When someone wanted to be friends and runs away

[white]

Imagine you thought you were dating someone you met in a friendly context but they're timid, physically awkward, and massively idiosyncratic, so you're very gentle indicating your interest. You go out a few times for very date like activities and have a great time every time. Then you perhaps say something a little bolder, such as I'd like to see you more, or I'll miss you, when you're leaving, after arranging the next time. And they disappear, cease responding.

 

And you realise while pondering this that they were never dating you in their mind; regardless of candlelit dinners, walks, wildlife visits, and fantastic conversation, between a single woman and a single man, it was just about being friends for them. If you hadn't made even that lightest possible move, you would be seeing them next week, and the week after, for hikes, events, food festivals, and always drinks and dinner. But introducing that element made them run away to being on their own with nowhere to go sitting in bed watching anime again.

 

Were you in the wrong? Should you have known from the start, and how? Is it fair for them to react that way to such a light approach? Should you be feeling bad about it like you let them down? And, on a personal note, what is up with someone single spending their very (very) sparse free time with you and then getting upset over the idea you might like them. This is how it works, isn't it? I honestly can't see that I was unreasonable and neither can anyone else I've spoken to. Tell me this was just odd behaviour from an odd person.

Edited September 16, 2013 by white

[TB Rhine]

Had this exact situation come up a couple of years ago... was seeing a girl I went to school with - lunches and coffee and so on (which I paid for), frequent flirtation, etc. Then I made Nice Guy Rookie Mistake #22-7 and bought her a nice scented candle for Valentine's Day... never heard from her again. She dropped me like a bad habit.

 

Sometimes, when a girl is not attracted to you, she will continue to tolerate your company for an often surprising amount of time, as long as you don't overtly indicate that you have any designs on getting physical with her. Then, the moment you start acting like a guy, they bolt. Maybe they enjoy the attention/free rides/free meals/whatever, and they're just nakedly keeping you on a string as long as they can until you outlive your usefulness. Maybe they WANT to like you "that way" and are hanging out for a while hoping it'll happen, but it doesn't. You'll probably never know.

 

Did you do the right thing? Yes, just not in the right way. NEVER tell a woman that you like her or that you want to see her more, or that the sun rises and sets in her eyes, or any kind of romantic b.s. like that. It'll never work. You let on that you're interested in more by getting physical with her, and trying to take things to that next level. If she rebuffs you, well... then you know where you stand.

[mortensorchid]

"I just want to be friends"? THe classics never die do they? How many have said that and how many have actually followed through with it? A fraction if that, and that is lying to yourself. But hey, life goes on doesn't it?