Kimmie80 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I had been in a very bad relationship since I was 17 years old. It had verbal abuse, physical abuse, and ended with infidelity. I finally broke free earlier this year and decided I deserved better. I ended up meeting a service guy who came out to my home back in April. We hit it off and it was magical. No other word. But due to my low self esteem and insecurities from my past relationship, I wrecked this one. I am doing better and need to get back out there and start dating. That being said, I have no idea how to even date or find single men. I hear a lot of good and bad stories about online dating, so thought I would throw it out and there and see what you guys think! Any success stories out there?
Mliu Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I'm on dating sites but for me it's not going well but since you're an attractive lady, you will surely get bombarded with messages from young and old guys - pick your guy wisely as some are just there for sex. I've sent a few messages to ladies for around 5 month now and none replied, only got 1 message from this lady in July and went on 2 dates so far. Hoping there will be a 3rd date. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 The most important thing is to work on yourself...yes I know that sounds very boring and blah, but you've got to remember that your issues and insecurities are your responsibility to work out, not for some other guy to fix or get dumped on with all your emotional baggage. That's not to say that you should just fix yourself and that you deserve whatever you get with the next guy or it's all your fault, because I've seen a lot of women claim responsibility for a failure in a relationship when the guy just wasn't that into her or kind of exploited that and used her own issues and insecurities against her....remember that it's two people not just one, don't claim responsibility for everything and just beat yourself up about it. So I'd say therapy, or something self-healing about your past and those emotions...it's hard to face those things but they can do a lot of damage, especially at 17 years old you can take a lot of ownership of many things you should not, it's all about perspective and once you've been through all those skeletons in your closet and moved on, that's when you'll be in a sense "free" from that...right now you are still carrying the burden and that is ultimately going to have an influence in every person you meet, even when you think you have it "under control"...in the words of many a great alcoholics. OLD is what you make it, and it's about your ability to filter out the bullshetters and players, as well as your ability to determine a mans character...it's the same shet you would use in real life, if you suck in real life and end up with the "wrong men" then chances are you're going to have the same results online...it's really going to depend on your filtering process, most women can get plenty of interest easily otherwise....just be smart to prevent being one of the "bad stories" and it won't be all that negative...you take these big chances without using good judgment than that definitely increases the chance of something negative happening, but otherwise it can be pretty "normal" otherwise or at least seem so...people are all weirdos in my book. 4
Author Kimmie80 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 mliu, Thanks for your input! I am definitely going to take it slow and pick them wisely. ninjainpajamas, wow, thanks so much for your input! It makes total sense! I am currently in therapy now, dealing with my self esteem issues and so on. Even though it all stemmed from the affair that my ex had, I have to learn to let it go and not to blame myself. Thats is very hard to do, since I feel like I have let him down as a wife. I am not looking to jump into any relationship of any kind. Im just out seeing whats out there and strictly date, with no strings attached, just living life!
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