Cilium Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 (edited) I am new here, and what brought me here is of course, endless searching online about how to cope with my breakup. I have been reading a lot of threads on breakups here, but it looks like every story has their own unique development. So, I am just throwing mine as it is, similar to others, but still, different in many respects. Nothing you haven't heard before I was with this guy for a year and a half (and a bit more), and I really think he was the love of my life. In the beginning I asked him to take things slowly, because I truly liked him and didn't want to scare him away, or him scare me away either. However, in less than two months we were head over heals. He took me on vacation with his best two buddies, he invited me to a dinner party for his birthday so that I could meet his parents, sisters/husband/children and his parents invited us on vacation (and we went). I introduced him to my family and they loved him too, so he was basically present at all our family celebrations. At some point, I lost my job and he was really supportive. He was also looking for a job himself. He said as long as we were together, everything would be fine. I actually found a job the next month, and he found his two months after. I had my own place, but I went there once or twice a week just to get my stuff and basically spend all the time at his place. We did everyday stuff together, and even signed up together for a French class three times a week. Then, something was not right. He said his feelings had changed although he still cared about me. I asked him twice to break up and he said he didn't feel like letting it go and that we should give it another try. I did, twice, but nothing much changed. We were growing distant. I tried into making him open up to me, and he said we rushed things and we were consumed. He said he would go on vacation with his friends and I also gave him the week before that off me, so that we could see if he would miss me at all. When he came back, we went out and I realized he had not missed me that much. He said he cared about me a lot and that he didn't know how to make things better. I told him the best would be to break up, and he said he didn't want to (again) and that he hoped we could still make it. I said if he didn't make any efforts to make things better, it would just be a waste of time for both of us (I didn't mean to break up; just make him think that I was serious!). The next day after breakup, he sent me a text saying I was the best woman he knows. That happened in mid-July. I sent back his stuff through his best friend, he sent me mine with the same person. We don't call or text, and accidentally i hear that he's partying every single night, drinking a lot and basically asking any girl he can get to sleep with him. I actually saw him one night at a club with some girl dancing and hugging and touching him everywhere (his best friends were there too). He came up to me when he saw me, asked about how I was and what was going on with my new job application! I was not impolite or anything, just gave him very short replies. I unfriended him immediately from Facebook the same night, so that I didn't see him liking or commenting pics of other women, like the one who standing in flesh and blood in front of me. That was two weeks ago. Nothing has happened in between. Its almost mid-September and I don't really know what to expect. Is he coming back? Is he using this time to clear his head or is this a real breakup? I am totally confused. Any opinions would be more than welcome. Million thanks in advance. Edited September 16, 2013 by Cilium
lindsay1990 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 First off, I would like to compliment you on being mature about how you handled this. You appear to have been understanding thus far. I think it is a real break up, or at the very least it should be. The reason for me to say this is that - unless maybe I have got the timeline off - this would be valid concern from his early on in the relationship, at which point you were gracious about it. But now, a year and a half later, I think these doubts point to a much deeper issue which is him basically not feeling that strongly about you. From what you are saying, it sounds like he might have a case of GIGS but more so for being out there and partying and dating around. I would advise you to go NC and stay that way. I don't think he is coming back and if he does someday, it will be a long time. Sorry.
Author Cilium Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Thank you. I have done my part of crying and trying to convince him in the first two failed attempts to break up Also, it is not hard to keep the NC, since we never bump into each-other - as far as I know, he is avoiding me and all places I know where I can find him. However, this really was the love of my life. I don't know whether it is just a pure GIGS case, or he just really got scared of how things turned so quickly within just a year, while his friends were still out there partying and enjoying the life of singles. I just know it hurts not to have him a part of my life anymore.
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