GoodWitchOfTheNorth Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Before my boyfriend and I started dating, we were simply friends that were attracted to eachother. When it cam etime to discuss dating...he didn't even want to get involved because he "didnt want to hurt me". We ended up "seeing eachother" anyone - with no official title - and even ended up sleeping together. Finally, after a month or so, I decided to talk to him about becoming official. He got really upset at first because he claims to hate tittles, and repeated his fear of hurting me. Well now, it is official...but it's lacking any substance. Its been a couple months now, and as we do have fun together, there is no serious side. He hates PDA and wont even hold my hand in public or give me a hug, he doesn't call very frequently therefore I'm afraid to call frequently, and he just told me not to get him a gift for Christmas. Now, I'm the kinda girl that showers her man with gifts and kisses and calls him BABY and all that cutesy girly stuff. But I'm afraid to do that to him! I think he's so afraid to step up the relationship to being a REAL one...but that's the kind of relationship I want...how do I bring him to that? OR is it impossible to change a man that's afraid to commit?
Jilly10340 Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 In my experience, when a guy tells me he's afraid of hurting me, listen to him. You can't make someone want a relationship, they have to come to that on their own. Now, it's only been a few months. Have you seen him in his other relationships, maybe he likes to take things slow? You said that it was official, was he pushed into that or did he decide to have it official without your coaxing? Are you guys more like friends then bf/gf. have you told him that you want more affection from him. It's really hard for people to change. If it's not the kind of relationship you want then I suggest you tell him that and get out. Or, you could stick around and wait to see if he warms up to you if you think you can handle that.
morrigan Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 He has been honest with you about his ideas on commitment. If you can accept that he will act this way towards you, keep dating him. You can't tap into his mind, but his general behavior indicates that he's just not willing to invest a lot of his feelings or person into this relationship. Personally, I don't think he is ever going to feel the same way about you that you feel about him.
alphamale Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Well Wicked Witch: I have seen may times that when a man meets "the one" he usually does not have a commitment problem. Have u ever thought that he is just spending casual time with you?
pinkdarling Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 It's funny my BF also has commitment issues and at the beginning of our relationship asked me to be patient with him - at first i thought that was a line or something but I stuck it out and he's showed a lot of progress over the past months - as in he's showing a lot of effort and commitment to getting over his fear - it's slow moving in comparison to my cutesy ways but it's progress for him. I guess my point is - it's ok to have that fear and it's ok to be honest within your relationship over it - but when there's no progress or moving forward of any kind then there is a problem - if through your progression through the relationship has not made him change a little what makes you think that further progressions will be any different. All in all if he can't give you what you need out of a relationship you should rethink being with him - otherwise one day you will wake up resentful and sad you didn't see it sooner. Good luck!
NiCoLe20 Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 yea it kinda sounds like u forced him to be in a relationship w/ u... u will get hurt in the long run...the reason he shows no PDA ... he wants girls to know he's single...sounds like he wants to be single and hook up w/ u at the same time....also sounds like he wants to hook up w/ other girls and u at the same time... i could be wrong but ive been in this situation before and u dont deserve that... find some1 better
Mr Spock Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 I do agree....he's not afraid of commitment, just commitment to you. Find someone that wants you.
overseas2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Just go to the mirror and look at yourself and ask yourself while you are looking in the mirror. Do you think its going to get better? And secondly Are you happy the way you are?
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