ex wants to be friends

[bolase]

I fell for a guy I work with who had just got out (3 months previously) of a 4 year relationship that hurt him badly..I asked if he needed time, to sort things out while not seeing me, but he said he wanted to see where it led with me.

 

He is bipolar (no episodes for 5 years though) and said lots of cynical things while we were together - that relationships coulnd't last more that 4 years, that I came along too soon after his ex, that he didn't know why I liked him when I could have anyone, etc. But he also said he could see himself falling in love, told me about 2 girls he turned down for me, said he would be there for me.

 

I was in the right place for a new relationship and wanted to give it a chance. But after all the things he said, I told him I needed to be with someone who was hopeful and he was killing my buzz, but I still wanted to see him if he was willing to just let things happen.

 

He was upset, then distant after that, finally telling me that I could see other people if I wanted, that we'd moved too fast, he didn't want or need anything from me or vice versa (? - he later said that wasn' what he meant, though). After that, I asked him what he wanted, I assured him that I liked him and wanted to be with him - he said he couldnt assure me it would work but wanted to hang out in a few days. He added that I had fallen into the girlfriend mould in his life very quickly and he had to realise I was a different person from the one that hurt him. He thought I could always flick a switch and not like him (I am very decisive).

 

And then after that, he broke up with me saying he 'had nothing to offer me' and felt he was 'already disappointing me'. Even though he agreed I had not put pressure on him to be in a serious relationship merely to give it a chance.

 

I am devastated. Is he just depressed (he is depressed, and unhappy with his life as he doesnt get to have enough time to be creative, takes drugs occasionally)? I get that we will no longer be together, working together is very awkward right now. I cant help but wonder if he never liked me, always knew he had nothing to give, and was just looking to score. It's an awful thought. Maybe just too soon after his breakup? He said he doesnt want us to stop hanging out, it shouldn't stop just because we aren't having sex. What? He mentioned his libido is low (I never saw that - he tried to jump me the second last time we spent together! Not to mention..good sex enjoyed by both).

 

How should I best handle this? I cant face him at work right now. We had 2.5 months together.

Edited September 16, 2013 by bolase

[Philosoraptor]

He may have liked you, but he was in no way ready to meet anyone new.

 

Right now you just need to take care of yourself. Know if he tries to come back, it's out of loneliness. He needs to process the end of his previous relationship long before he will be ready for anything serious.