crazybestie101 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Recently , i have been pressured a lot about reaching out to my EX by my friends. Because they think that he will not do anything until i initiate everything . I am kind of confuse if 1 month of NC is enough ( was planning on doing for 3 months of NC). I am still trying to not to listen to others but incase if i reach out to my ex BF , what would i say. I literally have no words .. I think i have already said and done enough things to let him know my intetions now what else i should do now this time??
Simon Phoenix Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 If you have to ask, you aren't ready. And don't let your friends influence your decision -- you were on the right track in waiting at least three months. 3
todreaminblue Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 so no contact is a way for you to do what exactly? to reach out to him after a certain time period? so that three months of pain and sadness you are willing to put yourself through is going to help you how? 3
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 If you have to ask, you aren't ready. And don't let your friends influence your decision -- you were on the right track in waiting at least three months. Yep , you are right. I think i am not ready to talk to him. But I also feel that if i dont contact him right now. he will feel that i have moved on with someone new.The moment i think of sending him text , it reminds me of hard times that he has given me , all silent treatments , ignoring. I was blindsided by reasons for break up.Makes me feel like i will never forgive him . But same time i still love this guy and let him know my feelings for him whenever i reach out to him . Though i dont expect anything from him . I just want to take it off my chest and put it right infornt of him so in future i dont feel i never tried!
OverThinker72 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 When you feel the urge to reach out to your ex, post on here instead. It helps, believe me. No Contact if for YOU not for him. I know it's hard and it hurts, but in the end you will be thankful that you didn't give him the time of day. Good luck 2
todreaminblue Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Yep , you are right. I think i am not ready to talk to him. But I also feel that if i dont contact him right now. he will feel that i have moved on with someone new.The moment i think of sending him text , it reminds me of hard times that he has given me , all silent treatments , ignoring. I was blindsided by reasons for break up.Makes me feel like i will never forgive him . But same time i still love this guy and let him know my feelings for him whenever i reach out to him . Though i dont expect anything from him . I just want to take it off my chest and put it right infornt of him so in future i dont feel i never tried! i wouldnt suggest you put your heart out there for a guy who ignores you ...no guy who is ignorant, deserves a woman to give their heart's thoughts you save those thoughts for someone who is worthy.....who at least makes as much effort as you do to reach out..who initiates, who asks you now and again, how you are, and how you are feeling.....in other words cares about you, save your thoughts for that kind of guy stay no contact with this one..deb 5
Simon Phoenix Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Yep , you are right. I think i am not ready to talk to him. But I also feel that if i dont contact him right now. he will feel that i have moved on with someone new.The moment i think of sending him text , it reminds me of hard times that he has given me , all silent treatments , ignoring. I was blindsided by reasons for break up.Makes me feel like i will never forgive him . But same time i still love this guy and let him know my feelings for him whenever i reach out to him . Though i dont expect anything from him . I just want to take it off my chest and put it right infornt of him so in future i dont feel i never tried! Are you the dumpee or the dumper?
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Are you the dumpee or the dumper? DUMPEE :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
melell Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Most of the benefits of NC dissolve if you are doing it with the end point being contacting him again. That is hope- you don't heal if you are still hoping. It is a bit like robbing yourself of time. Ultimately if he doesn't reach out and doesn't want to reconcile then that is the end of it. You shouldn't be robbing yourself of happiness waiting to find out. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 You're not using NC correctly. There is no 'end point'. It is used as a coping and healing tool for you after the RS has ended. If, you don't want to end the RS and he is open to that option as well, then talk to him and get everything out on the table and go from there. If, he is done, then you are done as well. Time to initiate NC. How long? Forever. What you are currently doing is silent treatment, and this will do nothing to help your RS!! 2
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Most of the benefits of NC dissolve if you are doing it with the end point being contacting him again. That is hope- you don't heal if you are still hoping. It is a bit like robbing yourself of time. Ultimately if he doesn't reach out and doesn't want to reconcile then that is the end of it. You shouldn't be robbing yourself of happiness waiting to find out. My goal for NC was to take time apart and let the whole matter cool down and see if he is really going to miss me . But i also know that if i dont contact him , he wont initiate anything and will think that i moved on with someone new. My friends wants me to talk it out entire matter where as i think to take some more time apart and then reach out to him . May be situation will be little bit better.
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 You're not using NC correctly. There is no 'end point'. It is used as a coping and healing tool for you after the RS has ended. If, you don't want to end the RS and he is open to that option as well, then talk to him and get everything out on the table and go from there. If, he is done, then you are done as well. Time to initiate NC. How long? Forever. What you are currently doing is silent treatment, and this will do nothing to help your RS!! My goal for NC was to take time apart and let the whole matter cool down and see if he is really going to miss me . But i also know that if i dont contact him , he wont initiate anything and will think that i moved on with someone new. My friends wants me to talk it out entire matter where as i think to take some more time apart and then reach out to him . May be situation will be little bit better.
JDPT Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Or maybe it won't. It's time for you to start thinking about you and only you. NC is constructed to severe relationships not solidify them in hopes of reconciliation. Be strong and move forward with your life. 2
Zahara Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 This is the guy that didn't want to commit to you. Told you he didn't want to lose his freedom. Told you he was losing interest in you. Broke up with you. Gave you the silent treatment when you were contacting him. Didn't even care to wish you on your birthday. Stop listening to your friends. Stay NC. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Again, NC is NOT designed to bring your SO closer to you. If you are still at that stage, then you need the opposite. You need to communicate. People who love each other don't need to verify this with 'silent treatment'. They don't need to 'miss' the other person. This is immature and is not healthy. This is a sure sign your RS is most likely over. If, the RS is over, which it sounds like it is, now is the time for NC. This is a permanent solution. Or at least until all feelings are gone. Best just to think permanent! You must decide where you are in the RS. Either it is still alive and you should communicate. Or it is is dead and you should not communicate again. Ever. 1
lindsay1990 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I agree with the distinction between silent treatment and no contact. There is no timeline for ending the contact but I think the fact that you are at a stage of over thinking it and wondering what you should say, it is best to avoid. Don't listen to your friends because although they may mean well, the only that will get hurt by his rejection is you. Not them. So ask yourself if you can handle him rejecting you, or worse, him being better than ever without you, like in a position where breaking up with you was the best decision he ever made. And not for show but for real. It happens. Until you can, stay no contact.
Amelie1980 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Just leave it. 9 months after our BU my ex emailed and then texted me. Contact with him 3 months.after the BU would have messed me up. contact 9 months post BU made me scratch my head and think wtf. I haven't bothered to reply. Just leave it. Try and get him out of your head and when you feel better you May feel you no longer want contact with him. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 DUMPEE :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: Then yes, no reaching out any time soon. And if he really cared about you moving on, he wouldn't have let you go in the first place. In fact, moving on is about the only shot you would ever have at a reconciliation. 2
Man-guy Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Oh man... so when I reached out to my stbxw at about the 3 month mark, I tried to meet up for drinks and to talk about the few remaining joint issues we had left... It did not happen at all, she was OBVIOUSLY not wanting anything to do with me at all, and I made a fool of myself. I quickly started to realize that she wants nothing to do with me, but I figured I'm a nice responsible guy, so why shouldn't I keep trying out this friendship thing for a while? I sent one more message congratulating her on a positive career move, but I still have nothing resembling a mature adult trying to come to a mutual understanding on the other side, just a really immature erratic person who's poured themselves into work. No, my advice is to ignore your friends good intentions, by reaching out, you'll just feel ridiculous like I did. It's not like they don't have a phone to call us up right?
Author crazybestie101 Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Recently , i have been pressured a lot about reaching out to my EX by my friends. Because they think that he will not do anything until i initiate everything . I am kind of confuse if 1 month of NC is enough ( was planning on doing for 3 months of NC). I am still trying to not to listen to others but incase if i reach out to my ex BF , what would i say. I literally have no words .. I think i have already said and done enough things to let him know my intetions now what else i should do now this time?? First of all , i would like to thank everyone who has taken time out of their lives to write here. I am in very confuse state of mind right now. Sure , i do miss my EX so much and. But after 30 days of NC i sometime feel like i NEVER want to contact him now & i dont know what i want to say to him at this moment. There are moment where i think that i did so much for this guy from day 1 to last day. He was cold entire time once he decided to dump me. He gave me silent treatment , ignored me all time , deleted me off everywhere . He didnt even bother calling me on my bday. How can someone be so heartless. So far some people have told him that put your your feelings out there infront him , tell him how you will feel before its too late , he will not do anything until you say so. Where as there are people who told me to start seeing someone new rather than wasting time on this guy. Whatever it is . What i know is in future if i feel like to get in touch with him , i am prepared to hear the worst from him. All i want now is time away from all this and want to see what future has for me..
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