Vinsanity1307 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 This is my story if you dont know but im sure most of you do http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years No matter what I am constantly wishing it was a year ago or 2 years ago. Whether I look at todays date or a picture(and no not of my ex. I put those away few months ago) I took sometime in the past a few years I cant help but pray and ask why couldnt it be a year ago or two years ago.I was so happy with my ex as she was with me.I know this is living in the past but I cant help it. I try to divert my attention but it doesn't work. This happens all.the time at work or the gym at home...Wherever....what do I do?
reddragon588 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Focus instead on the future. You can't start the next chapter of your life if you're still re-reading the last one. You need to make some plans to help yourself create new memories and move forward. I went on a couple of weekend getaways last month that really helped me. Maybe join a Meetup group and find some fun activities to make new memories. I too have trouble of not dwelling in past memories, but I've been working hard to keep myself busy and making new memories. It's hard but it helps a lot.
melell Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 It sucks, I know exactly how you feel. I was with my ex for 8 years, I am 25 now. The memories haunt me, really every single place I have been and everything I had done is associated with him somehow. Even countries we visited are ruined for me right now. I find myself getting so bombarded with memories that I start giving in and wishing for/fantasizing about the years we were together. It is horrible. One thing that helps is I try to think about times as a child that I wish I could go back in time to, it is the same saddening nostalgic feelings, but at least it isn't about my ex. I know that this won't last at all, it is a 'limbo' sort of situation until we really let go. Just know that it won't last forever. 1
barky2 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Vin if you have time to think about the past your not busy enough. This chic was bad news and you know it. Hang in there.....your almost at the anger phase. Once you are there, its all down hill from there Don't give up, you've put in a lot of work to get where your at. Grit those teeth and go bang out done reps or go do suicide sprints somewhere. Barky 2
barky2 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Lol nah, I've just been exactly where all if you are. And here to prove to you all that , you will survive and be 10x the person you went into this as. But, your welcome. Barky
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Thank you again for all your comments. Barky thanks again for your expert advice in my numerous threads especially...As not keeping busy enough..I work till 11pm then head to the gym for a few hours. Then the rest of the night what else can you do at 2,3,4,5 in morning? And what about my off nights from the gym? Again not much to do at those hours of the night and seeing those were the hours she was with me. So if you have any ideas please do tell. How long did it take for you to get to the anger phase? I know everyones different but just curious. But these ponderings of wishing it was the past and whatnot even happen at the gym and work (again cause thats where we met). I know it seems like I am giving excuses but thats how the things are going ....
reddragon588 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Thank you again for all your comments. Barky thanks again for your expert advice in my numerous threads especially...As not keeping busy enough..I work till 11pm then head to the gym for a few hours. Then the rest of the night what else can you do at 2,3,4,5 in morning? And what about my off nights from the gym? Again not much to do at those hours of the night and seeing those were the hours she was with me. So if you have any ideas please do tell. How long did it take for you to get to the anger phase? I know everyones different but just curious. But these ponderings of wishing it was the past and whatnot even happen at the gym and work (again cause thats where we met). I know it seems like I am giving excuses but thats how the things are going .... Well, I'll give you a look at my last week if that helps. Last Monday, I got home, went to the gym, did my laundry, came back to my room, cooked a nice dinner and read a book. Then I went to bed early. Tuesday, I went on a hike with some new people I met on Meetup.com. Wednesday I went to the gym, then went to the mall and walked around and had a nice dinner and went to bed early. Thursday, I went out for dinner and drinks with friends after work, then came home and went to bed early. Friday, I went to the gym and then afterward went to dinner with a friend and came home and went to bed early. I know it doesn't seem like a lot but you just have to find ways to keep yourself busy with something every day!
melell Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I do so well when I have things I HAVE to do, like work, or essays, it hits me the hardest when I get to make the choice of what to do. It is kinda creepy at work, it is non stop, and I don't have a chance to think about him, but when I finish it comes flooding in. I need brain training
crederer Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I think about that time to time too. I think "maybe if I did this or that she'd still be here" but the reality is I did nothing but treat her well. She simply just did not want to be with me, irregardless of her reasons.
JDPT Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Don't wish for the past, but rather dream of the future!
Salvatore85 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 A lot of times I lay in bed reminiscing, thinking about vacations we spent together or the holidays we had with each others families. It's so hard to let go of it all, just not think about it anymore. The truth is you won't. The love you two had for each other was real and those memories are part of the reason you are who you are. Sometimes they just fall out of love with us though but that's not your fault and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. Be proud that you're capable of loving someone so much that you hurt this bad when its gone because its setting you up to realize and notice the real deal when she walks into your life. Life is a long journey my friend and you have yet to meet all the people that will play important roles in it. Frank really meant it when he said "the best is yet to come".
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