Damaged217 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 So I just got dumped yesterday by a guy I met on a dating website. We had been dating 1 month to the day. After I say this, you're all going to think I am an idiot and say, "well, what did you expect?" My brain knew this from the start, but my heart, stupid as always, thought things would be different. So after the 3rd or 4th date he asked me what I was looking for and I told him the truth...that I was looking for something serious. I didn't want to date just to date. This was in my online profile. He said he wasn't sure what he wanted. His online profile said something along the lines of "I'm not looking for anything too serious, but we can start as friends and go from there." After this I did not hear from him for several days. I figured the conversation scared him off. I caved and texted him something casual. He ended up asking me out again, which I took as a good sign. Things were slow, but great. I'd see him maybe once or twice a week. I left him alone as far as texting and he would only really do that when he wanted to ask me out again. He seemed to really like me, but I could feel him holding back. I was doing the same since I didn't want to scare him off. I let him initiate everything (texting, hanging out, kissing, etc). Yesterday we went to a music festival. He was originally going with a friend and I asked if I could come along since I really wanted to go see one of my favorite bands who was playing and had no one to go with. I could tell he was uncomfortable with this, but he said yes anyway so as not to be an *******. My desire to see this band outweighed the obvious signs he was giving. We hung out all morning then went to the show. All of that day, he was a sweetheart, moreso than usual. He was very affectionate and told me how glad he was that he met me and that I was so amazing. He kissed me passionately during the Bears game we were watching, instead of watching every second of the game. He even referred to me as his girlfriend at one point. I was ecstatic. His friend ended up not coming because he didn't want to be a 3rd wheel. My date seemed fine and we had a great time up until the end of the night when the band he went there for played. I was tired and I didn't like that band at all so I stood there and he held me in his arms and we rocked back and forth for 45 minutes. I texted here and there. A band I wanted to see was playing at the same time. Since there was only 15 minutes left of the set, I asked him if he minded if I went to go check out the other band. He said watching the band alone isn't fun and that I was just standing there texting so he said he would go see the other band with me. I knew he wasn't thrilled and I felt bad since this was the main band he had wanted to see so I said we should stay. He said no and we went to see the other band. He became cold and distant. I asked if he was mad and he lied and said no. After 10 minutes he said he wanted to leave so we looked for a cab. I tried to hold his hand and he pulled it away. I asked again in the cab if he was mad at me. This time he angrily said that I invited myself to this show and he didn't get to see the entire set of his band. I was hurt and surprised by his tone so we said nothing the entire ride home. Back at my place he grabbed his things and he said he was leaving and we'd be in touch (this was the vague thing he always said at the end of our dates). I knew this was about more than the stupid concert and I wasn't going to let him dump me in a text message so I told him that I knew he wasn't going to call me again so to cut the crap. He was surprised that I knew this, but he said he was feeling like things were getting too serious for him and he wasn't ready for that. I got the whole "I've been hurt and cheated on and I don't want to put myself out there just to get hurt/you're a great girl, you'll find someone better" speech. I said everybody's been hurt. Big whoop. We had real chemistry and I can spot a douchebag from a mile away and I know this guy is not one of them. He is running away because he can't deal with his feelings. I made the mistake of letting him see me cry. I couldn't help it. I was starting to fall in love with this guy. He ended up hugging me and saying he cared about me, otherwise he would've just left without explaining anything, but that he just wasn't ready for this. It ended with him kissing me on the forehead and giving me the whole "let's keep in touch" line. He looked miserable. I know it hurt him to hurt me. I haven't felt about anyone the way I do about him in a really long time. Like I said, I know this guy is a genuine good guy and I know he cares about me. I feel like the timing is just off. He hasn't dated for the past 5-6 years and he had just recently started again. He wasn't ready to jump into a relationship. We are both at fault here. We both knew what we wanted but ignored that. He said maybe we could try again in the future if I was still available and he was ready for something more. I would be open to that. My question is what now? I know I should not contact him right now. Besides, my pride won't let me. I already made myself look weak by crying in front of him. I'm not going to text him and make that worse. Do I just wait and see if he contacts me? Do I wait a few months and casually text him to see how he's doing in the hopes that we can be friends? Or is there no hope here and should I just forget about him completely?
Sparkle304 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Just let him go. He has been very honest in that he doesn't want anything serious right now. I'm sure he is a great person, but right now he's not the guy for you. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. You're right to save your pride - do not call him or contact him. He knows how to reach you........ It absolutely sucks, I know!!!! Don't be embarrassed by crying over a short-lived romance. I've read that the short relationships can be just as difficult to get over because you're in the honeymoon stage and everything is wonderful. Please save yourself more heartache.....don't contact him. It'll only hurt you....
candie13 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I'll tell you what my best friend told me, when I kept coming back to her with my eyes all red: in order for men to appreciate what they have, they need to run after you. Make them chase you. It's no fun unless it's exciting. And if you get bored, just dump 'em. Simple as pie.
Author Damaged217 Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Yes, he's been honest and I can't blame him for walking away since I knew in the beginning that he wouldn't want a relationship. I think I'm just so hurt because he seemed to be really falling for me and because of the fact that he called me his girlfriend and then completely did a 180 in a split second. And that's why I'm having trouble with this so much. One minute he is opening his heart, and the next it's completely shut and this is triggered by my lack of enthusiasm for the band he wanted to see (which he only knew 2 songs from, btw)? What happened? I just don't get it! And it is aggravating. I let him do the chasing, Candie. I wasn't forward at all because I didn't want to scare him off. I don't think he got bored of me in a matter of hours. Sparkle, you're right. As hard as it's going to be, I know I can't contact him. It may only have been a month, but I fell hard and I fell fast so this is very difficult. And I did a good job of not showing him that until the end when my stupid self cried. I know I'm the strong one here though because as many times as I've gotten hurt by unavailable jerks, I still put myself out there time and time again. I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing it. I'm afraid I'll end up like him one day and run away from anything real because I'm too scared I'll get hurt :-(
Recommended Posts