lovesucks76 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Well, my ex called me on Saturday after 45 days since BU. We had a very nice long 1 hour conversation. We talked mostly about life, family , dogs, etc. I kept the conversation light mostly but it was hard. She finally brought out our BU and said she was super scared of getting hurt again and broke up because she felt we were getting too involved and close with each other after just 3 months and that's not what she had planned when we initially started going out. She also said she had just ended a very long RS back in February and wasn't planning on getting close to anyone for a long time until she met me in May. She also said she had fallen for me too and this was the first time she felt out of control in a RS. I already knew all of this so I told her that if we were ever to have a future again we would both need to be 100% truthful about what's in our hearts and not end it during a silly fight. So, we're not together again and I'm not 100% sure we will get back together again. It's complicated and I'm afraid of getting hurt now too. We agreed on going out for coffee next Saturday and see how we feel then. Time is a beautiful thing and gives us perspective. We're both in our 30's and we love one another very much but I'm fully aware NOW it takes a lot more than love to make a RS work. We'll see...
lindsay1990 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 All I can say is keep your expectations as low as possible if you must go. But honestly I wouldn't because all I see happening after the meet up is more limbo, perhaps you could consider NC? Cancel coffee and tell her it's best to recuperate away from each other for a while? 1
Author lovesucks76 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Thanks. I already had cancelled a hike we had planned this past weekend with friends so I wouldn't have to see/talk to her. I agreed to this meeting after she surprised me with a phone call on Saturday. Actually she just texted me this morning again from work to say she was happy we were finally meeting and sent me a funny picture of her dog. Like I said, It's complicated but we love one another and there's no 3rd party involvement here. The BU was mutual and actually a good thing for both of us. For me, it taught me to take it slow and not rush things. I feel more in control now. For her...she said it made her realize that what we had was very special and not to be taken fro granted. She also said this is the most natural she has felt with anyone in her life and regardless of what happens between us she would never stop loving me (her words). We'll see....I still love her very much but I am OK with moving on with my life without her finally.....What's meant to be it will be.
joe86 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 This is exactly like my BU, so was good to read. She text me last week about coffee after work & I agreed but waiting on her to come back with actual plans. After she broke it off I consider the ball in her court on this one.
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 (edited) What's changed? What is different than 45 days ago?? This is a bad idea and one/both of you will get hurt. Go back and read your posts from a few weeks ago. You were singing a different tune then. What's different now? Edited September 16, 2013 by mtnbiker3000 1
Author lovesucks76 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Good luck to you. If I were you I would continue to play it cool. If it's meant to be it will be. 1
Author lovesucks76 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 What's changed? What is different than 45 days ago?? This is a bad idea and one/both of you will get hurt. Go back and read your posts from a few weeks ago. You were singing a different tune then. What's different now? I was hurt, yes and still am. A lot has happened in 45 days actually.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I was hurt, yes and still am. A lot has happened in 45 days actually. 45 days isn't enough. Nothing has changed and its the exact same. I swear upon my mother this will not end well. 1
abby_tx Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I feel like everyone is SO insistent on NC forever and ever. I don't think everything is that cut and dry. I think it can be a great thing for some, but in this situation what's the harm in seeing her? There have got to be some great marriages that had a hiccup at one point. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I feel like everyone is SO insistent on NC forever and ever. I don't think everything is that cut and dry. I think it can be a great thing for some, but in this situation what's the harm in seeing her? There have got to be some great marriages that had a hiccup at one point. Never said it was. No one is saying that.....in this instance, that's not the case.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I feel like everyone is SO insistent on NC forever and ever. I don't think everything is that cut and dry. I think it can be a great thing for some, but in this situation what's the harm in seeing her? There have got to be some great marriages that had a hiccup at one point. Actually most people aren't "NC for ever and ever" at all. Most people are "NC until you've settled down/reset your emotions/become indifferent/OK with whatever happens".
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I have been probably a year or so NC now, and I NEVER see myself breaking it. What would be the point? I doubt I'll EVER feel "indifferent" to the point where I can see my ex of eight years and say "Hey! How are ya? Is this the guy who's bannging you? Well very nice to meet you sir!" I'm sorry but I just think thats a ridiculous expectation for 99 percent of people. Nope, for me no contact is a permanent thing, eventually you don't "break it" but i think you more likely just put them so deep into your past and TRULY move on. I think most of us have a ways to go. Sorry to hijack, i was having a moment hehe 1
Author lovesucks76 Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 I have been probably a year or so NC now, and I NEVER see myself breaking it. What would be the point? I doubt I'll EVER feel "indifferent" to the point where I can see my ex of eight years and say "Hey! How are ya? Is this the guy who's bannging you? Well very nice to meet you sir!" I'm sorry but I just think thats a ridiculous expectation for 99 percent of people. Nope, for me no contact is a permanent thing, eventually you don't "break it" but i think you more likely just put them so deep into your past and TRULY move on. I think most of us have a ways to go. Sorry to hijack, i was having a moment hehe I see where you're coming from. I believe once you truly love someone, you'll never stop loving that person. Especially if nothing horrible happened between you two to cause the break up. I also think you can have a conversation with your ex without discussing who she's banging and discussing the RS you once had. We can be mature if we choose to. I'm not upset at her, I'm upset at me for letting it go for longer than it should have. I love my ex deeply but I also recognize we will probably never be a good match. Is it tempting to go back? hell YES! Will I go back? Probably NOT. Why? Because I'm more aware since I've had time to think, analyze and recognize that certain things aren't meant to be. It does't mean I don't care for her. It also doesn't mean that I don't wish she finds someone who loves her at least as much as I did in the future. I actually love her possibly too much and hope for nothing but the best for her. For me, I don't want to settle for someone who can't provide what I need in a RS. Yes, it sucks but that's the truth! Yes, I miss her and I will go ahead and meet with her but I'm not expecting to re-start our RS, there's no point anymore. She won't change and neither will I. 1
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