audiojunky Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 My girlfriend and I moved in together a few months ago. Of course we are both really busy and don't have a ton of time together, but some things are really bugging me. 1- I feel disrespected by her. 1. She still chats with an ex she was with regardless of me telling her the first time that it bugged me. She claims that she has no interest but it still makes me mad. She says she doesn't care if I talk to exs, but I told her that because I am in a relationship I have made the decision, and do not want to talk to past girlfriends on a regular basis. 2. She will admit to, and is, a BITCH to me for no reason sometimes. She will bang around and roll her eyes and sometimes try to ditch a conversation if she gets upset by something. 3. I pull most of the weight around the place we live at.. cleaning it thoroughly several times since we moved in. She wants a maid and I have no problem with that, but I believe that we both could take care of things. She hasn't gotten off her butt to call a maid. 4. She is always telling me that something is wrong with me. My hair, the way I smell, the clothes that I wear.. etc. We haven't had sex more than twice in the past two and a half months. I have done everything on my end from getting a haircut that she might like, putting on 3x as much deoderant, taking vitamins, researching as to what it might be, etc. She has not even made out with me, gets annoyed when I try to with her. The only time that we have done something sexually from her own will was when she felt that she wanted to "reward" me for being so nice to her. 5. She tells me that we never do anything when I am always asking her to go out and do something. She will then go on and tell me how what I want to do is not something that she is interested in, yet she never tries to find things that she might be interested in doing. I am always checking to see if she might want to go do something if we both are free and she does not do the same back to me. She will often say, "why do I have to check with you in order to go do something?" I tell her that it is just an issue of respect in a relationship that if we never have time together to do something then it would be nice to ask the person you supposedly live with and love what they are doing. 6. She gets annoyed about me discussing problems I might have at work because she doesn't like the type of people that I am working for. I took this job so that I could move with her to a new city and it just makes me resentful when she puts it down. I told her that I feel like I'm trying way to hard for someone who is going to act like this, and that it is just making me more and more upset as it continues to happen without her own effort.
The_Analyzer Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Sounds like she needs an attitude adjustment. I think it was a very smart move on your part to not be in contact with your exs being that you're in a relationship with her. She should respect how you feel about her emailing her exs etc. Maybe tell her shes gonna have to change some things or you're gonna walk. Good luck. ________________________________ "Don't argue with me, you wont win."
Pocky Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 1- I feel disrespected by her. How so? 1. She still chats with an ex she was with regardless of me telling her the first time that it bugged me. She claims that she has no interest but it still makes me mad. She says she doesn't care if I talk to exs, but I told her that because I am in a relationship I have made the decision, and do not want to talk to past girlfriends on a regular basis. Many of us still maintain friendships with ex-boyfriends. Unless you think something is happening between them I don't see why you feel it's appropriate to tell her who she can and can't be friends with. Why does it bother you so much? 2. She will admit to, and is, a BITCH to me for no reason sometimes. She will bang around and roll her eyes and sometimes try to ditch a conversation if she gets upset by something. I can be a bitch to my husband sometimes and he can be an a**h***. When two people live together sometimes we just get on each others nerves. Is it so excessive that it makes it difficult to be around her? And if so, why are you still dating her? 3. I pull most of the weight around the place we live at.. cleaning it thoroughly several times since we moved in. She wants a maid and I have no problem with that, but I believe that we both could take care of things. She hasn't gotten off her butt to call a maid. Some people are lazy. Some are sloppy. Living with someone that doesn't have the same cleaning habits as you can be extremely difficult. Have you tried creating a list of chores? Like she does the laundry and you wash the dishes? Or make plans every weekend to clean together for an hour? 4. She is always telling me that something is wrong with me. My hair, the way I smell, the clothes that I wear.. etc. We haven't had sex more than twice in the past two and a half months. I have done everything on my end from getting a haircut that she might like, putting on 3x as much deoderant, taking vitamins, researching as to what it might be, etc. She has not even made out with me, gets annoyed when I try to with her. The only time that we have done something sexually from her own will was when she felt that she wanted to "reward" me for being so nice to her. Why are you still with her? 5. She tells me that we never do anything when I am always asking her to go out and do something. She will then go on and tell me how what I want to do is not something that she is interested in, yet she never tries to find things that she might be interested in doing. I am always checking to see if she might want to go do something if we both are free and she does not do the same back to me. She will often say, "why do I have to check with you in order to go do something?" I tell her that it is just an issue of respect in a relationship that if we never have time together to do something then it would be nice to ask the person you supposedly live with and love what they are doing. Even more confused as to why you're still dating. 6. She gets annoyed about me discussing problems I might have at work because she doesn't like the type of people that I am working for. I took this job so that I could move with her to a new city and it just makes me resentful when she puts it down. Does she not vent to you? Why not have a daily fifteen minute venting party with each other? My husband and I do that. Fifteen minutes each in the car and we get all the negative crap out of our system for the day then it's nice and easy by the time we get home. I told her that I feel like I'm trying way to hard for someone who is going to act like this, and that it is just making me more and more upset as it continues to happen without her own effort. And what was her response? What do you LIKE about your girlfriend? Anything?
alphamale Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 dude: You have LOST CONTROL of this woman big time. You better start treating her the way she treats you real fast otherwise she will show you the door. Start treating her badly sometimes and you will see how quickly she changes her ways.
tattoomytoe Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 why did y'all move in together anyways? Cause she was such a gem before?
whichwayisup Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Gee Pocky, quote:1- I feel disrespected by her. How So? I think his reasons 2-6 kinda say so, don't you? You're a little harsh eh? Audiojunky just came here for support, not a roast! You need to tell her how what she is doing makes you feel. Communicate and be as honest as you can. This relationship is a two way street and she's not putting in the effort. Lazy? Hmm, I am the queen of lazy and a horrible procrastinator but I do things that HAVE to be done because that's just the way life is. Maybe she's having a harder time adjusting to living together. It does take a while before things fall into place and feel natural. Maybe book a romantic getaway. Something spontaneous that will bring back that passion. Sounds like you really do love her! Hang in there. BUT...If you try all this and it doesn't work, then either couples therapy could be another choice or give her an ultimatum. I don't like those, but in dire situations some times that has to be done! All the best and I do hope things work out for ya both! WWIU
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