Do girls get vindictive if you don't chase them?

[StanMusial]

 

Normal, decent gals wouldn't pull **** like that if you're clear and fair to them (at least the ones I have met have not).

 

Exactly.

 

I actually had a girl call me once crying to apologize for some crap she had pulled the night before. It was just some stuff she said when she ran into me out one night. I knew one of the girls she was with that night, a totally bitchy girl, had put her up to it. I just brushed it off and let it go.

[sickpuppy]

I agree. You're just using the new person to get revenge on another person. I had a girl do this to me. She came to a place I was hanging out at only to walk in with a new guy. It only shows how much she liked me and how little she cared for the guy she was with...

 

 

Yep. I have no interest in trying to get back at someone even if they didn't really like me in the first place or only wanted me to chase them for their ego. Hell I may've even missed signals they were dropping at times to meet and I came off as blowing them off by being tired after work and not taking the hint causing them to blow me off in the end and being seen as a pvssy.

 

Regardless I still have no ill will towards the person and can accept it even if they never liked me the way I'd thought. I may've unintentionally "hurt" them by having them think I wasn't really interested by not chasing, seeming to blow off possible hints (which may not have even been hints) but wouldn't try to hurt them intentinally regardless. It's not my style.

[truth_seeker]

 

--> BUT: If you move on, make it clear as in jsut disappear and if she pursues, tell her off. No wishy washy "let's be friends" texts that could confuse her and make her angry. Be CLEAR.

 

 

I'll never use the "lets be friends" line ever again. It only insults them and infuriates them.

[truth_seeker]

Yep. I have no interest in trying to get back at someone even if they didn't really like me in the first place or only wanted me to chase them for their ego. Hell I may've even missed signals they were dropping at times to meet and I came off as blowing them off by being tired after work and not taking the hint causing them to blow me off in the end and being seen as a pvssy.

 

Regardless I still have no ill will towards the person and can accept it even if they never liked me the way I'd thought. I may've unintentionally "hurt" them by having them think I wasn't really interested by not chasing, seeming to blow off possible hints (which may not have even been hints) but wouldn't try to hurt them intentinally regardless. It's not my style.

 

If the woman was mature she would be straight with you and ask you directly if you were into her or not. People who cannot give straight answers are insecure, immature, game players and generally low class individuals you need to avoid.

[sickpuppy]

OP - answer is yes.

 

That said, there's a simple solution to all of this:

 

Scenario A - you like the girl

- make a goddamn move

- if she rejects you, move on

- if she accepts, go ahead

- if she plays hard to get, move on

 

--> BUT: If you move on, make it clear as in jsut disappear and if she pursues, tell her off. No wishy washy "let's be friends" texts that could confuse her and make her angry. Be CLEAR.

 

Scenario B - you do not like the girl

- don't do anything

- if she pursues, tell her off nicely but clearly

 

This has ALWAYS worked for me. In case some of the women you're seeing get all upset and start ****-talking you for rejecting them, I'd seriously take a look at the types of people you hang out with.

 

Normal, decent gals wouldn't pull **** like that if you're clear and fair to them (at least the ones I have met have not).

 

PS: Even if a gal ****-talks you, just don't hang out with her and her friends anymore. Make sure the women you date are not part of your work of circle of friends. That'll make things easier.

 

I don't think she'll ever come around again but if she does I'm just going to lay things out and tell her I'm not trying to run a guilt trip on her nor see her as an enemy in some sort of unspoken war. If she did like me in the beginning I didn't mean to come off as not truly liking her just not wanting to pressure her as I thought she'd had a boyfriend, and to be honest with her as bad as it sounds got nervous around her in a way as I thought she was a beautiful person. Even if she truly never did like me and only saw me as a friend it's okay, I can accept that and she shouldn't feel uncomfortable about things and let it go.

[tinydancer93]

I wanted to edit to say more, but too slow.

 

 

If a girl did not come up to you and flat out tell you she wants you..........don't assume that she did no matter how very obvious it might seem if what you are going to do is politely let her know to not waste her time because you are not interested. Absolute worst thing you can do......I know it as a fact. Trust me, you don't want to go down that road lol

 

Let her keep wondering. Till she actually tells you or goes away.

 

Well I AM a girl and I would much rather be told or at least get obvious hints rather than worry and wonder and waste my time thinking "does he like me?" "when will he contact me?" etc. It's inconsiderate to leave someone hanging, girl or guy.

[truth_seeker]

Well I AM a girl and I would much rather be told or at least get obvious hints rather than worry and wonder and waste my time thinking "does he like me?" "when will he contact me?" etc. It's inconsiderate to leave someone hanging, girl or guy.

 

Yes, it is inconsiderate to leave someone hanging, but what about a woman who says she wants to be friends but maybe hook up in the future? I walked away from that and then the girl chased me. I ignored and ignored until one night she purposely ran into me to show off her new man.

[sickpuppy]

I'll never use the "lets be friends" line ever again. It only insults them and infuriates them.

 

Yep. "let's be friends" is an insult to anyone as everyone knows it's a "polite" throw away line rather than saying let's just drop it. period.

[sickpuppy]

Well I AM a girl and I would much rather be told or at least get obvious hints rather than worry and wonder and waste my time thinking "does he like me?" "when will he contact me?" etc. It's inconsiderate to leave someone hanging, girl or guy.

 

 

So as a girl. Girls never ask? They simply expect the guy to just tell them he likes them? To be honest as soon as a guy does that. The challenge is over unless she sees him as a "God" and she winds up asking him herself.

[Atem]

I don't think she'll ever come around again but if she does I'm just going to lay things out and tell her I'm not trying to run a guilt trip on her nor see her as an enemy in some sort of unspoken war. If she did like me in the beginning I didn't mean to come off as not truly liking her just not wanting to pressure her as I thought she'd had a boyfriend, and to be honest with her as bad as it sounds got nervous around her in a way as I thought she was a beautiful person. Even if she truly never did like me and only saw me as a friend it's okay, I can accept that and she shouldn't feel uncomfortable about things and let it go.

 

Hm - honestly, I don't know what your last response to her was but I would tell her something like "I agree, let's let this thing go. Good luck." and then disappear and REALLY move on.

 

Date other girls and have fun. Forget her.

 

And if she comes back (which she may if she's just toying with you given that you agreeing with ending things will infuriate her because she wants you to chase her) ignore her and go about your life.

 

She'll only give you grief if you keep this up - for your own good, forget her and move on.

 

There are plenty of cool, nice girls out there for you.

[sickpuppy]

If the woman was mature she would be straight with you and ask you directly if you were into her or not. People who cannot give straight answers are insecure, immature, game players and generally low class individuals you need to avoid.

 

 

You are 100% correct. And you described the girl I liked to a T. I seriously believe she is the type of girl who only responds favorably to guys who don't give a damn about her and use her/abuse her for a fun time. I honestly with no bitterness really believe that. I think she has little to no respect for anyone decent. Not saying that she HAS to automatically like decent guys but I'm sure she's the type who goes after what she feels she deserves or makes her "feel emotions" as in bad equating that to how liking someone is supposed to be but thinks they're really a "good" person.

 

In the end I know I'm better off and glad I never chased her. I think it simply pissed her off as she expected to have some guy to string along or thought I was originally the type who would simply have "fun" with her or to use to get back at someone else. Not being like that to her means the guy isn't a "real" man and she isn't interested in that.

[sickpuppy]

Hm - honestly, I don't know what your last response to her was but I would tell her something like "I agree, let's let this thing go. Good luck." and then disappear and REALLY move on.

 

Date other girls and have fun. Forget her.

 

And if she comes back (which she may if she's just toying with you given that you agreeing with ending things will infuriate her because she wants you to chase her) ignore her and go about your life.

 

She'll only give you grief if you keep this up - for your own good, forget her and move on.

 

There are plenty of cool, nice girls out there for you.

 

 

I never told her anything. I was just writing that post if she ever did come back around.

 

When she'd blown me off when I'd asked her recently to go out I took the hint with "I'll let you know". and never brought it up, nor asked her again.

 

(As of friday night the day before we would have supposedly been going) I saw her that night walking through my department at the last minute and sortof past me with her girl co-worker. She was slightly behind her not even looking my way. I said hello to both of them and made small talk mostly with her friend out of courtesy and not being hurt. It was almost as if they came by my department (one of the bathrooms are that way and one was looking for something previously) to make her seen since I hadn't asked again though had her girl co-worker there with her almost as some sort of security blanket.

 

I never asked and made small talk to which she must've been sweating (that I was going to God forbid ask her again) and then coughed and looked at me saying: "I'm sick" as like some head off at the pass weak who gives a crap excuse to "cut me off in case I asked about her answer to going out".

 

It was extremely immature and not needed though she must've felt it was. I ignored it and kept talking a bit more and let them go. I did notice though her friend said: "Come on Michelle" like she was almost purposely saying that to "get her away" from the guy who asked her out as if I was going to ask her again. I'm sure her friend knows I asked her.

 

I ignored that too and went back to work. It was actually kind of funny how pathetic it was.

 

That's why I was asking. Almost like some girls want to be chased even IF they don't really want you and if you don't play their game and cut to the chase will try to see if you are somehow "affected" by it.

 

At times yesterday at work before I'd left she'd be looking in my departments direction. Not a lot but at times. Perhaps trying to see if I was looking "down" or seemed messed up by her not going.

 

I am going to go out with another girl there who's even younger and very attractive as well next week. The original girl is almost 28 and this other one I'm going to go out with is 23. The 23 year old seems more stable. It's incredible. I don't know if it'll work out as she is much younger than me but I'm going to go out and find out getting to know more about her.

 

They all are in a cosmetics dept though the 23 yo is kindof away from them I think no matter what word will get out and they'll "innocently" eventually start prying for information as she's very pretty herself and want to see how our date or dates go. I can keep things under wraps but I'm not sure if the 23 year old may tell her friends and word spreads. F it though. I'm going to take her out regardless.

[Atem]

I never told her anything. I was just writing that post if she ever did come back around.

 

When she'd blown me off when I'd asked her recently to go out I took the hint with "I'll let you know". and never brought it up, nor asked her again.

 

(As of friday night the day before we would have supposedly been going) I saw her that night walking through my department at the last minute and sortof past me with her girl co-worker. She was slightly behind her not even looking my way. I said hello to both of them and made small talk mostly with her friend out of courtesy and not being hurt. It was almost as if they came by my department (one of the bathrooms are that way and one was looking for something previously) to make her seen since I hadn't asked again though had her girl co-worker there with her almost as some sort of security blanket.

 

I never asked and made small talk to which she must've been sweating (that I was going to God forbid ask her again) and then coughed and looked at me saying: "I'm sick" as like some head off at the pass weak who gives a crap excuse to "cut me off in case I asked about her answer to going out".

 

It was extremely immature and not needed though she must've felt it was. I ignored it and kept talking a bit more and let them go. I did notice though her friend said: "Come on Michelle" like she was almost purposely saying that to "get her away" from the guy who asked her out as if I was going to ask her again. I'm sure her friend knows I asked her.

 

I ignored that too and went back to work. It was actually kind of funny how pathetic it was.

 

That's why I was asking. Almost like some girls want to be chased even IF they don't really want you and if you don't play their game and cut to the chase will try to see if you are somehow "affected" by it.

 

At times yesterday at work before I'd left she'd be looking in my departments direction. Not a lot but at times. Perhaps trying to see if I was looking "down" or seemed messed up by her not going.

 

I am going to go out with another girl there who's even younger and very attractive as well next week. The original girl is almost 28 and this other one I'm going to go out with is 23. The 23 year old seems more stable. It's incredible. I don't know if it'll work out as she is much younger than me but I'm going to go out and find out getting to know more about her.

 

They all are in a cosmetics dept though the 23 yo is kindof away from them I think no matter what word will get out and they'll "innocently" eventually start prying for information as she's very pretty herself and want to see how our date or dates go. I can keep things under wraps but I'm not sure if the 23 year old may tell her friends and word spreads. F it though. I'm going to take her out regardless.

 

Gotcha.

 

Yeah - let 28-year old gal go. She's not worth the trouble.

 

And kudos for locking in another date already. Good going - jsut get on with your life.

 

One thing though - do you usually date with the people you work with? Doing this can have its pitfalls. I'd suggest dating outside of your work and even your circle of friends, if possible. Just to keep any potential drama at a minimum.

 

Your call tho. Good luck!

[sickpuppy]

Gotcha.

 

Yeah - let 28-year old gal go. She's not worth the trouble.

 

And kudos for locking in another date already. Good going - jsut get on with your life.

 

One thing though - do you usually date with the people you work with? Doing this can have its pitfalls. I'd suggest dating outside of your work and even your circle of friends, if possible. Just to keep any potential drama at a minimum.

 

Your call tho. Good luck!

 

 

Never dated anyone I've worked with. It's a part time job and I can keep things to myself and don't cause problems.

 

I HAD to ask this other girl out as we were talking and the way the conversation went if I didn't I would've looked like a clown. We chatted and the conversation went to silence for a few seconds with her smiling and I just went for it and asked for her number. She gave me her number and I've chatted quick through text a few times.

 

I do get flirted with, called handsome, complimented on my suit pretty often with the younger and older women and seen as friendly with everyone.

 

I think a lot assume I'm either taken or have asked if I'm single.

Kindof recently a married woman I'm also friends with there (who's like another mom to me) who I see every so often had asked if I had a girlfriend and if I liked anyone. I found it higly odd the second question almost as if she was asking if I liked anyone in our workplace or for someone there. Could've been for the girl I liked, could've been for the one I'm going to go out with, or even could have been due to them seeing me with another woman who in my dept. flirts with me a lot and calls me her husband/boyfriend as a joke and them thinking we've got something going on. (It could be that as the lady in my dept had told me she saw the girl I liked the other day when in her dept looking at something and that girl I liked gave her a very dirty look. Maybe she thinks we have something going on. that same night out of the blue for the first time that girl sends me a text about a place we'd talked about near her. Who knows if she was just trying to get back at that woman somehow for going after the guy she wants to string along. lol)

 

The rumor mill does fly in that place.

[todreaminblue]

This is why it's hard for men and women to be friends when feelings are involved.

 

yes it is extremely hard,but if you wish to end a friendship, then you do it with grace and compassion and thoughts for the other person whether you can be friends with them or not.....there's ways to say things and ways to not..the better you say something the better the person on the recieving end takes it, causes less problems in my opinion...you dont shame them ridicule them or make them feel less than what they are just because you dont like them..deb

[sickpuppy]

yes it is extremely hard,but if you wish to end a friendship, then you do it with grace and compassion and thoughts for the other person whether you can be friends with them or not.....there's ways to say things and ways to not..the better you say something the better the person on the recieving end takes it, causes less problems in my opinion...you dont shame them ridicule them or make them feel less than what they are just because you dont like them..deb

 

 

I agree. You can also do that with people who've possibly treated you crappy or simply didn't like you like you'd thought. Even if they are playing some sort of game you simply lay it out on the line honestly and move on with your dignity in tact though not trying to seem like a "bigger" person than them for doing it. Just letting them know or even feel they've "won" but you are walking away for your own good and let it go.

 

Some will resent you for doing that anyway.. lol.

[truth_seeker]

You are 100% correct. And you described the girl I liked to a T. I seriously believe she is the type of girl who only responds favorably to guys who don't give a damn about her and use her/abuse her for a fun time. I honestly with no bitterness really believe that. I think she has little to no respect for anyone decent. Not saying that she HAS to automatically like decent guys but I'm sure she's the type who goes after what she feels she deserves or makes her "feel emotions" as in bad equating that to how liking someone is supposed to be but thinks they're really a "good" person.

 

It's tough when you like someone and you discover who they really are... it's so disappointing and makes you want to throw up.

[truth_seeker]

yes it is extremely hard,but if you wish to end a friendship, then you do it with grace and compassion and thoughts for the other person whether you can be friends with them or not.....there's ways to say things and ways to not..the better you say something the better the person on the recieving end takes it, causes less problems in my opinion...you dont shame them ridicule them or make them feel less than what they are just because you dont like them..deb

 

I agree. The problem is when one person is mature enough to do this and the other isn't.

 

Example: I liked a girl and she liked me. After hanging out with her for a bit, I realized a LTR wasn't in the cards. I wanted a LTR and felt in my gut she could only be a fling. I told her and others in the social network, I was very content on being just her friend. She ignored me for a bit. I felt bad. I started to flirt with her to make her feel better. In retrospect, I probably gave her the impression I wanted her. I then cut the chord and went no contact. Left her alone. I started dating other people and she got angry. I told her again how I liked her but would gladly have her as a friend. Looking back, big mistake. The girl liked me and wanted me to be more than friends. I should have deleted her from my life after I knew a LTR would never happen with her.

[sickpuppy]

It's tough when you like someone and you discover who they really are... it's so disappointing and makes you want to throw up.

 

To be honest I was probably seen by her as too hesitant and she if originally liked me had lost attraction as I hadn't just went after it. Not chasing her but literally just cut to the chase immediately, took her out for drinks and banged her then let her chase.

 

It's really crazy but it's almost like thats how things work or some women expect things to work.

 

I mean I'd seen and heard several red flags from her that I chose to ignore trying to not come off as judgemental: Pot smoking a lot even before working. Mention of her going to bars at times when we'd make small talk. Her having anxieties so she didn't drink coffee, her parents having a bad marriage as well as her having a few tattoos IMO adds up to a girl with issues who's most likely only attracted to or thinks of love and feeling "love" emotions and or caring by being taken ASAP regardless of what she'd claim for her public image.

 

She'd also given me a kind of sob story about her ex who dumped her six months ago. It was a simple answer like that but she could've been using it as a way to make me feel "bad" for her though never said why he dumped her. I'd heard her ex was a heavy pot smoking construction worker or something like that. So I'm sure those are the types she's attracted to. I kindof feel bad for the girl but I would in no way try to help her or really care as those types are often their own problems and will resent you for trying to help them, use you and go back to doing what they do.

 

Women IMO will categorize men quickly and are most likely always seeing/talking to different men at the same time. The lovers who fvk them ASAP. The provider possible boyfriend who takes them out and spends money on them, and the friendzoned guy who waits and listens to their problems.

 

I never listened much to her problems nor asked. It's just things she'd said at times. The more I remember things and type them out on here the more I'm going to be thinking WTF WAS I thinking. lol

[truth_seeker]

To be honest I was probably seen by her as too hesitant and she if originally liked me had lost attraction as I hadn't just went after it. Not chasing her but literally just cut to the chase immediately, took her out for drinks and banged her then let her chase.

 

It's really crazy but it's almost like thats how things work or some women expect things to work.

 

I mean I'd seen and heard several red flags from her that I chose to ignore trying to not come off as judgemental: Pot smoking a lot even before working. Mention of her going to bars at times when we'd make small talk. Her having anxieties so she didn't drink coffee, her parents having a bad marriage as well as her having a few tattoos IMO adds up to a girl with issues who's most likely only attracted to or thinks of love and feeling "love" emotions and or caring by being taken ASAP regardless of what she'd claim for her public image.

 

She'd also given me a kind of sob story about her ex who dumped her six months ago. It was a simple answer like that but she could've been using it as a way to make me feel "bad" for her though never said why he dumped her. I'd heard her ex was a heavy pot smoking construction worker or something like that. So I'm sure those are the types she's attracted to. I kindof feel bad for the girl but I would in no way try to help her or really care as those types are often their own problems and will resent you for trying to help them, use you and go back to doing what they do.

 

Women IMO will categorize men quickly and are most likely always seeing/talking to different men at the same time. The lovers who fvk them ASAP. The provider possible boyfriend who takes them out and spends money on them, and the friendzoned guy who waits and listens to their problems.

 

I never listened much to her problems nor asked. It's just things she'd said at times. The more I remember things and type them out on here the more I'm going to be thinking WTF WAS I thinking. lol

 

This is just a life lesson. To help you when you meet other women in the future. Do not forget this lesson.

 

In my situation I was seen as future husband material but expected to wait so she could play the field. lol. When I didn't go along, she came after me with vengeance. There are many sick people out there. As soon as red flags start creeping into your head, it's a warning sign -- run!

[sickpuppy]

This is just a life lesson. To help you when you meet other women in the future. Do not forget this lesson.

 

In my situation I was seen as future husband material but expected to wait so she could play the field. lol. When I didn't go along, she came after me with vengeance. There are many sick people out there. As soon as red flags start creeping into your head, it's a warning sign -- run!

 

 

Oh I'm fully aware of those types. It may seem from my detailed posts /threads on the subject like I'd be the type to "talk sht" about people but I don't and haven't mentioned anything about her to anyone in person let alone even mentioning I'd gotten her number.

 

It's just that's what I'd heard personally from her and I guess it was her way of letting me know the type she is. She may not be sleeping around with a bunch of people but I got a strong suspicion she's a "fun" type of girl from those things she'd told me about.

 

I think I took things slow on purpose. Not that I regret doing it it's just my subconcious or something was telling me since I'm not the type to contribute to others issues by simply using them for sex to go slowly as this type of girl doesn't seem right even though she is very attractive and pretty cool to talk to. It's like my feelings for what I wanted, hoped her to be will never be, and I knew it. It was simply a fantasy in my mind.

[truth_seeker]

Oh I'm fully aware of those types. It may seem from my detailed posts /threads on the subject like I'd be the type to "talk sht" about people but I don't and haven't mentioned anything about her to anyone in person let alone even mentioning I'd gotten her number.

 

It's just that's what I'd heard personally from her and I guess it was her way of letting me know the type she is. She may not be sleeping around with a bunch of people but I got a strong suspicion she's a "fun" type of girl from those things she'd told me about.

 

I think I took things slow on purpose. Not that I regret doing it it's just my subconcious or something was telling me since I'm not the type to contribute to others issues by simply using them for sex to go slowly as this type of girl doesn't seem right even though she is very attractive and pretty cool to talk to. It's like my feelings for what I wanted, hoped her to be will never be, and I knew it. It was simply a fantasy in my mind.

 

Sometimes women expect you to step up when they want you to step up. When you don't do it on their time and their terms, they turn on you.

[sickpuppy]

Sometimes women expect you to step up when they want you to step up. When you don't do it on their time and their terms, they turn on you.

 

 

I believe it 100% and think she purposely blew me off partially for that reason. That and whatever game she thought she'd "win". I'm easygoing but a times a stubborn mofo even if it leads to me never having "fun" with some girl. I'm not compromising my good qualities for some party chick. I'll pass the pvzzy to the next best thing in those types eyes.

[RavenWolf]

I'm talking about not even saying that just simply not chasing her even if you like her. (Talking to her and random texting but not jumping through hoops to get her.)

 

If you are interested in a girl, what reason would you not want to initiate random conversation and texts? Why would you want her to possibly feel you are disinterested?

 

So if a man doesn't always initiate contact or texts that doesn't always mean he isn't interested?

 

I've always thought if the girl always has to initiate the guy isn't interested.

[sickpuppy]

If you are interested in a girl, what reason would you not want to initiate random conversation and texts? Why would you want her to possibly feel you are disinterested?

 

So if a man doesn't always initiate contact or texts that doesn't always mean he isn't interested?

 

I've always thought if the girl always has to initiate the guy isn't interested.

 

The problem is though we talked, I'd gotten her number, she'd told me twice in person to text her when I hadn't as I'd thought she had a boyfriend at that time (I did initiate at her request at much later time from getting her number), and her possibly dropping hints to possibly meet. She never specifically told me she liked me, I'd never heard it from any of her co-worker friends or was hinted she might like me by them, nor ever got a text initiated by her UNTIL she saw my-coworker in her area and gave her a very dirty look. (The lady told me as she thinks since we joke around she or her friends may think we have something going on.) After I got THAT text I asked her if she'd like to go out. I figured she possibly was hinting as she'd mentioned a place she was going to we'd talked about where she lives. (I think the only reason she sent it was because it was some sort of get back at the lady she gave the dirty look to. Almost like she couldn't confront her personally but got her back for whatever she was thinking by texting me for a response., It was the only thought that made sense since she never texted me first and it came the same day the lady told me she gave her a mean look. I didn't know of the look that day till after and assumed she texted to want to meet..though she didn't ask me to meet her.)

 

I counter offered and then she played the "pretend I'm going but I'm never going to go" reply and after I saw her before the date we were supposed to go was looking down avoidant and then gave some un needed excuse that I'd never asked for as I never asked her twice since she obviously really didn't want to go out once.

Edited September 16, 2013 by sickpuppy