Sneaky Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 It’s been a while since I posted, being dumped several months ago, I employed NC, basically falling off the face of the earth. After some tough times and attempting to grow as a person and when I felt ready, I broke NC with a short letter which said that I was sorry for how I dealt with the breakup by trying to force myself into her life and that I hope she would find happiness even if it was not with me. I felt calm, at peace. This was my closure and I did not expect a reply. I meant every word; she is a good person and deserves to be happy. Sometime later coincidentally when I was just online, I saw something she had written come up on a feed of one of our mutual friends. (I still stay away from hers because while I hope for her happiness, I don’t wish to be a spectator to it.) Anyway, the message basically said to repost if someone you had met via the ways we had met turned out to be one of the best people to have ever existed. I started to feel confused and I reached out to some friends for advice. They encouraged me to contact her as I did not have anything to lose, but I stuck to NC instead. Then a few days ago I saw that she had mailed a birthday present for another mutual (male) friend and there were a few flirty messages between them, something inside me just broke. I felt like I got hit in the chest by a sledgehammer. I thought about my own birthday which I spent the day trying to not get my hopes up for a simple text message that never came. Now from a logical point of view, I honestly do not believe they would even end up together. While my friend does have a flirty personality (and tons of female friends); they have not actually met, have incompatible lifestyles and the friend is starting Uni where he is meeting some girl he has been chatting with for over a year, having planned dates and such. But still there is this constant pain wearing me down that she has fallen for someone else. I finally caved and broke NC the next day trying to be casual and not even mentioning it, but there was no reply. I still want her to be happy and if she finds that happiness with someone else then that is a good thing; it is her life and her decision. Our mutual friend is a great guy as well and he has it way tougher than me (they both do) and he deserves to be happy. I don't want to stand in the way of their happiness if there is something going on. This is all their decision and I cannot change that and I have no choice but to accept it. I have blocked both via a browser extension but I can't stop thinking about it and I just feel broken. I've achieved several things during my NC and I've tried to help other people as well and it all just feels meaningless without her. Anyway, thank you if you've actually read all of this or leave a comment or some insight. Today is day 3 of NC again for me.
JoelBarish Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 NC is a preached here for a reason. But I think NC should include NS (No snooping) that means online or otherwise. I can relate to what you are saying about how you care for your ex. I know the feeling that you want her to be happy (even if not with you). But you my friend need a lot of time to heal and that means NC and NS. Chances are your friend was just being flirty with her, however, the time will come when she moves on for real and you do not want to witness that until you are stronger and ready. Anyway, like I said most likely nothing is going on with the two of them now, but your head will play the worst tricks on you regardless of the reality of the situation. So just get your mind off it and NC so you can heal. If she ever wants to contact you, she knows how. And even if she does contact you, that doesn't mean you should get your hopes up either. But right now, you have to work on you and deal with your emotions so that come what may, you can face things with a clear head. 1
Author Sneaky Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 NC is a preached here for a reason. But I think NC should include NS (No snooping) that means online or otherwise. I can relate to what you are saying about how you care for your ex. I know the feeling that you want her to be happy (even if not with you). But you my friend need a lot of time to heal and that means NC and NS. Chances are your friend was just being flirty with her, however, the time will come when she moves on for real and you do not want to witness that until you are stronger and ready. Anyway, like I said most likely nothing is going on with the two of them now, but your head will play the worst tricks on you regardless of the reality of the situation. So just get your mind off it and NC so you can heal. If she ever wants to contact you, she knows how. And even if she does contact you, that doesn't mean you should get your hopes up either. But right now, you have to work on you and deal with your emotions so that come what may, you can face things with a clear head. Thank you for the comment. I did stay away from her pages after I returned because I am trying to be respectful of her decision and wishes and I also realize how much more difficult it makes things. Both events came up on the pages of the mutual friends though or I would not have seen them. But I agree and I have included the friends’ pages on a filter type extension on my browser so I can no longer access them either. You gave good advice though and I am grateful. I just wish I could turn off my brain sometime, especially at night when there is nothing to distract me. I really felt like I had moved on before my confusion started again. I am trying to accept change and let go of things outside of my control. But I do miss her and I don’t know how to change that. There are just moments where I can be doing anything and I’m suddenly hit by a feeling that part of me is missing or that something I should enjoy is just meaningless because I don’t have her to share it with.
JoelBarish Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 They say that working out is good for you. Supposedly it gets the endorphines flowing and what not. I try to work out daily even if just a little bit in the hopes that it will make me feel better and get my mind off things. Does it work? Maybe. I am not sure anything works 100 percent of the time. Some other things I do to occupy my time are watch movies and read. Both activities are a way to escape. However, I do feel that reading does a better job occupying my mind (so I don't think so much). With movies I can zone out somewhat and my mind can wander but with reading I know that I really have to focus on what I am reading about and that takes my mind off other things. 2
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