in seeing me? Just a lot of mixed signals it seems like. I know I am grasping at a lot of things. Because deep down I dont want to lose her. But am I wrong to think that there is a chance? Mixed signals? No. Grasping at things? Yes. A chance? Not right now, and life is too short! I am being blunt here because I want you to reclaim your life, rogersm. It might seem harsh, but I just want you to wake up, get out there and enjoy your freaking youth! I promise you, PROMISE YOU, that this girl is not worth all this heartache and endless self-torture. I am rooting for you! But you have to help yourself by stepping away from the proverbial fire. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU DESERVE MORE OUT OF LIFE THAN PINING AWAY FOR YOUR EX. Now let's get out there and win one before Simon Phoenix shows up and tells you to take a lap, son! M. 1
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I went no contact to move on. And in the end I havnt. That is why I am here. I want her back and I want to put myself through this because in the end I want her. I have went on dates with other girls. And they arent my ex. She is the girl I want. It might seem like I am an idiot. And I probably am. But, I still feel liek there is something there. She isnt ignoring me for whatever reason. She could just be trying to be nice. But she could also be scared to tell me how much she misses me. I read a lot about how two people dont want to be hurt if there isnt interest from the other. Maybe this is one of those times
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 And thank you guys by the way. Cause I probably do need a real kick in the a**
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Fine. Tell/send/attach to carrier pigeon, whatever, her this: Dear (her name), I wish to make myself perfectly clear. I am still in love with you and want to rekindle our relationship. My candor may come as a shock, but I wish to make sure that you hear me when I say that I am very interested in us being together again. What do you think? If she can't come to the party, are you going to continue to be hung up on her and let her dictate this psuedo-friendship? Because if you are, I have no idea what you're doing here, to be honest. The time for mixed signals and bollocking around are over. If you want her, tell her. If she spooks to easy and is too shy, she needs to grow the f*ck up - and so do you. Cosigned. You are probably not going to get the answer you want, rogersm, so brace for impact, but if you aren't going to move on otherwise, just put it out there. Sometimes we need our hearts broken twice before we can accept it. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I see what you re saying. I guess I hope she is interested because of how shy she is. But, why would she ask me to hang out with her sister and her sisters bf if she wasnt interested in seeing me? Just a lot of mixed signals it seems like. I know I am grasping at a lot of things. Because deep down I dont want to lose her. But am I wrong to think that there is a chance? Yes you are wrong. Nothing there indicates that she is open to being in a romantic relationship with you. She was probably trying to be nice. My ex doesn't ignore me either. If I texted her right now, she'd respond. It doesn't mean she wants to try again -- in fact, the last time we talked she indicated she didn't want to (even though I didn't even ask her to) and she kept rehashing about the breakup, showing that she hasn't moved past it. And until she makes a move to either a) try to get back with me (which at this point I probably would reject) or b) let bygones be bygones and hang out with me as a friend (which I probably would be fine with), there's nothing I can or am willing to do. And I'm not exactly holding my breath or waiting for any of that -- as far as I'm concerned that chapter of my life is over. You are projecting your wants into her thoughts. You are being delusional. And you should not have broken NC until you could talk to her without all of these absurd thoughts coming back. When I was talking to my ex after a sizable NC, it was fine because I wasn't reading into anything -- I was just doing what I want when I wanted to and how I wanted to. She was the one who got all weird and goofy, not me, and that's because I did my time in NC and didn't cut corners like you have on a couple of occasions. Cliffs: Take a lap. 2
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I got you guys. Like I said I could just be reading this all wrong. I just dont want to lose her. I dont know if the letter is the right way to do things. I have thought about it. But I dont want to hide behind a letter. Part of the reason why I turned her down to hang out is because I know I cant be friends with her. I need more than that. But I need to stop reading into everything. I really do overthink stuff. I feel so bad about our relationship because I know it could have been better. It was my first. And I didnt give 100% because I just didnt know what to do. So i really want another chance with her to see what could have been now that I have grown.But it is to the point now where I need to move on I guess
Simon Phoenix Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 rogersm, you already have lost her. You just refuse to accept it. This times infinity. You lost her when she broke up with you. The fact that you haven't accepted this is more reason why you talking to her is a tragically bad idea. 1
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Sorry I phrased that wrong. I mean lose her forever. Since you guys are here and read all these posts and know a lot more than me.... is it worth telling her again how I feel? Does it ever work? My friend told me to be honest with her. Just one more time. Tell her how much I still care about her and want her back. But he told me this a month ago and I still havnt done it because im scared to be let down again.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Sorry I phrased that wrong. I mean lose her forever. Since you guys are here and read all these posts and know a lot more than me.... is it worth telling her again how I feel? Does it ever work? My friend told me to be honest with her. Just one more time. Tell her how much I still care about her and want her back. But he told me this a month ago and I still havnt done it because im scared to be let down again. No, she knows how into her you are. It will be like being broken up with for a second time. If I felt you were capable of moving on and getting closure from such a thing I might advise you to go for it, but I think even if she rejected you you'd invent another reason to go after her and convince yourself that "this time will be different." Self-empowerment doesn't seem to be a thing you possess. Leave it alone. 1
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Sorry I phrased that wrong. I mean lose her forever. Since you guys are here and read all these posts and know a lot more than me.... is it worth telling her again how I feel? Does it ever work? My friend told me to be honest with her. Just one more time. Tell her how much I still care about her and want her back. But he told me this a month ago and I still havnt done it because im scared to be let down again. Normally, rogersm, I would advise you to get the heck back into NC and let it do its slow magic. However, it's clear from what you are saying that you are completely stuck in a limbo of false hope and overthinking, so I think in this case it might be the jolt you need to finally move on. Keep in mind: I am almost positive that she will not reciprocate your interest in reconciling and this will be TERRIBLY PAINFUL. But if you won't move on of your own accord, maybe you need to experience rejection again to accept the breakup.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I think you'd be better off having an MMA fighter punch you in the chest a couple of times. Might be less painful than the route you want to go.
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 You guys are brutally honest... I like that. I guess I should just let i be for now. You guys are right. I will invent another reason why I should keep trying. Pretty much what I have been doing. I will admit it. Love really sucks sometimes
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 There you go. 2 different approaches. Pick one. Yes, choose a course of action, rather than wait and stew and plot and hope and dream. I myself am a dweller and an over-thinker, and I am telling you: no good can come from this limbo. None! So either take a huge risk and approach her, or take our collective word for it, go NC, and move on to the next good thing.
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 No contact again. Well at least try to. I did good for over a month. You guts would have been proud of me. Wasnt even gonna text her for her birthday until she texted me the other day
Simon Phoenix Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 No contact again. Well at least try to. I did good for over a month. You guts would have been proud of me. Wasnt even gonna text her for her birthday until she texted me the other day Don't try. Do. Winners don't try -- winners get sh*t done. It's up to you to move forward. Be aggressive at it -- hang with friends, make new friends, pick up a new hobby, work out, go on a trip, anything. Don't sit around watching your cell phone hoping she calls or texts. That's a waste of time and NC. 1
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Alright I will do what I can to avoid her texts. It really is not easy though
Simon Phoenix Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Yep, NC is a one-person thing, not a two-person thing. She doesn't violate your NC by texting you, you violate it by texting her back.
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 You guys are brutally honest... I like that. I guess I should just let i be for now. You guys are right. I will invent another reason why I should keep trying. Pretty much what I have been doing. I will admit it. Love really sucks sometimes If "let it be" means go NC and move on with your life, yes. If "let it be" means staying in contact with her and hoping your life turns into a romantic comedy and she suddenly shows up at your doorstep with flowers and confesses her undying love for you, NO NO NO NO! You are STUCK, rogersm. You need to take ACTION to change your situation.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Alright I will do what I can to avoid her texts. It really is not easy though Most things worth doing aren't easy. If success was easy, we'd all be millionaires or star athletes or entertainers.
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Do you guys have any tips for avoiding her texts? I feel like I am being rude in doing that. I know it is for me though. I need to figure out a way to stop caring about her!
Author rogersm Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Aspiringguitarheroine has a very good idea lol. I dont know if I can do that though. Kind of need my number for work. Maybe I should look at blockign her number
Minneloa Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Alright I will do what I can to avoid her texts. It really is not easy though This is a defeatist attitude, rogersm. Do what you can? You can send her a message telling her that it's best that you not be in contact, and then you can block her. And it may not be easy, but it is CRUCIAL to your mental health. I have been in NC for over 3 months now. Is it easy? No. Is it painful? Yes. But I do it because there is no other good option for taking care of myself, and the alternative (contact/limbo/false hope) would be MUCH WORSE.
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