To go for a coffee or not?

[Emma1234]

I'm honestly doing really well. Life without him is good now, I'm still sad about what we lost but I've learnt that these things happen in life. Not had a 'bad day' in ages.

 

He text me about a week ago to go for a coffee. We have had no contact for 2 months, break up is 4 and a half months.

 

I don't know what to do. Most have advised no contact but I would quite like to see him. I know nothing will come of it. I know it's over. I'm not expecting a single thing.

 

What shall I do?

[joe86]

You said it yourself, you want to go, so go!

 

Equally you know it's over so what is there to lose by going?

[Zahara]

About a month ago you posted that you saw him on a site where he had pictures of himself and other women and you were extremely hurt and bawling.

 

I hardly believe anything you're saying. One month doesn't change much.

 

And you received unanimous advice in your last thread. Everyone said, don't go. Yet you're asking again. If you are in such a good place whereby seeing him wouldn't affect you, you wouldn't be posting asking the same question again and again. You'd just go because you would be confident in your expectations and you would be confident in how you feel. You aren't confident, therefore you have to ask a bunch of strangers if you can go for coffee. That's your sign it's a bad idea.

Edited September 16, 2013 by Zahara

[Emma1234]

A month can do a lot. I've done a lot of life changing things. I am asking 'strangers' because I want different perspectives.

 

Fair enough though, thanks for your opinion.

[JDPT]

Absolutely not, way too premature. You will only sabotage your healing process and back to square one you will go.

[lindsay1990]

I think if you're still sad about what you lost, you would only be reminded of what you lost if you saw him and would be sadder. Don't go...

[Zahara]

A month can do a lot. I've done a lot of life changing things. I am asking 'strangers' because I want different perspectives.

 

Fair enough though, thanks for your opinion.

 

If a simple thing as coffee requires various perspectives from a forum, isn't that telling you that you aren't really confident about how strongly you feel as to where you are. If you were, you wouldn't need perspectives. It's just coffee. And you received perspectives. Unanimous. Are you hoping for someone to say go?

 

You state you have made a lot of life changing things in 4 months, but that has nothing to do with where you are emotionally. When I broke up with an ex, within that year, I traveled my ass off, went through a cancer scare, started learning a new language, lost a friend to cancer, found a great job, had gotten over my phobia of being in the water. I saw my ex with a new girl that Easter and it hurt me badly.

 

If you've read enough posts on here, people often come back saying they've changed much about their lives but still pine or feel emotionally held back by an old relationship. Just because you feel in 4 months you've made a lot of changes within, leftover emotions from an ex takes much more than 4 months to resolve. In the past three months, you've posted many, many threads. Another sign this is not a good idea. I would suggest you continue making changes in your life versus taking a step back and possibly ruining what you've worked so hard for.

 

Or go for coffee. Pretend he brings a girl over with him, introduces her as his girlfriend or let's say he tells you he is dating someone. If you can tell yourself you wouldn't feel a thing, then go.

[mtnbiker3000]

A month can do a lot. I've done a lot of life changing things.

 

LOL!!! Really? A lot of life-changing things in 1 month. Your fooling yourself. Or at least trying to...

 

I suggest you take a step back and really examine this. You will see you are no where near ready.

 

Even 4 months is still a very, very short period of time...

Edited September 16, 2013 by mtnbiker3000

[JDPT]

Absolutely- you have made an attempt at scratching the surface in what month that's what you have done. And that's perfectly fine, there is no need to rush this, this isn't a race. As stated previously, don't succumb to this, you will later regret it.

[candie13]

Go to have millions of cups of coffee - with million different men. Just say you're flattered by the invitation, but you are very busy these days. Smth light hearted and fun - a firm "No" none the least.

 

Give it at least 2 -3 months of full no contact before even considering recontacting me. Truth is, after 2 - 3 months of proper no contact you will not feel like contacting him or even be thinking about him. Let the past stay in the past.

 

Unless in 2-3 months, you go out with a steamy hot man and wanna gloat about your happiness in front of your ex... Again, it is childish, but hey, it sure makes a woman feel good about life .

[Minneloa]

Just because you feel in 4 months you've made a lot of changes within, leftover emotions from an ex takes much more than 4 months to resolve. In the past three months, you've posted many, many threads. Another sign this is not a good idea. I would suggest you continue making changes in your life versus taking a step back and possibly ruining what you've worked so hard for.

 

Completely agree, especially about the multiple threads part, which indicate that your emotions have not settled yet. There's no shame in that, but, as Zahara says, I wouldn't risk setting yourself back. Keep the focus on yourself and your growth and well-being!

[lovesucks76]

I'm honestly doing really well. Life without him is good now, I'm still sad about what we lost but I've learnt that these things happen in life. Not had a 'bad day' in ages.

 

He text me about a week ago to go for a coffee. We have had no contact for 2 months, break up is 4 and a half months.

 

I don't know what to do. Most have advised no contact but I would quite like to see him. I know nothing will come of it. I know it's over. I'm not expecting a single thing.

 

What shall I do?

 

OK, here you go. My honest advice.

 

No one knows your relationship better than YOU. You should make your own decision based on what's best for YOU. Please be honest with your own self!!! If you don't want this person in your life anymore OR if you feel nothing positive would come out from this meeting then don't go. End of the story. Only you know what's best to do.

[candie13]

Also pay attention that in the early stages of NC, you get this false sense of security, of balance that is just... amazing. Truth is, it usually gets worse before it gets better. You may think you are well, but if you find yourself randomly thinking about your ex, it means you're totally not.

 

Please play it safe, it's your heart you're toying with, my dear.

[Emma1234]

Just re read this thread, thank you everyone. Your words definitely gave me a bit of a wake up call. I'm not over him, I'm getting there yes, but I'm not ready for anything other than no contact and focus on myself.