wavejumper Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 He's hot and cold- I see him staring at me, I show interest. He gets in touch, suggests we 'hang out'. I respond with "sure!" and offer a suggestion, but it goes flat. Then I see him later and he's cold and distant (or shy?), but I still notice him eying me. awkward. I just don't understand men, at all. Insights?
Author wavejumper Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 did i show too much interest by making a suggestion? or is it more of he's-just-not-that-into-you kinda thing? ugh. i just don't understand- why show interest and then not bother to take it to the next level
thefooloftheyear Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 did i show too much interest by making a suggestion? or is it more of he's-just-not-that-into-you kinda thing? ugh. i just don't understand- why show interest and then not bother to take it to the next level Not enough info...but from the sound of it, it seems like hes not into you... Some guys will hang around though even with low interest, if they think they might get laid anyway.. I hope it works out..whatever direction it goes.. TFY
Author wavejumper Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 "Some guys will hang around though even with low interest, if they think they might get laid anyway.." that would work. it's more like this dance, where he shows interest, then backs off, cold. really weird.
sickpuppy Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 He's hot and cold- I see him staring at me, I show interest. He gets in touch, suggests we 'hang out'. I respond with "sure!" and offer a suggestion, but it goes flat. Then I see him later and he's cold and distant (or shy?), but I still notice him eying me. awkward. I just don't understand men, at all. Insights? To be honest from your side of the story he sounds like the same type of person as the girl I liked. They show small signs of "liking" you but maintain plausable deniability by not going through with anything so once they are done with whatever game they are playing for attention till something better comes along they can always act like you liked them and tell others they were just being "friendly" acting like they were never playing some emotional/mental mind fvk. He could be doing it also to reel you in to like him so he can get laid and then claim you liked him and he was just looking for "fun" and didn't like you in the way you liked him. He's using "push pull" tactics on you. Look it up. This guy is playing games. You have to decide if it's worth it to you. If it were me I'd drop the person. Period.
Author wavejumper Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 sickpuppy: oh, i know the 'push/pull' thing, my ex was a master at that! i guess where it's at is I'm not going to take that next step and ask him out. so, i'm stepping back and being cordial but lightly flirty...and I still see him lusting for me. but, i guess you're right in that by not taking the next step he is releasing all intentions onto me so, in a sense, i have dropped it, I just don't understand why the gamez...back before I was married (now divorced) men used to be more assertive. I'm a bit lost in this dating scene.
sickpuppy Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 (edited) sickpuppy: oh, i know the 'push/pull' thing, my ex was a master at that! i guess where it's at is I'm not going to take that next step and ask him out. so, i'm stepping back and being cordial but lightly flirty...and I still see him lusting for me. but, i guess you're right in that by not taking the next step he is releasing all intentions onto me so, in a sense, i have dropped it, I just don't understand why the gamez...back before I was married (now divorced) men used to be more assertive. I'm a bit lost in this dating scene. If it's a work situation like mine was I myself didn't want to come off as pushy or clingy to the girl I liked and wanted to take time to see if she possibly felt anything for me too. She obviously really didn't though and more likely prefers a her type of guy who also just goes after her and takes what he wants as soon as possible. It's almost as if "dating" norm has become have sex first, play games, change mind, change it back then possibly maybe keep dating or whatever. To me it seems you have to literally fvk women as soon as possible as that's what they almost expect and don't care if you are really simply trying to get to know them first as that comes off as a "weak" guy who has some sort of guilt trip agenda or something. (Like as if he doesn't either know what he's doing or God forbid is going to fall in love as he "doesn't know how things are" and smother the girl or is "gay".) I think most people are crazy in that they never think..Maybe...Just maybe a guy is level headed, isn't a user, is a good person that DOES want sex, but is willing to go his seperate ways even IF he doesn't get to "have" her. I mean hell yes I love sex. Who doesn't? But if I'm seeing a girl is screwed up thinking the only way a guy "really" likes her is if he does what "every guy" is expected to do..fvk her ASAP I'm not the type to "assist" so to speak in her being more messed up by simply "getting mine" like she expects. I don't mean to come off like some sort of "nice" guy. It's just I at least have some character and integrity...Not for anyone elses sake but my own. Though these days those qualities really seem to mean little if anything. Almost as if you "aren't with the masses" and or are clueless/"weak" if you aren't out for self in taking what you want and taking off. The qualities I possess for really seem to f me in the end. So I guess I am getting "laid" so to speak...just fing myself by having those qualities that are seemingly to me at least...outdated. lol Edited September 16, 2013 by sickpuppy
Author wavejumper Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 sickpuppy: I'm curious, did you ask her out? I'll admit I was putting out the sexy vibe, nothing wrong with that IMO, but I also was putting out the vibe of interest and wanting to do something to get to know each other outside of the institution we met at. honestly, when I saw the words in an email he wrote suggesting we 'hang out' it sent out a red flag that his interest was more friendzone (i think). yet, I'm pretty astute at reading body language which was saying something else... character and integrity are foremost in my mind too, and for me that means letting the guy make the first move.
forgetmenot75 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I'd say he's not that into you. Men are simple creatures: they want you, you'll know it. You're probably his second, or third option. I'm sorry it sucks
sickpuppy Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 sickpuppy: I'm curious, did you ask her out? I'll admit I was putting out the sexy vibe, nothing wrong with that IMO, but I also was putting out the vibe of interest and wanting to do something to get to know each other outside of the institution we met at. honestly, when I saw the words in an email he wrote suggesting we 'hang out' it sent out a red flag that his interest was more friendzone (i think). yet, I'm pretty astute at reading body language which was saying something else... character and integrity are foremost in my mind too, and for me that means letting the guy make the first move. Sorry for the long explaination but I need to detail it and hopefully it makes sense.. Yes I did ask her out. I felt I had to as I wasn't sure if she'd been dropping hints previously at possibly hanging out or just letting me know at times where she was/ was with friends. I asked her to go to a feast that my friend, his wife and I were going to. (I told her that.) Who knows if it freaked her out in a way thinking I was doing some "serious" double dating attempt. It was simply to go out and have fun/ get to know her outside of work. lol. They were just plans we already had (friends and I) that I invited her to as the previous night (this partially explains why I invited her and why I think she sent me a text mentioning where she was.)...Some woman I work with who jokes with me in my dept and says I'm her husband/boyfriend had mentioned to me she'd went to the girl I liked area and got a very dirty look from her. I found it odd as they don't even know each other..Anyway that SAME night later on all of a sudden I get a first time initiated text from that girl I liked saying she's going to a place we'd mentioned I go to with a friend where she lives. I took it as maybe she's trying to drop a final hint to meet her but I was tired as hell after work. So I made a quick comment and then the next day invited her to the feast thing instead as a counter offer. I could tell from her reply right away she really had no interest in going and now that I think of it may think I have something going on with that woman in my dept who jokes around with me hugging and kissing me on the cheek when she comes in to work and for some reason felt the need with a cover (mentioning the place we'd talked about) sent me the text in order for some sort of "get back" at this woman (almost like she couldn't confront her personally but just gave her a dirty look and sent me that text simply for me to respond as in her own mind was like: See? I can get him too b1tch.) Kindof like she wasn't interested in meeting me or doesn't really like me but simply some sort of self "feel good" by getting a positive response from me. It's obvious as she didn't go to the feast I'd asked her to, never got back to me after I'd asked her once. And had an extremely lame last minute "excuse". That's the only thing I could make sense out of why she texted me for the first time to begin with. Who knows what people think. The rumor mill flies at my part time and if it seems you're too "friendly" with someone and the departments are open in view of one another...the other women may see that and think you've got something going on. It's a waste of time to explain it as people will believe what they want regardless if it's really nothing going on but a joke. lol
devilish innocent Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I know some guys who don't understand why women insist on equality between the genders, but then when it comes to dating they expect the guy to always have to be the one to put himself out there. They just want there to be a more equitable showing of attraction. I can't say I blame them. If you don't want guys to play games with you, then why play games with them? Why not just say what you mean? Anyway, he's the only one who knows why his response to you is what it is. There could be a whole bunch of different reasons. Everything from having lost complete interest to really liking you and being terrified of scaring you away by coming on too strong. You want to make it clear that you're interested, but not be the type of person who goes overboard and continues chasing after the other one is clearly not interested. I personally prefer to err on the side of going a little overboard in showing interest if I'm unsure. I've had times when I thought I'd sent out clear signals, but then found that the other person had really had no clue I was interested. So now I no longer assume anything. The worst that can happen is you get turned down and then you don't have to wonder about the other person anymore.
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