The talk!

[Robynhood]

So I guess this would be the right category to write in for advice!

I met a guy after meeting him thru a dating site. He added me on fb we exchanged messages here and there but nothing too serious. This was back in 2011 when both of us were single.

 

Around the same time we both got in a relationship and randomly talked on fb and he always asked about my life and how I was doing. He seemed to care more about messaging me than I did him and we exchanged relationship advice with each other. We both started to have relationship troubles and broke it off with our s/o. Not with the hopes of getting together but just because the relationships we were in were miserable for us!

 

After 2 and a half years of randomly talking on fb and commenting on each other's instagram we exchanged phone numbers from that day on which was in May we have talked everyday. There has not been a day we haven't talked to each other and checked in. We obviously have a conncetion and get along great. We told each other that we like one another and we should visit each other. This summer I traveled a lot and have shared my journey on my trips via snap chat texts instagram FaceTime. So when I finally got back to Cali he had a business trip in Vegas and finally wanted to see me in person. He spent the weekend with me in Cali.

 

Our trip in LA was amazing we did a lot in a weekend. He met my closest friends and we went down to sd. While he was here in LA I fell for him more. We were pretty sad when we had to say goodbye and hugged and kissed until he finally had to go! This was in August btw. We still talked everyday after he left and have had few FaceTime Skype talks. I went to visit him in his city for his birthday 2 weeks later. I met his friends and he showed me his city. I loved the time spent there and we truly enjoyed each other company. Then I had to leave and we both were sad.

 

We always say how each other should be doing things with each other in our respective city and missing each other. He sometimes calls me babe and checks in when he is out with his friends. I enjoy the time I spend with him and talking with him. I get super excited to wake up to his texts.

 

I guess my problem is we haven't defined our relationship. I have no idea what we are and what we are doing. I don't know how to go about doing so and I don't want to scare him away because he has told me girls have the tendency of rushing things. I feel like an ldr will be hard to maintain for him bc he will start to travel for work 4 days a week again. His last relationship was uncessful bc of the distance and I'm scared to dtr bc I don't want what we have to stop.?

 

Can someone give me specific advice on how should I bring up this issue. Or what I should do. Should I just give up on us ever having a bf gf relationshi bc he would have asked me out by now if I was important ? We are already talking about a trip to see each other in the next months. I'm 23 and he's 27 just to let you know our ages! Please help me figure out how to dtr or is it worth dtr ing

[justwhoiam]

Yours is not an isolated case. People jump into something and then start wondering if that is good for them, because things are up in the air. I too would suffer if I didn't know where I stood...

So my first advice is: don't let it happen. You are putting yourself in a situation where it looks like you find this acceptable, while you really don't. And if you let it go on, and then suddenly put a stop to it, you might be perceived as moody, irrational or whatever.

 

Also, I don't know how far you went with him. Did you sleep with him? You just mentioned you kissed each other.

 

I guess the best way to go about it is being spontaneous. So that means you don't have to overthink it. Just tell him that you're aware you're both out of relationships that went wrong, but you don't feel that's a good reason to start hooking up casually. Tell him you're not that kind of girl. See what he says. If he makes clear he's not looking for anything serious, then you'll have your answer. But chances are he'll have to start to think if he's ok with losing you. If he suggests you remain friends, just tell him now you find it complicated, because after meeting him you have feelings for him, which were probably already there, but became stronger after meeting up in person.

 

It's very likely he will be able to see you're worth it. He might be undecided because of the distance or assume you won't endure the distance. But it wouldn't be fair to you without trying first.

[Robynhood]

Just had the talk and he doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now. It's pretty sad but it's just that he's not ready. I understand and I guess just have to accept the fact that we both like each other and that's enough!