my breakup. my regrets. my pain.

[Fugee]

so heres my story. there was this girl who i had a crush on back when we were both in high school years ago. i never got a chance to make a move because she was with someone else. fast forward 7 years later, we somehow crossed paths again. she lived 5 hours away now, but she initiated we meet up when she came back home. so we dated couple times, she told me how i swept her off her feet, like no one else has done before. that i was "a fresh breath of air." the next you know we were a couple. it was long distance but we made it work. things were amazing, i got her a pet bunny for her on christmas, we went on trips together, spent the holidays with each others families, all that good stuff.

 

2 months into the relationship, we had our first argument on her birthday. we went to the club, and i wasn't really in the mood to have fun, because of our first fight earlier. my ex got drunk, i took care of her the rest of the night, and she was unaware of all the things i did for her that night. a couple of days later she told me how much her friends weren't fond of me because i was quiet that night. but you know i had my reasons. she became distant and developed negative feelings towards me. i felt that her friends influenced her to have these feelings. which wasn't fair.

 

she got upset on day when i told her i didn't finish college. she told all her friends and family i had a degree. all i said before was what i studied in school. she called me a liar and that really left me feeling depressed, insecure because she wants a man who has a degree.

 

a couple of weeks later i visited her again, i put a lot of effort into making it work out between us. i cooked a fancy dinner, and even painted a portrait of her, because we're both artists. but i felt unappreciated. we got into another pointless argument, and i was so upset by the way i was being treated that i just shut down. we went out dancing with all her friends, and i just didn't feel like doing anything again. the next couple of days she ignored me while with her friends. i was so depressed and didn't feel included that i just wanted to walk out the door and fly back home.

 

the night before my flight back home, she said she wanted to break up. i had a breakdown and told her about my depression. then she said she'll stay with me to work it out. the next couple of months our relationship was rocky... but we had our good times too.

 

one night we had another fight, she told me she only stayed because she was afraid of my depression. said she was lying to herself that she still loved me. she said hurtful things like "a lot of guys are waiting for me to be single again, you're not the one for me, i want to be with a guy who has a degree, someone who can dance with me in the club. i want a man not a child" that really lowered my self-esteem, made me insecure, i felt like i wasn't good enough.

 

i went to visit her again, things went bad and she finally broke up with me. told me that i blackmailed her into staying in the relationship, said i was a liar. said she was unhappy. said we can still be in each others lives and become friends. we planned a trip together before we broke up and she compromised with me and we still went under the condition that nobody knows. during the trip, more fighting, me shutting down, being depressed...etc. on the plane ride back home, i got off the plane and took off without saying a word to my ex. she blew up my phone, but i ignored her. she blocked on all social media sites and sent a text on how much i hurt her.

 

within the next few months my friends told me she deleted all photos of us, and was in pictures with other guys. i asked her about it and she got mad. this went on for awhile, me asking if there was somebody else, getting on her case, and all that. she denied it, told me off, said hurtful things, said we can never be together again. now she isn't speaking to me anymore. it just made me wonder why she blocked me, took all of our photos off, kept me a secret, why all these guys want her to be single. was this the reason why we broke up? because i wasn't good enough for her standards and someone else was waiting in line?

 

this whole thing has left me insecure, feeling depressed. i know i drove her crazy with these accusations, but i hope she understands my anger and pain. this was my first real relationship and heartbreak. if only she was understanding and forgiving, saw me for not what i have to offer, but for the good qualities i do have. she has all these expectations for me to meet, but really she just pushed me away. i don't know what to do, i still love her and i wish i had another chance with her, to make it right, show her my good side, i want to be with her without shutting down with times a tough. for us to both be happy again.

 

 

what should i do?

Edited September 16, 2013 by Fugee

[Chi townD]

Move on, but prove her wrong. Go back to school and finish. Start making positive changes in your life.

 

Here's the deal, she's over you. Your friend told you about her social media, but I bet she never asked them about you! \

 

Time to move on, dude. Get seen for your depression and get a handle on it.

[Fugee]

Move on, but prove her wrong. Go back to school and finish. Start making positive changes in your life.

 

Here's the deal, she's over you. Your friend told you about her social media, but I bet she never asked them about you! \

 

Time to move on, dude. Get seen for your depression and get a handle on it.

 

 

its doesn't even matter about the degree she said. because i would be doing it for her, not myself. she dumped me because she said i was dishonest, and she was unhappy with the relationship. i never lied, i just didn't tell her i finished initially, and i in fact told her the truth when she asked.

[Fugee]

would you say that she has the 'grass is greener syndrome?'