MissNoname Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 When u break up with the person, do you text or do it in person? Whats the best way to do it? And should the other person involved should be aware of the persons act of cheating? The guy who Im exclusively dating cheated on me. Base on the information I have hes been dating the other girl longer. Whats the beat way to end it and should I let the other girl know that weve been cheated on?
crederer Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Ya, tell the other person. I'd want to know. She's probably snowed about the whole thing and if she knows about it already then you're not telling her anything she doesn't know.
Author MissNoname Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Dump him and never look back. I usually say do it in person but cheaters and abusers are the exceptions. They don't deserve such respect so for those cases I say a text is fine if you can never talk to him again after (actually follow through...a lot of women say they wont but become weak and continue to talk to them) Not only that, doing it in person with a cheater, it will turn into him denying it or deflecting the blame on you. I say let the other girl know...I would want to know if my bf was cheating on me. But make it short and sweet and if she starts going crazy cut her off. A lot of women will take it out on you instead of their bf! Whats the best way to word it so she would believe me?
Fondue Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Whatever happened to "taking the high road?" Be classy. Leave the man, and his "girlfriend" alone. No need to cause a ruckus. Be above that. Just my two cents. 3
CherryT Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Be graceful as much as you can. It's hard but it's so much more rewarding, for yourself in the end. When my ex cheated on me. I did it in person. He came over and I had proof (given to me from someone else). I gently put down the proof and said a very brief goodbye. I made it clear that I don't put up with cheating and that there is zero chance of reconciliation. I asked him to leave nicely and he did. When the door closed, I broke down. We were together for years. But I never let him see it. He's tried to contact me many times, usually once or twice a year for the last 5 years since it's happened. I never respond. I feel great about how it happened. I didn't have to yell to get him to hear me. Walking away with strength and pride was for me. I didn't want to show him sadness or pain because he had no power over me anymore. In the end he regretted his decision and sent me many long winded, pathetic, depressing emails. His friends started to drop him because he became a different person and the girl who he cheated on me with didn't trust him enough to be with him after we broke up. People like that will eventually put themselves in a hole. We don't need to do it for them. 2
Author MissNoname Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Im deciding if i should do it in person or just send him one text and if i should tell the other girl. Im still not sure what to do. Anymore advice is appreciated.
georgia girl Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I agree with the other poster. Meet him. Tell him you know and tell him it's not a topic for discussion. It's over. Period. If he wants to engage you in conversation/explanation, just say that you're not open to discussing it but you gave him the courtesy of letting him know it was over. Then walk away and make him watch you walk away. When he calls, texts, shows up, etc., simply don't respond. Silence is powerful and golden. Don't make this about him. Make this about you. How YOU want to be treated. How YOU conduct YOUR affairs. What YOU will and will not do. He will never "fix" himself. If he has the capacity to cheat, it's likely he'll always cheat because he doesn't value his partner or his relationships enough to behave like an adult. But you can choose a new partner who will share your values and build a good life with you. Living well is the best revenge. Good luck! 2
Jadedbyluv Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Don't tell the other girl. You want to walk away with your dignity. And honestly, some women just don't care.
Author MissNoname Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 If I tell him in person, do I just show up at his place? Im sorry this is the first time someone cheated on me and I feel really lost.
truth_seeker Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 some women just don't care. These women are the trash bags of society. 1
truth_seeker Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 If I tell him in person, do I just show up at his place? Im sorry this is the first time someone cheated on me and I feel really lost. Don't go to him. Have him come to you. Tell him to meet you somewhere. Give him the impression you want to hang out. Don't give off vibes that something bad might be up. You want to get him when his guard is down. Lure him in (say to a bar or coffee shop). Greet him then tell him it's over. Then walk out.
georgia girl Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I wouldn't go to his place. Meet him on neutral territory. Don't contact him. Wait for him to call you/request a "date." Agree to meet him somewhere neutral, say your piece and walk away. That's it. If you're at his place, he has too much control. If you're at your place, it may be the "scene of the crime," so to speak. If you go neutral, you have to keep it together and you don't have to go back to that place ever if you don't want to. But make up in your mind that it's over. Don't ever - but especially when dating and both partners are legally single - put up with someone cheating on you. Make that an absolute deal-breaker and never, ever go back. It will save you years of hurt.
Author MissNoname Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I dont think I can wait for him to ask me to hang out. I just want to get it done as much as possible tonight so I can start moving on. What about the other girl, should I let her know?
CherryT Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I dont think I can wait for him to ask me to hang out. I just want to get it done as much as possible tonight so I can start moving on. What about the other girl, should I let her know? This has already been answered. I wouldn't say anything. She's not your friend and you don't owe it to her to tell her. If you want to tell her because you think you'll get some glory out of "outing him", be prepared for the drama that could ensue. Some girls don't like the truth, especially in this situation. Be prepared for her to be irate with YOU and not him. Be prepared for her to come knocking at your door and calling you a liar etc. Girls with low self esteem stick with cheaters. She will justify his actions for him. I've seen it many times, the girlfriend the guy has been with longer than the side girl will call the mistress a scorned lover. How it makes her situation better, who knows. I wouldn't want that kind of drama.
ja123 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I'd wait until he contacts you (probably by text), then not respond. If he texts again, just say simply that it was over ever since you found out about the other woman. Then block his number. 1
cif Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 There is no reason to meet in person. That would make sense if you had things to give him or take but if you dont a one line message would suffice.. i know about your other girlfriend, i dont tolerate cheaters, do not contact me again. Then go nc. The same thing happened to me and i wont bother you with deets but the mistake i made was back and forth with him while he made excuses. The end result will be the same no matter what..nc. so why drag it on. Btw sorry i know you must be hurting, i certainly was. You will feel better when this is done.
DropCity Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) ...I wouldn't say anything. She's not your friend and you don't owe it to her to tell her. If you want to tell her because you think you'll get some glory out of "outing him", be prepared for the drama that could ensue. Some girls don't like the truth, especially in this situation. Be prepared for her to be irate with YOU and not him. Be prepared for her to come knocking at your door and calling you a liar etc. Girls with low self esteem stick with cheaters. She will justify his actions for him. I've seen it many times, the girlfriend the guy has been with longer than the side girl will call the mistress a scorned lover. How it makes her situation better, who knows... Exactly, CherryT! What--a--mess, huh? I would not attempt to "get even" or offer assistance to a (potentially explosive) problem for myself. Royal blowback! You appear to have enough to handle with the breakup itself, MissNn. Speaking of... ...considering you're...almost the OW, why not just call and break it off? It is more personal than a text message, and much simpler than a face-to-face meeting. The latter maaay be more appropriate if the other girl was the OW. Imo. And sorry to hear things are turning out so jacked. Edited September 17, 2013 by DropCity
Author MissNoname Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I texted him and didn't go to his place to let him know in person. I just said that I know about the other girl and to not call or text me again. Is it normal tho to look for answers why he did it? I dated him since last year then I broke up with him and he pursued me for several months wanting to get back together. I don't understand why he did pursue me hard after I broke up with him if he has a gf already. I guess there are just questions I need answers but no point of asking him because he will just tell me lies.
truth_seeker Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I texted him and didn't go to his place to let him know in person. I just said that I know about the other girl and to not call or text me again. Is it normal tho to look for answers why he did it? I dated him since last year then I broke up with him and he pursued me for several months wanting to get back together. I don't understand why he did pursue me hard after I broke up with him if he has a gf already. I guess there are just questions I need answers but no point of asking him because he will just tell me lies. His ego. He wanted to feel like he could get you. In his mind it was about the chase and conquering.
RedRobin Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 A few questions: How do you know he was exclusive with you? How long did you know him before you had sex with him?
Recommended Posts